There is no right or wrong way to express sex or gender.

If the operation isn't right for her now, or ever, that's fine.

The "average" person isn't going to understand, no. The "average" person would be bothered, possibly be angered, and could even become violent.

But why should the "average" person's aesthetic desires, sexual preferences, and bodily hang-ups play into forcing someone to physically alter themselves when they're just not ready or don't want to ? less

Yup! Surgery isn't necessarily the right option for everyone. Surgery can end up diminishing the capacity for orgasm, and possibly eliminating that possibility altogether. Surgery for trans women also tends to mean life long "maintenance" through activities like routine dilations. Surgery can mean infection, loss of feeling, and many other risks. Surgery always carries serious risks with it, and for some, the risks are worth it and that's great. For others, the risk are not worth it, and this is also perfectly fine. Others cannot afford this multi-thousand dollar surgery that insurance companies rarely help out with. Still others don't agree with your assertion that trans genitals don't "match" their sex or gender identity. Many of these people are very happy to keep their genitals the way they are. It sounds like your friend - for the time being, at the very least - falls into that category.

Having a penis doesn't mean this person's genitals don't "match" their sex or gender identity. Genitals don't have to be a determinant of those things. A pre- or non- op trans person's genitals are not somehow incongruous with their identity. The individual decides their sex and gender identity, not a set of parts between their legs. If you want to support your friend, I would highly suggest starting by phasing bioessentialist language like this out of your vocab.

Beyond that, your friend's mental, physical and emotional safety are the priority here. She doesn't need to deal with dates and lovers that cannot or will not validate her identity at best, and may be violent toward her at worst. It might be worthwhile for her to look into dating or social networking sites and forums geared toward trans folks. Not fetishy chaser/"ally" sites, but sites where trans people can network. She might find people there can point her in the right direction for dating. She also may find she has better luck (for the moment, at least) dating people that somewhat understand her concerns because they are also trans. less

I have a friend who is a M2F transgender woman, pre-op, and although she is definitely a woman on the inside, her genitals just don't match the inside! She is actually in no rush to change this, but a lot of people give her grief about it. I was just curious, if you were dating a woman, knowing she is pre-op, would the male genitalia bother you? I always try to give her advice and help her out, but I thought maybe getting an idea of whether or not this is a big issue among MOST people rather than just the few who have come into her life, might help me out! less

I have a friend who is a M2F transgender woman, pre-op, and although she is definitely a woman on the inside, her genitals just don't match the inside! She is actually in no rush to change this, but a lot of people give her grief about it. I was just curious, if you were dating a woman, knowing she is pre-op, would the male genitalia bother you? I always try to give her advice and help her out, but I thought maybe getting an idea of whether or not this is a big issue among MOST people rather than just the few who have come into her life, might help me out! less

Geez, what is wrong with these people? IF your friend is in a serious relationship, that partner has earned the right to express an opinion about the matter. But other than that, what business is it of anyone else's? It's her body, her risks, her decision. less