The New Intimacy

Your lady parts and you

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Contributor: mr115393 mr115393
One of my better friends has some serious hang-ups about her vagina/vulva. It freaks her out and that prevents her from being able to masturbate or enjoy sex, so she's never actually had a decent orgasm.

Seeing as I tend to be a much more sexual person, she has started asking for my advice lately on how to be able to masturbate without being grossed-out by her genitals.

I've tried to talk her through it, and to help her find some more positive ways to view her body, but I'm really out of ideas. This isn't exactly something I've personally experienced, so I'm working off of theory.

So, I was wondering how many women here had the problem of being too disturbed by your body to enjoy it, and how they worked through it, because she really wants advice and I think I've reached the end of my usefulness to her.
10/15/2012
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Contributor: Sera26 Sera26
I'm not sure what her exact issue is but try looking up positive forums or sites about it online & forwarding them to her. I had an issue that guys actually made me feel bad about. I read up on it years back when it was bothering me and found out that some people love it and it's just not shown that much in porn, mags, etc. Now if someone says anything about it I tell them to f off and don't have sex with them. Try to explain to her that everyone is different.
10/15/2012
Contributor: ValerieRayne ValerieRayne
I've always had a love/hate relationship with my vulva and ultimately my vagina. Prior to having kids was when it was at my absolute worst. I didn't want people to look at it, when I masturbated I refused to touch it, I just didn't really like it.

The first thing that really helped me become better friends with my lady parts was watching The Vagina Monologues. That changed my life! I also watched a lot of documentaries on artworks that involved the many shapes, sizes and colors of the vulva/vagina. Seeing that my clit wasn't much bigger than most other women was very comforting and seeing that my labia majora were relatively tight compared to some of the larger labia made me more confident. Really, looking outside of the mainstream porn world can often be the most comforting thing in the world to show you that yours is no different than any others.

Like Sera26 said, it's hard to give much advice without knowing what the real hang ups are. You would deal with it entirely differently if it weren't something that was all in her head or something from an external point-of-view that is affecting her. For instance, if she had experienced some sort of trauma dealing with her genitals at any point of her life, the advice and support she would need would be completely different than if she just one day woke up and thought that her vulva was unpretty...

And when it comes to vulva/vagina appreciation, the trick is the same as body love. The first thing they'll tell you is to strip naked and look at your body in a mirror. Instead of pointing out all the things you hate, pick out the few things you love and focus on those. Same goes with vulva/vagina love. Grab a mirror and got all gynecological with your bad self. Spread your legs and just stare at the reflection. Look for something that catches your interest, something that doesn't horrify you and just focus on that one thing. Then, continue on to analyze how you feel about the rest of your bits. What bothers you and why? Do you think other women experience these issues? If not, why? If so, why?
10/16/2012