The New Intimacy

The Worst Part of It

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Contributor: Sir Sir
What do you dislike the most about being trans-? Either fully transitioned, partially transitioned, or not transitioned at all, anyone can answer this. Intersex people can also answer this question (of course, change the "trans-" to "intersex). In addition to answering the question, I'd love to have some input on what you feel could be done about these problems that you are facing/have faced. Any medical advancements you're hoping for, or any personal improvements you're going through, mentally or physically.

If people who are not trans- want to answer for how they see/perceive things, that's quite alright too!
11/28/2009
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Contributor: Sir Sir
To me, having to buy attachments and prosthetics is what I really am not fond of. In addition to having to pay for hormone treatments, surgeries, I have to pay for having a penis, too. And it doesn't even function like it should! It's also sort of an upsetting thing to do, because it reminds me that I do not have the parts that I should.

Bottom surgeries that are current are not pleasing to me—it's a choice of having a smaller penis that you can feel, or a larger one that you cannot, when neither of them allow coming properly. Yes, orgasming is possible, I know. Metoidioplasty is more attractive to me, since it does truly look and function like a penis (you can have an erection, can urinate, can have sensation and feeling), but the fact still remains that I would be at a loss of ejaculating the way that I was meant to for my entire life.

I'm really hoping for some technology to advance in bottom surgery. I know that it's being worked on currently (for non-trans- purposes, of course), and I'm hoping that it is fully completed in the near future. Having that would just make me feel at peace—knowing that I can live and do the things that I was meant to for a long time.

*I'd like to add to my original post that not every trans- person will feel the same on this. (In fact, some trans- people are fine with and enjoy their physical attributes!) I just want for people to share what their personal ideas on it are.
11/28/2009
Contributor: deceased deceased
The worst part of being of FTM in Hawaii is there are no resources. There are no surgeons qualified to do any of the surgeries, and you can wait years till you get an appointment and are finally approved for hormones. Even the top board cert psychiatrists have never met a FTM before let alone treated one. Hawaii is a very hard place to live. The MTF have it much easier, but many of them are involved in selling sex for money and having silicone parties, so their disease rate is high. We have no support goups, and the culture is very homophobic let alone transphobic.

Lesbians are not really interested in dating transmen, straight women, once they find out I once was a woman get freaked, and although all my friends are men, I am not gay. But I get lumped in there. .....
11/29/2009
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
I'd seen a show on trans and intersex issues. According to their data, the percentage of red heads in the country is the same (or close to) the number of intersexed people.

To through out a ponder though, how many FTM trans do you suppose were actually born male and had botched circumcisions? There were a couple people on the show who had that issue.
11/29/2009
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I'd seen a show on trans and intersex issues. According to their data, the percentage of red heads in the country is the same (or close to) the number of intersexed people.

To through out a ponder though, how many FTM trans do you suppose ... more
Well, the numbers of intersex rates are very high—higher than most people generally think, actually. Botched circumcisions, however, are something different. That technically isn't intersex, that's what it is—a botched circumsision, and doctors trying to cover up the "mistake." That rate is a lot higher than most people believe, too.

How many might have that and not have known? Plenty. There are plenty of intersex people who do not even know that they're intersex until the time comes with puberty where it's evident that something's different. Even then, there are many times that parents lie and say, "Well, you're just different, you'll get your period eventually" or "The reason why you don't have a lot of hair growth is because not a lot of men in the family do." A person who is a trans- man can be intersex also. I could explain that further, if you'd like.
11/29/2009
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by deceased
The worst part of being of FTM in Hawaii is there are no resources. There are no surgeons qualified to do any of the surgeries, and you can wait years till you get an appointment and are finally approved for hormones. Even the top board cert ... more
I agree with the lack of resources. I'm sorry to hear that, but I understand why it might be that way (though it shouldn't be). It is fairly easy here in Florida, it's only hard to get the gender marker changed in courts or medically.
11/29/2009
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by deceased
The worst part of being of FTM in Hawaii is there are no resources. There are no surgeons qualified to do any of the surgeries, and you can wait years till you get an appointment and are finally approved for hormones. Even the top board cert ... more
I agree with the lack of resources. I'm sorry to hear that, but I understand why it might be that way (though it shouldn't be). It is fairly easy here in Florida, it's only hard to get the gender marker changed in courts or medically.
11/29/2009
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
From that show I watched (HBO indie films i think), one of the people on there (Dr) said that there is a guideline for determining gender. If the clit/penis is a certain length it's one or the other, regardless of what is there. I really hope MA can clear this up as he works in this field.

I really wish I knew more about transgender, but i really don't know that much. I think the best way to help is to be informed.
11/29/2009
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
From that show I watched (HBO indie films i think), one of the people on there (Dr) said that there is a guideline for determining gender. If the clit/penis is a certain length it's one or the other, regardless of what is there. I really hope MA ... more
Well, that's what they decide from. They choose the child's gender based on physical attributes, when they honestly should just leave it alone.

That, however, is not a botched circumcision. That's intersex gender determination based off of ignorance. A botched circumcision is where a family has the child circumcised, then they cut off too much skin and do a bad job of it so they feel that it has to be "fixed."
11/29/2009
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
Well, that's what they decide from. They choose the child's gender based on physical attributes, when they honestly should just leave it alone.

That, however, is not a botched circumcision. That's intersex gender determination ... more
Both cases are really sad.
11/29/2009
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
Both cases are really sad.
I do agree with you. Normalization surgery is something that I'm wholeheartedly against. In most cases, it's unnecessary and not for any true medical purpose. If the child is able to function with having variant genitals, then there's no reason to change them into what's considered "normal." And botched surgeries are also very upsetting, especially when the person has no idea that that happened until they're much older.
11/29/2009
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
I have wondered how many FTM trans were actually born male and had that happen to them. I'd feel bad for any and all of them.
11/29/2009
Contributor: deceased deceased
i doubt there are a lot of botched circs. My hospital has done millions of them (really) in their past 101 year existance and hasn't botched one.

I was a case of ambiguous gender. I did not get a period till age 22, and till then, I or no one else in the world knew I had been born female. The just though undescended testes, sterile. They didn't have all the cool high tech stuff. Anyway, some man tried to pick me up and offered me money for a blow job. I was 21, he thought I was a nice looking guy. Not being gay and telling him I was not for sale wasn't enough. He had to expose himself to me. So I beat the living crap out of him. He got solicitation and I got anger management which was talk therapy and chemotherapy and female hormones. From there, I became a woman. One that still looked, talked, walked and acted like a man, but had breasts and bled every two weeks. I also developed lots of internal tumors from that. I've had to have my bladder resected for cancer from the hormones, and my uterus (6lbs of tumors) removed. They left the ovaries because although they have tumors the surgeon said "we couldn't get them, we had to close you up.''

I still live in a neutral gender zone physically. I look like an average size, v tapered, guy. I have no gender marker on my state ID. It wasn't by request. Even femal would be better. I was told at the airport since "I had no gender marker, I can't leave the island". WTF? I didn't choose not to have a marker. I brought my birth cert and everything. Of course that didn't reveal any info either.

They also did not have all of this easy "live the real life test and bring letters from doctors and we will hormonally reassign you".

In Russia, not an option. Transgender people are criminals. Till recently, gay people were too.
We did not have the "turn 18 and go to an endo and get hormones" Was not an option. We just lived as the sex we felt we were supposed to be. Now, at age 47, I can get hormones. We have our first and only main land educated endocrinologist (all our doctor are involved with diabetes, they could care less about male or female hormone replacement or thyroid problems. In Hawaii, people eat shit and breathe white rice and noodles till they get to the size of Sumo wrestlers. Naturally, the population is noncompliant, so they will soon fuel surgeon's offices for amputations, cardiologists, and nephrologists and still think their traditional diet of pure white poison is the way to go.
Hence, hormonally dysphoric people are of no concern, they are minorities. Virus sized, atomic particle minorities,
11/29/2009
Contributor: oliverHyde oliverHyde
As I genderqueer I feel pretty blessed. I have a fairly ambiguous body and I live in a supportive house with another genderqueer. However, I really wish I could bind without it damaging my breasts. I wake up some morning and I want them gone. I want a flat chest with handsome pecks. I absolutely want to be perceived as a boy. Then other mornings I wake up and feel like a girl, I absolutely revel in my breasts. I love their shape, the way they feel, and the way other people react when they see them. Binding would be the perfect option except that it will damage my breasts over time. As much as I want to be perceived as a boy part-time, the thought of changing, removing or even just reducing my breasts saddens me.

I also dislike the fact that when I feel and present like a boy, I'm very often perceived as an effeminate gay man. I feel like I'm in great danger of getting gay bashed when I present this way. All the gay boys I know that look like me have been beat up for it by a total stranger at least once. At least when I present girl I look girly enough that I'm not at risk the same way stone butches are. The rates at which they're sexually assaulted astounds me.
11/30/2009
Contributor: deceased deceased
Binding should not do damage to your breasts over a lifetime. Restriction of arm movement, atrophy of the pectoralis major and minor from disuse (lack of exercise from restriction) or binding so tight that you crush a rib or restrict vessels (rare) can hurt breasts, but wearing a tight binder daily will not hurt the breast tissue. Just take them off to sleep.
12/05/2009
Contributor: oliverHyde oliverHyde
really?! Yay!!! I've been avoiding binding all this time because of misinformation! That's the best news I've heard in a long time.
12/05/2009
Contributor: deceased deceased
i would make it a quality binder like FTM solutions rather than a neoprene waist belt or ace wraps. I can give you info on where to fet good binders at low cost. I think they are already listed on my links page.
12/05/2009
Contributor: deceased deceased
Quote:
Originally posted by deceased
i would make it a quality binder like FTM solutions rather than a neoprene waist belt or ace wraps. I can give you info on where to fet good binders at low cost. I think they are already listed on my links page.
link


So far these are the best quality I have found. If you have questions about your size, call them. If you fluctuate in size, you may want to buy your reg size and a larger one for that time of month, etc.
12/05/2009
Contributor: stuck in the middle stuck in the middle
Quote:
Originally posted by deceased
link


So far these are the best quality I have found. If you have questions about your size, call them. If you fluctuate in size, you may want to buy your reg size and a larger one for that time of month, etc.
For me the part I hate about being trans or parts its how the public views us all.for the most part we are viewed as subhumans and freaks.I am IS as well so that makes things worse considering none of us asked for this.

Another thing I hate is that most of those interested in us in general are only interested in sex.Granted I love sex but at heart I'd love a good solid relationship and a chance to truly live just an average daily life.

From what I understand the AMA now recognizes trans as being a medical condition and I hope that ins companies will now start covering more of the process to change so I can complete my transition within the near future
01/19/2010
Contributor: jursa008 jursa008
The dysphoria is the worst part. Knowing that have to buy an attachment just to have sex like everybody else. That can be really bothersome at times.
10/20/2010
Contributor: Fishie Princess Fishie Princess
Given that I have opted not to physically transition, I think the hardest part for me is explaining my gender identity. In my experience, many (though certainly not all) cisgender people have a hard time understanding how gender can feel complicated, and our cis-sexist society really doesn't have the language to adequately explain the many gender-variant identities that fall outside of the man/woman binary. I find the misunderstandings, assumptions and stereotypes can really get in the way of having meaningful conversations about transgender identities.
11/03/2010
Contributor: grrltalk grrltalk
Personally, I love being trans. Don't get me wrong, it is a struggle sometimes, dealing with assholes, fear of bashing, bashing, harassment, body dysphoria, no positive media role models, constant hyper- and a- sexualization and extreme archetyping, etc. etc. But, we've talked so long as a community about what is so bad about being trans. The worst thing, for me, is the net structural and cultural oppression and violence that trans folks face everyday, and the cultural violence perpetrated against trans expressions.

But that said, I would not be the person I am today if I weren't trans. I can't imagine my life if I weren't actually. To me, my trans identity is not about aspiring to cissexuality, rather, my transsexuality and genderqueerness are about knowing who I am, and aspiring to truly be me. I am happy that I am trans, now that I have had the time to process it and figure out what it really means to me. I am a trans woman, and I am transitioning, but I am also genderqueer, play with boy drag, and am all over the gender spectrum. Gender is fluid and fun and beautiful if we use it for liberation and say fuck-all to the binary boxes.

(That is not to say binary conforming genders are not okay, but rather, imposing those identities onto people is not okay)
11/03/2010
Contributor: Missmarc Missmarc
Quote:
Originally posted by deceased
i doubt there are a lot of botched circs. My hospital has done millions of them (really) in their past 101 year existance and hasn't botched one.

I was a case of ambiguous gender. I did not get a period till age 22, and till then, I or no ... more
I am truly sorry about what you had to go through. I can only imagine the pain.
12/11/2011
Contributor: Chirple Chirple
I've talked to three mental health workers about how I feel and what I want, and I was written off all three times and told to "get in touch with myself".

Nothing has really changed, but how I'm approaching it has. I'm going to try to breast removal / reduction any way I can, once I can afford it. I don't know how I'll get approval, but they're pretty big chest-bits, so I figure I can weedle a reduction somehow, at least.
12/11/2011