The New Intimacy

A Bit Of An Odd Question- HELP!

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Contributor: Pink Kitty Pink Kitty
Ok so I am gay, and a crossdresser. I like someone who is a VERY butch (born) female who ACTUALLY wants to be a man. She actually prefers to be called "HE" (so out of respect for this person I will call "her" a "he" for the duration of this post). Anyway he dresses like a man, acts like a man, and he wants to actually go through surgical procedures to become a man.

I mean I am attracted to him, there is no doubt about that... what should I do in this situation. I do like him, (personality and looks), I REALLY want to express my feelings to him. But I kinda wanna do it when he has gone fully through the change, OR does that seem a bit shallow. I dont want it to seem that I am saying "I will only like you when you are an actual man"
12/11/2011
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Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Pink Kitty
Ok so I am gay, and a crossdresser. I like someone who is a VERY butch (born) female who ACTUALLY wants to be a man. She actually prefers to be called "HE" (so out of respect for this person I will call "her" a "he" for ... more
I personally feel that they are a man weather or not they go through the surgery, so weather you tell them before or after isn't a big deal. I personally may tell them before to avoid misunderstandings, but don't rush yourself. So it when you feel up to it, don't worry so much about the pre/post surgery status.
12/11/2011
Contributor: Chirple Chirple
Phalloplasty can cost ridiculous amounts of money - so unless this person is loaded, I doubt they're going to end up identical to a guy who was born with a penis and all.

And, honestly, if you cannot accept them as a man now I'd stay away (now and later) - it's only going to hurt them.

It's okay, some people can't get over that barrier and I'm not going to shame you for it - but it would be best not to get involved if that's the case.
12/11/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
I can only agree with what's already posted. If this is someone you are attracted to, then what's between their legs at this particular moment is pretty much a moot point. Unless that matters to you - and if it does that's ok too. But, if you plan on waiting until after surgery, it may be a while before you can make your move.
12/11/2011
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
If you're attracted to the person, you're attracted to the person and you should go for it now. Are you physically attracted to him the way he looks RIGHT NOW?

But if his not being a completely physical male is what's stopping you then you and that person are probably not a match for several reasons - he may never actually have the reassignment surgery (not all people go through with bottom surgery and many can't afford it), the reassignment process could take years, or he may pick up on the fact that you were only interested in him once he had some form of a flesh penis and that won't make him feel good about who he truly is. And there's nothing wrong with that, if your interests lie strongly in the male bodied only, that's perfectly fine and it's better you are aware of what you want - but getting involved now or later wouldn't be fair to either of you.
12/11/2011
Contributor: Pink Kitty Pink Kitty
Quote:
Originally posted by Tori Rebel
If you're attracted to the person, you're attracted to the person and you should go for it now. Are you physically attracted to him the way he looks RIGHT NOW?

But if his not being a completely physical male is what's stopping you ... more
Not entirely. I mean he still technically is a female. And that is the part I cant get past >_<
12/12/2011
Contributor: Gingy Gingy
if you cant get past it now you wont in the future I was with someone who went through a change and nothing is ever exactly male/female in the end. Its close but not the same.
If you are already having cold feet you are probably looking at the wrong guy. Being with a trans is not easy it takes a special kind of person to handle all the emotional, financial, and social set backs.
12/15/2011
Contributor: Pink Kitty Pink Kitty
Quote:
Originally posted by Gingy
if you cant get past it now you wont in the future I was with someone who went through a change and nothing is ever exactly male/female in the end. Its close but not the same.
If you are already having cold feet you are probably looking at the ... more
It's not cold feet at all, its "When is the time to tell him."

It's simply that I dont want to scare him off
12/16/2011
Contributor: GONE! GONE!
If you're hung up on his junk and him "technically" still being anything, then I suggest not starting anything because you're only going to end up disappointed/confused/ unhappy and this person will probably be hurt and offended. I'm telling you this as a trans person. I would not want to be referred to as someone who only wants to be my gender, I am my gender regardless of what my body looks like. It's not a big deal, a lot of people don't know and do phrase things that way, but if you're going to pursue him ask him how he wants to be referred to and treated.
12/17/2011
Contributor: Missmarc Missmarc
Quote:
Originally posted by Pink Kitty
Ok so I am gay, and a crossdresser. I like someone who is a VERY butch (born) female who ACTUALLY wants to be a man. She actually prefers to be called "HE" (so out of respect for this person I will call "her" a "he" for ... more
Is he taking T right now? has he visited a doctor about transition at all? Or is he just dressing like a man? Transitioning can be a very long process. Bottom surgery options are not very great for FTM transgendered people right now. Is he actually thinking about going through that? Which type of procedure? Because the lack of options, and the risk for that are involved with bottom surgeries, chance is he will never end up with a genital looking close to a real penis.

If you like this person, you should tell him already. If he's just thinking about start transition, chance is he can use the support you can provide.
12/20/2011
Contributor: Rawhide Rawhide
All transitioning issues aside... if you like him now, if you want him now, then tell him. Don't wait.
12/20/2011
Contributor: Pink Kitty Pink Kitty
Quote:
Originally posted by Missmarc
Is he taking T right now? has he visited a doctor about transition at all? Or is he just dressing like a man? Transitioning can be a very long process. Bottom surgery options are not very great for FTM transgendered people right now. Is he actually ... more
I actually told him, no testosterone though.

And he does want to start something. I mean I told him "Look I like you a lot, I have had a crush on you possibly from the moment I saw you and thought you were a guy. But you are female, and that is the part that bugs me."

Well apparently he has had a crush on me as well. so he said he wants to wait for me. But EVEN HE wants to wait until he is transitioned. That way he can provide me with the comfort and security that I am actually with a man.

However as you point out "Missmarc" Yes, I will be there for him through the transition
12/20/2011
Contributor: Snozzberries Snozzberries
Came in for the odd question, stayed for the amazing posts of support.

I'm glad it worked out for you how it did.
12/28/2011