The New Intimacy

Consummation on Wedding Night

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Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
In the recent 'where did you lose your virginity' discussion, there were posts about those whose First Time really was on their wedding night. There were also many mentions about how exhausted and tired they were, and did it just for form's sake.

So, I'm coming from never having a consummated marriage (it's still ending in divorce because we can't 'prove' non-consummation). And I distinctly do NOT recall anything about my wedding day except a few highlights that are jogged by looking at the pictures - I was running on sleep deprivation that whole week beforehand to get it ready. And I know for certain that my head hit the pillow and I was out like a light as soon as I got into bed that night. The dramas and fatigue were too much to even bother trying to do anything for 'form's sake' (who's watching to make sure you do it, anyway?) just because it HAD to be THAT night.

Question: Did you consummate your marriage your wedding night? Or did you wait for the day after? How much did fatigue (if any) get in the way of your enjoyment? Did you feel it was worth it for form's sake or did it really mean something to you?
09/06/2010
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Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
In the recent 'where did you lose your virginity' discussion, there were posts about those whose First Time really was on their wedding night. There were also many mentions about how exhausted and tired they were, and did it just for ... more
We had a fairly small and not-so-formal wedding. My mom lived in FL at the time and was only going to be in NJ for the wedding for a couple of days so we left the wedding, checked into the hotel (that was only 20 min from home...honeymoon was weeks afterward), changed, showered, did it REALLY quick then went to my aunt's to hang out w/ my mom and bbq and have fun. It wasn't romantic, it was quick, but the rest of the night was fun. We'd lived together for a year and a half before so it just didn't seem that necessary. Maybe if our wedding was a bigger or more formal thing it would've seemed different? I don't know.
09/06/2010
Contributor: Pleasure Piratess Pleasure Piratess
We did consumate on the wedding night, but we were both exhausted. Probably wouldn't have if it wasn't expected.
09/06/2010
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Interesting question - since we had sex many times before our wedding day, I didn't consider sex on our wedding day a 'consummation' - but yes off course we had sex that night - many times!
09/06/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
It kinda seems like a throw-back concept to me.

One thing that struck me from that thread is the person who said their first time (girl?) wasn't painful. I wonder if sex toys helped with that.
09/06/2010
Contributor: Alicia Alicia
Our relationship had already been consummated a million times over, but we did consummate our wedding on our wedding night. Yes we were exhausted but it didn't suck or anything and it was still incredibly romantic. After the wedding we went back to the hotel, got change and he helped me take all the bobby pins out of my hair..which is what lead to the sex and then afterwards we got all the cards out and put them on the bed and read through them and counted the cash we'd get to take on our honeymoon the next morning
09/06/2010
Contributor: Liz Liz
This is an interesting question, and one I've been thinking about lately-- I'm getting married in two months. My fiance and I have been living together for a year and a half, so our relationship has been consummated and then some, but we did spring for a lovely suite at the hotel where our wedding reception is being held. I'm hoping we'll have the energy to enjoy it that night.
09/06/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
In the recent 'where did you lose your virginity' discussion, there were posts about those whose First Time really was on their wedding night. There were also many mentions about how exhausted and tired they were, and did it just for ... more
Our wedding was a justice of thepeace courtroom type so not alot of drama or fatigue. We consummated rather vigorously that night...and the next!
09/06/2010
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
In the recent 'where did you lose your virginity' discussion, there were posts about those whose First Time really was on their wedding night. There were also many mentions about how exhausted and tired they were, and did it just for ... more
I know that I will want to that night because there is something I saved for marriage-plus it is a magical day! My boyfriend is dying for that night too, so I know he won't let it not happen either lol.
09/06/2010
Contributor: Sammi Sammi
We didn't consummate it that night, but rather that afternoon. One of the advantages to getting married and taking our honeymoon in Las Vegas was we were able to go right up to the room after the ceremony
09/06/2010
Contributor: sexysweetieshan sexysweetieshan
The hubby and I left the reception kinda early, leaving wonderful family to help clean up the mess. We went home, and after putting some leftovers in the fridge, that was the next thing we did. First time. It was magical and wonderful and we were not thinking about how tired we were, until afterwards. Fatigue did not make a difference in the enjoyment we had. Afterwards though, we passed out. Then at like 3 in the morning, we were both wide awake again for some reason, tried to have sex, but got wore out and just gave up and went back to sleep. Haha. Weird, but it was an awesome night.
09/06/2010
Contributor: sexysweetieshan sexysweetieshan
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
It kinda seems like a throw-back concept to me.

One thing that struck me from that thread is the person who said their first time (girl?) wasn't painful. I wonder if sex toys helped with that.
I was one of the people on that thread of two I think that said my first time was not painful. I am female, and it was not painful at all. I had anal sex and oral sex before marriage and PIV sex though, and on my wedding night, my first time, I was just so ready for it, it did not hurt at all. It was nice. I know, that's probably weird. But never in my life had I used toys until AFTER marriage and PIV sex, so I don't know how it was not painful for me.
09/06/2010
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
We were night-of-the-wedding. It was an afternoon wedding, but the reception was fun and so we didn't leave early. We got home after midnight (fortunately we didn't have to leave for the honeymoon the day of the wedding) and I was planning on waiting until the next day because I wanted to make sure that it was special and good, but consummating on the wedding night was important to my wife so we did.

I don't know what (if anything) she did before to make it easier, but I don't think I hurt her. We went really slow and made sure there was plenty of lube and that she was very warmed up with fingers and tongue. It was special, and I still remember it, but I do wish I hadn't been so tired (as well as not worrying about it so much).

I was so happy that I was able to get her to orgasm. It sounds really dopey, but that was one of my goals.
09/06/2010
Contributor: David88 David88
Quote:
Originally posted by ScottA
We were night-of-the-wedding. It was an afternoon wedding, but the reception was fun and so we didn't leave early. We got home after midnight (fortunately we didn't have to leave for the honeymoon the day of the wedding) and I was planning on ... more
You sound like quite the nice husband. Out of curiosity were either of you still virgins?
09/07/2010
Contributor: David88 David88
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
In the recent 'where did you lose your virginity' discussion, there were posts about those whose First Time really was on their wedding night. There were also many mentions about how exhausted and tired they were, and did it just for ... more
We actually didn't consumate our marriage until almost 11 months after getting married. I think we had read that it was best to take it easy on the day of the wedding so we took it kind of slow since everything was new to us. We ended up seeing each other naked and took a bath together. I think that's about all we did. Later during the honeymoon we had oral sex but it took almost 11 months for us to actually have intercourse.
09/07/2010
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by David88
You sound like quite the nice husband. Out of curiosity were either of you still virgins?
Both of us were.
09/07/2010
Contributor: SydVicious SydVicious
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
It kinda seems like a throw-back concept to me.

One thing that struck me from that thread is the person who said their first time (girl?) wasn't painful. I wonder if sex toys helped with that.
My first time wasn't painful either. I think today with girls using tampons and stuff it's not completely foreign to have something inside of you before actual sex. I had never had a sex toy inside of me before sex.

We consummated the marriage that night. Like Sammi, we got married in Vegas. We wanted a beautiful wedding, without all the stress. So I got my huge gown and took my ass to vegas. It was perfect for us. Our family's flew out and everyone got a vacation out of it. The only problem I had was the next morning we all met for breakfast. When we came down our families were grinning at us. We had sex before the wedding... but it was weird because now everyone KNEW the we had done it.
09/07/2010
Contributor: Jenn (aka kissmykitty) Jenn (aka kissmykitty)
(EdenFantasys)
I was nine months pregnant on the day of our wedding (backstory: we had been together for four years, engaged for three, and moved our wedding up since I got pregnant unexpectedly). After we got married -- by the justice of peace, no less (no, there was no shotgun-toting-father in attendance), I went to my OB for my nine month checkup, we stopped at Walmart to spend a few gift cards, grabbed lunch from a diner, and then went home. That night I was too tired and sore to even think about sex, so no, we technically did not consummate our wedding night. Oops.
09/07/2010
Contributor: sexysweetieshan sexysweetieshan
Quote:
Originally posted by David88
We actually didn't consumate our marriage until almost 11 months after getting married. I think we had read that it was best to take it easy on the day of the wedding so we took it kind of slow since everything was new to us. We ended up seeing ... more
Wow. 11 months. You don't hear of that a lot. With one of my moms marriages it was 10 days, but wow, 11 months is a long time.
09/07/2010
Contributor: David88 David88
Quote:
Originally posted by sexysweetieshan
Wow. 11 months. You don't hear of that a lot. With one of my moms marriages it was 10 days, but wow, 11 months is a long time.
Yeah it was definitely a challenge. My wife had vaginismus and I didn't realize it until afterwards but I was having issues with ED.
09/07/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
In the recent 'where did you lose your virginity' discussion, there were posts about those whose First Time really was on their wedding night. There were also many mentions about how exhausted and tired they were, and did it just for ... more
Well, My Man and I had been having sex for about 7 years already when we got married, but we "forced" ourselves to have sex on our wedding night. My Man is superstitious, and he really thought "we should." I was pregnant (luckily past the first trimester, just) but, we had fun anyway. I know it was a quickie, because we were SO tired and had to get up early the next morning to drive to Lake Geneva for our little honeymoon. But, yeah, it really meant something to us. Even though we had done it before. "This is our first 'legal' fuck!" We did it again the next morning, even though we had to leave soon. Then I threw our top of our wedding cake into our unheated side porch to eat on our First Anniversary (we got married in the middle of winter, the cake froze solid) and we left.

Yeah, I'm glad we did.

The night before a bunch of friends came over to our house for the "afterparty" after the reception. Everybody was eventually getting nervous, because My Man was getting amorous, and this one guy kept getting himself one more drink. One of the guys said, "Um, Bob, maybe we should leave, I think P'Gell and D want to be alone." The drunk guy slurred, "If D wanted me to leave, he'd say, 'Bob, get the fuck outta here.' He don't want us to leave."

With that My Man said, "Bob get the fuck outta here. I want to screw my wife." So, he got kicked out.
.
.
09/07/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
It kinda seems like a throw-back concept to me.

One thing that struck me from that thread is the person who said their first time (girl?) wasn't painful. I wonder if sex toys helped with that.
JR, even though my wedding night was not my first time, I have said several times that the first time we had PIV sex it didn't hurt and I didn't bleed at all.

My Man had prepared me and trained me for several weeks, with his hands and lots of manual attention etc, (I wouldn't let him go down on me until after we had PIV sex, I have NO idea why now.) so that when we finally had PIV sex the first time, it was beautiful with no pain.

It was his efforts and probably the fact that I had been trying to learn to have an orgasm by myself beforehand (with nothing other than my hands) that contributed to such a sweet experience.

We didn't get into sex toys until MANY MANY years later.
09/07/2010
Contributor: Passionate Pastor Passionate Pastor
We did have sex but we were both exhausted and starving. Our wedding reception was so hectic we did not get a chance to eat so after we had sex we ran across the street to Outback Steakhouse and enjoyed a nice quiet dinner. Sex was nice that night and on the honeymoon but I would not trade what we have now for anything!
09/07/2010
Contributor: Unconventional Unconventional
Haha, glad I'm not the only one! We were both exhausted and definitely did it because, "It's our wedding night...we HAVE to!". It was good, but it was more of a joke.
10/24/2010
Contributor: leatherlover leatherlover
My wife and I had an 11 am wedding, reception till about 4 pm, then we flew from Atlanta down to Orlando to leave for a cruise the next day. Between being up late the night before with friends, waking up early getting ready and the traveling, we did not consummate our wedding until the next day. We simply were too tired to do anything.
10/24/2010
Contributor: Matheri89 Matheri89
We were so exhausted from the whole week that we spent some time in the hot tub, and then fell asleep. We had sex before, so it was no big deal to us.

We consummated on the first night of our honeymoon. What better place than the Happiest Place On Earth?!
10/29/2010
Contributor: TechyDad TechyDad
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
In the recent 'where did you lose your virginity' discussion, there were posts about those whose First Time really was on their wedding night. There were also many mentions about how exhausted and tired they were, and did it just for ... more
According to some Jewish customs, the bride and groom are supposed to be locked in a room by themselves for a bit to consumate the marriage. We said we didn't want to do this. Over our objections, the cantor pushed us into a small room together for some time. He wouldn't let anyone in. (Not even our maid-of-honor or best man who were trying to deliver stuff to us.)

Now, this was the middle of a hot, June day and the room had no AC. We were left a small plate of food - HOT appetizers - and no water. Even if, for some weird reason, we decided that this was the perfect mood in which to consumate, by the time I got out of my tux and got my wife out of her wedding dress (even enough for consumation), our time would have been up. We just sat there steaming (both temper-wise and temperature-wise).

That night, our first night as man and wife, there wasn't any consumation either. We were too tired from the party and had to wake up early the next morning to go on our honeymoon (Disney World). So consumation had to wait for another day.
11/02/2010
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by TechyDad
According to some Jewish customs, the bride and groom are supposed to be locked in a room by themselves for a bit to consumate the marriage. We said we didn't want to do this. Over our objections, the cantor pushed us into a small room together ... more
Did you do the thing where someone from the groom's side checks to make sure the bride's father hasn't pulled a switcheroo on the groom? Not sure what it's called, but I heard that some traditions of Judaism still have that (because of Jacob/Israel's little "surprise").
11/02/2010
Contributor: SexyTabby SexyTabby
We are one of the ones who did not consummate our marriage on our wedding night.

Our wedding was huge and even though it was in the beginning of March it was hot and our nerves were taunt. If hubby were in a room with windows he'd have probably ran! (ok, maybe not but hell I felt like running with everyone telling me where I was supposed to be, how to hold this, snapping photos every second and when to say that...blah blah blah!)

After the wedding all 300+ guests went to a formal dinner where we performed all the necessary formal rituals expected. After the cake and garter were done people finally started leaving. Then came off the shoes and the enjoyment began with the real family and friends that mattered.

Everyone was drunk as hell except the mother of the bride and the bride. Mother took care of seeing to the family too drunk to drive and I drove drunk hubby home. He attempted to carry me over the threshold but...he wasn't walking too straight and if he had dropped me down the stairs in my gown I'd have killed him. So we went in and found ourselves surrounded by more nosy family all demanding that we sit and open our wedding presents...wtf...serio usly.

After they finally gave us some peace and quiet hubby was too tired to even care and we had to be up in four hours to leave for our honeymoon so him undoing the back of my gown was probably the most skin he remotely touched on our wedding day.

Honeymoon rocked though lol
11/02/2010
Contributor: Mr. & Mrs. Peg Mr. & Mrs. Peg
Didn't consumate on wedding night of first marriage....ended in divorce.
Consumated on weddingn night of real marriage......still going strong.

Correlation does not imply causation.
01/07/2011