The New Intimacy

Would you ever be in an open relationship?

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Contributor: Secret Pleasure Secret Pleasure
I personally don't think i could be but curious what everyone else thinks.
When i say open for those that might need me to be more specfic I mean a relationship in which you are allowed to sleep with other people.
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
hell no
Secret Pleasure , K101 , All His , mlmac , Rossie , Ansley , Llewey , indiglo , Badass , BobbiJay , shySEXXaddict , slynch , ~LaUr3n~ , mpfm , Hallmar82 , Bignuf , dbm6907 , Howells , darthkitt3n , Lilith Bealove , fredacarl , married with children , Falsepast , Eliyahu , Zombirella , geliebt , garylangworthy420 , Ilovelingerie , unfulfilled , potstickers
30  (73%)
hell yes
Nora , Positwist , Screaming Violet
3  (7%)
depends on the person
padmeamidala , Airen Wolf , Incendiaire , Ghost , Djiffy , BBW Talks Toys , Caus , celibacysucks
8  (20%)
Total votes: 41
Poll is closed
03/08/2012
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Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by Secret Pleasure
I personally don't think i could be but curious what everyone else thinks.
When i say open for those that might need me to be more specfic I mean a relationship in which you are allowed to sleep with other people.
Absolutely hell no!
03/08/2012
Contributor: All His All His
never, im commited and want my partner to be committed, i love the hubby and he and i love being committed to only each other
03/08/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
It's not absolutely hell no, or yes nor dependent on the person...we're exclusively committed to each other but we're not opposed to fulfilling a few things on our "bucket list for sex".
03/08/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Secret Pleasure
I personally don't think i could be but curious what everyone else thinks.
When i say open for those that might need me to be more specfic I mean a relationship in which you are allowed to sleep with other people.
Your responses caused it to be hard for me to answer. I have been in an Open Relationship. It lasted several years (while I was finishing High School and going to college) then we closed the relationship, lived monogamous for a while and got married to each other.

I don't think I would want to do it now (married for years, kids, house etc) but I think one has to be very grown up about it and not have a jealous bone in your body to make an Open Relationship work. My Man admitted after we closed the relationship that he was jealous of every guy I went out with while we were Open... and it was his idea. But, I was very young when we started dating, I had little experience with boys and NO experience with sex. I'm glad we did it. I didn't want to wake up one day in my 30s and think, "What the fuck did I miss by only being with one man?" I got the stuff out of my system and My Man got to sow some more Wild Oats (he had sexual and dating experience before we got together as he's older than I am) It worked for us, but I made sure not to date ANYBODY he knew and to keep my escapades to myself. He made the mistake of telling me about a woman he was seeing with the inevitable, "You'd like her." and I was livid. I'd rather not know.

It's very hard not to be jealous. I think we did better than most, we stayed together, and neither of us wanted to end the relationship we had with each other at any time.

It's not for everybody, but some people may benefit from the experience.
03/08/2012
Contributor: Badass Badass
the only way i could see having an open relationship is if i were with a bi dude. i could only play with girls, and he could only play with boys.
03/08/2012
Contributor: Beck Beck
I say it depends on the relationship.
03/08/2012
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
At this point in my life I couldn't imagine being in a monogamous relationship. I am happy and I like being sexually adventurous with my partners and with playmates. I also like the dynamic that having another adult in our household brings. I feel more stable and just plain old happier this way. I don't mind the adult processing and I like the fact that there is actually LESS drama in our lives with our current lovestyle.

I am HORRIBLY jealous but I find that a simple change of focus and spending some time with the focus of my fear helps me to put the jealousy into it's place. I have an incredible support system as I work on getting myself healthy both emotionally and physically and you just can't put a price on that!

I LOVE watching my guys enjoy themselves in every aspect of their lives including sexually, it doesn't threaten me because I know they love me and whether they love someone else their love for me won't die simply because they love someone else....hell I know without a shred of doubt how much they love me won't change because I love them both fiercely. I dunno the idea of watching them gives me a different perspective on our own lovemaking...it's hard to explain.

For now I don't see a chance that I will suddenly decide that I want to be onogamous but then again ten years ago I was vehemently against the idea of polyamory...mostly because I believed love was a sum total type of option. I belived you couldn't love more than one person or celebrate the love of a loved one, now I know it is possible. I suppose anything is possible!
03/08/2012
Contributor: Incendiaire Incendiaire
It's not something I aspire to, but I wouldn't rule it out.
03/08/2012
Contributor: Nora Nora
So, I can be honest about it...I am in an open relationship with my bf of nearly 9 years. We spent most of the first 7 years in a monogamous relationship, but found things getting "stagnant". We started by looking for a third (a woman), but after almost 2 years of looking, decided that going "whole hog" would work better for the 2 of us.

We are always as safe as we can be with other partners and our own sex life (together) has improved immensely. To the point of finally being successful in attempting to get pregnant (something we have been working very hard on for a number of years)!

Also, being open doesn't equate to sleeping with every willing body that falls toward us either. We are extremely picky about "who" we meet with and even pickier with whom we get naked with!
03/08/2012
Contributor: TitsMcScandal TitsMcScandal
I'm in one now.
03/08/2012
Contributor: shySEXXaddict shySEXXaddict
Quote:
Originally posted by Secret Pleasure
I personally don't think i could be but curious what everyone else thinks.
When i say open for those that might need me to be more specfic I mean a relationship in which you are allowed to sleep with other people.
.im a jealous person by nature theres no way id be ok w that
03/09/2012
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Nope. I did it in the past, but it was only open on my side. I wouldn't do it again.
03/09/2012
Contributor: Djiffy Djiffy
Well, if it was a fairly new relationship and I didn't have deeper feelings for the person than "Hey, you're cute, let's get it on," then I'd be fine with it.

...As long as the person didn't bring an STD back with them from their outside sexual exploits.
03/09/2012
Contributor: Hallmar82 Hallmar82
An open relationship may just be a pretense for one person to justify their desire for someone else so it will be inherently unbalanced and unequal. Only in rare cases would both partners contribute to the open relationship equally (that is, sleep with other people) and find it fulfilling. Even then, I've never heard of an open relationship lasting until old age. I'm not saying polygamy or polyandry doesn't work, it has for thousands of years, but that's different than an "open" relationship.
03/09/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Secret Pleasure
I personally don't think i could be but curious what everyone else thinks.
When i say open for those that might need me to be more specfic I mean a relationship in which you are allowed to sleep with other people.
We have a very OPEN relationship in that we TALK...TALK ONLY, with a close group of friends, about ANY TOPIC (sex included) and it is "no holds barred" discussion. We are all cool with that. However, we are ALL happily married and monogamous. No one ever breeches the idea of NOT being and I think every one of us would have problems with that concept. As for me, what is MINE is MINE. He better feel the same way too. I have a ONE STRIKE YOUR OUT rule.

On the other hand...we have an "everything goes" sex life...so HE should be happy, and not want to "stray" and HE is emotionally ten times more "fulfilling" for me then most guys I can imagine, so I have NO DESIRE to stray either. That is why 32 plus years later, we are STILL in love.
03/09/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Hallmar82
An open relationship may just be a pretense for one person to justify their desire for someone else so it will be inherently unbalanced and unequal. Only in rare cases would both partners contribute to the open relationship equally (that is, sleep ... more
We have known two couples that tried that "game". Both were divorced in under 2 years. Speaks volumes for FANTASY IDEAS and REAL LIFE not being the same thing.
03/09/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by shySEXXaddict
.im a jealous person by nature theres no way id be ok w that
Me too.
03/09/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
Nope. I did it in the past, but it was only open on my side. I wouldn't do it again.
Interesting statement. Only "open on your side"? Interesting that you would not do it again, either? What happened?
03/09/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Incendiaire
It's not something I aspire to, but I wouldn't rule it out.
I ruled it out the minute I was in a relationship. I think it runs counter to standard human nature and someone ends up "hurt", in all but the MOST rare situations.
03/09/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Your responses caused it to be hard for me to answer. I have been in an Open Relationship. It lasted several years (while I was finishing High School and going to college) then we closed the relationship, lived monogamous for a while and got married ... more
Thanks for your honesty.
03/09/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by All His
never, im commited and want my partner to be committed, i love the hubby and he and i love being committed to only each other
Well said.
03/09/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
It's not absolutely hell no, or yes nor dependent on the person...we're exclusively committed to each other but we're not opposed to fulfilling a few things on our "bucket list for sex".
Our "bucket list" for sex has "making it in low earth orbit", but it's still just with each other.
03/09/2012
Contributor: dbm6907 dbm6907
Never. I've always been the kind of person that gets extremely pissed when somebody steps into "my territory," so an open relationship is definately a no-go!
03/09/2012
Contributor: Positwist Positwist
I said "hell yes" because I've had a lot of success with my open relationships, but my real answer is "depends on the person."

I really like the idea of being able to love and be with someone without limiting them--why should I tell them that they have to stop being intimate with everyone else in the world just because we're intimate? I'd rather make my partner's world bigger, not smaller.

That said, I've also enjoyed monogamous relationships where our monogamy doesn't feel limiting. There's nothing wrong with monogamy, but I do really enjoy having the OPTION of having a different kind of relationship. I'm not a big of fan of monogamy as the default status of all couples.
03/09/2012
Contributor: Lilith Bealove Lilith Bealove
We kinda were at one point... Um, we had a three some and kind of "adopted" the girl into our relationship. Looking back on it I dealt with it, but hated it. I wouldn't include anyone else into our relationship again.
03/09/2012
Contributor: fredacarl fredacarl
Quote:
Originally posted by Secret Pleasure
I personally don't think i could be but curious what everyone else thinks.
When i say open for those that might need me to be more specfic I mean a relationship in which you are allowed to sleep with other people.
never
03/09/2012
Contributor: married with children married with children
not in this life time
03/11/2012
Contributor: Eliyahu Eliyahu
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
not in this life time
That's exactly what I was going to say!
03/11/2012
Contributor: Caus Caus
It depends on the person and whether you both have great communication. In those types of relationships, honesty is usually the biggest factor in if it's successful.
03/11/2012