The New Intimacy

Kids being gay

Skip to last post
Set alerts
Updates
Forum search
Contributor: Incendiaire Incendiaire
If we're asking can children be consciously gay, then no, I don't believe they can. I don't believe they can consciously be straight either.

Even though it's predetermined from birth that some children will be grow up to be gay, and others straight, sexual orientation remains very much dormant throughout childhood. It's not until puberty that anyone can experience a true sexual attraction, and then use that to accurately identify what their orientation is.

Trying to peg a sexual orientation on children is more a reflection of the adults around them than the children themselves.
02/22/2012
Contributor: ladychristie ladychristie
I think at any age you'd know if you are attracted to the same sex, I currently know someone who has a son who we think may turn out to be gay. There's nothing wrong with it, but they're not sure if it's just a stage or anything so they're just waiting and seeing.
02/22/2012
Contributor: Zombirella Zombirella
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
So I went to see The Sitter with my husband tonight, and in the movie the young boy (about 12 or 13) realizes he's gay. Do you think children can really tell if they are gay or not? I'm not saying there's something wrong with it - I ... more
I absolutely believe children that age and even younger know.
03/10/2012
Contributor: Interesante Interesante
I definitely think that they can be. Kids start 'dating' and having sex at yoinger and younger ages these days. They gotta know something or another about their preferences.
03/10/2012
Contributor: Mwar Mwar
According to studies (and personal accounts) a child knows that they're "different" at a young age, averaging about 8. For example, did you have a crush in grade school? I know I did in kindergarten. It starts even there.

It is also because children pick up on social cues with elders how they should act with the opposite sex. Sometimes gay children can pick up they are different and feel that their difference won't be accepted. Even at that age they are quiet, knowing something is amiss. I've also have a brother who's said he always knew he was gay. We did too.

Hope that helps.
03/11/2012
Contributor: Khanner Khanner
That's about the age (12-13) I had my first serious crush on a girl, so yes. I didn't really start having crushes until puberty, but I'm sure that age varies greatly between people.
03/12/2012
Contributor: Sunshineamine Sunshineamine
I have quite a few gay friends and most of them knew when they were children that they were attracted to the same sex. I have been attracted to women and men since I was in grade school.
03/12/2012
Contributor: (k)InkyIvy (k)InkyIvy
Although I didn't understand it, I was attracted to girls as well as boys when I was a child.
03/12/2012
Contributor: Sinfully Sinfully
Yes it is something that can be learned early on.
03/12/2012
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Pink Kitty
OH! P.S. I knew one kid on my street... she calls herself bisexual... but she has never to this day been with a female. So some kinds fall into the gay/ bi community just to sound like they are cool or something almost as if it is a fad...
i wouldn't write off someone's personal sexual identification period. i certainly wouldn't due to who they have or haven't been with.

i have a good friend who is a virgin, and he is 110% gay. he's so opposed to vaginas it's humorous, and loves him the boys! but he's never been with a man. he's so shy.

i was bisexual for a long time before i was ever 'with' a girl because i was so totally shy with girls. with guys it came easy, and was the social 'norm' so it was so much easier. opening up those side-conversations and those alternate experiences is harder sometimes.


just because someone hasn't been with a female doesn't make them straight. don't judge.
03/12/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Incendiaire
If we're asking can children be consciously gay, then no, I don't believe they can. I don't believe they can consciously be straight either.

Even though it's predetermined from birth that some children will be grow up to be ... more
I have to disagree. I knew I was straight and was attracted to males when I was probably about 6 years old, maybe younger. I have GLBT friends who knew they were attracted to the same gender at about the same age, maybe younger.

Some kids are just tuned in to their sexuality younger than others.

I have to say my sexual preference wasn't 100% gelled at six or so, I certainly played experimental sex games with kids of both genders, not really preferring one over the other. But, I knew the actual attraction was for boys.
03/12/2012
Contributor: TexasFire TexasFire
Not really sure. I haven't really made a decision as to whether I believe that a person is or is not born gay/bi/etc. There may be good science on both sides of that issue, but probably not a truly convincing argument either way. People are people, with so many variations in our thoughts, actions, biochemistry...

I do know that growing up, I experimented with how I masturbated. While I am not attracted to my own gender, anal stimulation did really interest me for a number of years.
03/12/2012
Contributor: LAndJ LAndJ
I know children who have decided already at a young age.
03/12/2012
Contributor: SubmissiveFeminist SubmissiveFeminist
People establish identity at different stages, some do it at a very young age.
03/13/2012
Contributor: Ms Sax Ms Sax
I had crushes on girls when I was extremely young, before puberty, and I turned out to be a Lesbian.
03/13/2012
Contributor: plaidvulva plaidvulva
Yes, it is possible for a kid to know they're gay.
03/13/2012
Contributor: hyacinthgirl hyacinthgirl
Some do, some don't. When I was very little, I thought women were pretty, and some men were pretty, and I wanted to be married to a boy when I got big. When I discovered what sex was, I still had a vague notion that I was going to marry a boy someday, but the idea of sexual contact turned my stomach. I started identifying as asexual at 12. That lasted until I was 26 and realized that I had the capacity to enjoy and desire sex with men other than my first. I now identify as straight.

I've had friends that realized early, friends that realized late, friends that have been in denial, and friends that have altered somewhat from what they thought their primary sexuality was as they have gotten older. Everyone learns things about themselves at different rates, which is why I'll probably leave my own kids with "Either, both, or neither, it's okay with me, and if anyone tells you you're betraying anything, knock their teeth out".
03/14/2012
Contributor: Falsepast Falsepast
i think they can be and some are, but i do not believe they will truly realize until a later age
03/14/2012
Contributor: GirlOnGirl GirlOnGirl
I absolutely think it's possible. It's a very individual experience though, so while it could happen for one person during childhood it could occur much later for another person.
03/14/2012
Contributor: Missmarc Missmarc
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
So I went to see The Sitter with my husband tonight, and in the movie the young boy (about 12 or 13) realizes he's gay. Do you think children can really tell if they are gay or not? I'm not saying there's something wrong with it - I ... more
Well, I am not sure about the sexual attraction part. As far as trans goes, I've always heard people say they felt that they are in the wrong body since they could remember (as in 3 or 4).
05/26/2012
Contributor: Undecided Undecided
Quote:
Originally posted by switzerland
i mean, who am i to judge. but i really think your gender and sexual preference is something you are born with. things and circumstances can change your preference, for sure, but i definitely think kids know what they are talking about. usually, they ... more
I agree I believe the day you are born is the day your sexual preferences are established as well just some realize it at different ages
05/26/2012
Contributor: BeepBop BeepBop
I didn't have a word for it yet (lesbian, homosexual, etc.), but in a way I did know I was gay when I was 12 or so.
05/27/2012
Contributor: Youssii Youssii
First crush on a woman aged 6, first crush on a guy aged about 9, came out as a trans man (female to male transgender person) AND as being pansexual (liking all genders/sexes) at 13, genderqueer (I'm still a trans guy, just GQ as well) at 16(when I found out it existed), and I've not changed since I can remember.
05/28/2012
Contributor: theavocadopit theavocadopit
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
So I went to see The Sitter with my husband tonight, and in the movie the young boy (about 12 or 13) realizes he's gay. Do you think children can really tell if they are gay or not? I'm not saying there's something wrong with it - I ... more
I dont remember myself at all!
05/28/2012
Contributor: digit88 digit88
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
So I went to see The Sitter with my husband tonight, and in the movie the young boy (about 12 or 13) realizes he's gay. Do you think children can really tell if they are gay or not? I'm not saying there's something wrong with it - I ... more
weird story
06/02/2012
Contributor: Bex1331 Bex1331
I had my first crush on a girl around 8-10, I remember thinking "wow shes so pretty... I want to be her friend." It only occurred to me later that this was not exactly what I wanted. I think for someone who is exclusively gay (not bi) it is probably a lot more obvious to them at a young age and no they may not know for sure, I'm sure they have an idea that they will begin to explore.
06/02/2012
Contributor: Love Obsessed Love Obsessed
I think kids can be gay.When I went through puberty I wasn't attracted to girls.I've always been attracted to men.So I think young children and teens know what they want.
06/02/2012
Contributor: Phosphorous Tick Phosphorous Tick
Kids are VERY self aware of themselves.
HOWEVER sometimes they can be coerced in to thinking they are something they're not due to the people around them and that goes every way straight/gay/bi/ whatever.
Until the child states how they feel you won't really know.
06/02/2012
Contributor: Bittenflame Bittenflame
Hell i showed signs of being a lesbian all the way bsck to the age of 4
06/02/2012
Contributor: zz1aag zz1aag
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
So I went to see The Sitter with my husband tonight, and in the movie the young boy (about 12 or 13) realizes he's gay. Do you think children can really tell if they are gay or not? I'm not saying there's something wrong with it - I ... more
its something u just feel
06/03/2012