The New Intimacy

Straight male partners of FTMs

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Contributor: MJ7 MJ7
There really isn't a lot of information on this, but my partner and I are looking for all the information and support we can get.

I am FTM and have only begun to transition in small ways (stopped shaving legs, wearing more masculine clothes, etc), but I really do hope to have both top and bottom surgery in the future.

My partner and I entered a relationship as a "straight couple". I identified as a pansexual female when we met but since we've started talking marriage and all that, I've come out to him as transgender/genderquee r. He identifies as a hetero cisgender male, and finding out this information about me was very hard for him, as he's never felt attracted to males or encountered this sort of thing before.

However, he loves me very much and has been supportive beyond belief. He loves me for me, not what's under my clothes, and though it will be hard for him he says he will accept me and support me if/when the time comes for me to transition through hormones and surgery.

So anyway - just looking for anyone else going through a similar experience, and for any information/links you might have that would be helpful! Thank you!
09/05/2012
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Contributor: xxjoel xxjoel
Quote:
Originally posted by MJ7
There really isn't a lot of information on this, but my partner and I are looking for all the information and support we can get.

I am FTM and have only begun to transition in small ways (stopped shaving legs, wearing more masculine ... more
This is pretty damn close to my experience, except that I'm not my boyfriend's first boyfriend. He dated another trans guy before me, but it wasn't until about six months into our relationship before I realized I was transgender.

Really, the only thing that you can do is take it at THEIR pace. Educate him and tell him what you'd like to accomplish (both long term and short term) and as you're taking each step discuss it and let him get comfortable. For example, the Boyfriend knew I wanted to come out of the closet, but I didn't start doing it until he started using my preferred pronouns relatively regularly.

Good luck!
09/07/2012
Contributor: eroticmutt eroticmutt
I started dating my partner (we are engaged now) before I came out as transgender. In fact, he is the one who first picked up on all my behaviors/desires/mann erisms and talked to me about it, letting me know he thought that I was male and that is how I was thinking and moving toward in life, and I admitted that he was right.

We have been together just over a year now and while he initially didn't want me to get top surgery or have testicular implants (which would mean closing of the vagina) he has since told me first that he is fine with me getting top surgery and later that he wishes I wouldn't get the testicular implants done but that he realizes that will complete my metoidioplasty once I get it as well as looking normal even though small, and he is fine with this.

He has been absolutely perfect, even helping me to find a doctor and driving me to and from my appointments, including to see the doctor I scheduled my top surgery with (which I will be getting next month!)
09/12/2012
Contributor: Beck Beck
I just wanted to comment how excellent your partners are. I know that a chance like this could add a lot a strain on your relationships. Hell even the relationships with anyone around you. It's wonderful to hear there are supporting people out there!
09/12/2012
Contributor: butts butts
The best you can do is educate him and take it slow. Unfortunately you can't MAKE him be attracted to males if he just ISN'T, but if he's open minded and really cares about you, he may grow to not care about your physical sex. That's really wonderful that he's so supportive even though he's not attracted to males, that says a lot about him already. As with anyone you interact with, do remind him that you're not changing who you are, only your body to match your identity, you'll be the same person he fell in love with regardless of your body.
09/12/2012
Contributor: MJ7 MJ7
Quote:
Originally posted by eroticmutt
I started dating my partner (we are engaged now) before I came out as transgender. In fact, he is the one who first picked up on all my behaviors/desires/mann erisms and talked to me about it, letting me know he thought that I was male and that is ... more
That is so awesome! I hope with time my partner will be that supportive, he is certainly well on his way there
09/21/2012
Contributor: adam71 adam71
wishing u all the best
10/08/2012