The New Intimacy

Disclosure

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Contributor: TheParrishism TheParrishism
At what point in a relationship do you usually disclose? How different is it for friends vs lovers? What is your rule of thumb?
03/19/2012
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Contributor: scaredlittleboy scaredlittleboy
It's different for me because I'm very active in LGBT groups, but dating and making friends in non-queer circles can be difficult because disclosure can be such a shitty experience.
03/19/2012
Contributor: pestilence pestilence
I don't date. That pretty much solves the problem!

When it comes to friendships, I don't bother disclosing unless there's a practical reason to do so - if I'll be meeting someone in real life (since I don't pass), if I need to explain some weird bullshit I just shared about my childhood, etc.
03/19/2012
Contributor: butts butts
once I know someone has interest in dating, I tell them. With friends, I don't bother unless they become confused about what pronouns I prefer. I'm around too many people every day to explain it to every person.
03/19/2012
Contributor: lukas24 lukas24
Hmm..I don't date either - so much easier!
03/20/2012
Contributor: sneako sneako
I'd say you disclose when you feel ready. if the other person doesn't make you feel comfortable enough to talk about gender and sexuality, they're probably not worth your time.
03/20/2012
Contributor: hjtee hjtee
My husband and I had a mutual friend, so I knew before we started dating. I think knowing earlier is better than later.
03/20/2012
Contributor: Rab Rab
I didn't feel comfortable enough to acknowledge it in myself until my girl and I had been together a year, so I never really had to disclose, we just worked through it together
03/20/2012
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
What is "disclose" in this case?
03/20/2012
Contributor: Rab Rab
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
What is "disclose" in this case?
I think the op meant coming out to a friend or romantic partner as being a non-cis person
03/20/2012
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Rab
I think the op meant coming out to a friend or romantic partner as being a non-cis person
Thanks for the clarification!
03/20/2012
Contributor: TheParrishism TheParrishism
I think it becomes more of an issue the more one is read as the chosen gender and the more stealth someone becomes.
03/22/2012