The New Intimacy

Women: Are there ever times when you try to avoid penetration, and why?

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Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
I'm not sure what it is, but lately I've been leaning more toward wanting clit stimulation rather than penetration. When my husband and I have sex, I'm almost waiting for it to be over with because it's almost painful. It's never been this way except for when I had vaginismus (painful sex) after a rape several years ago. It's odd that this is happening again. Just the thought of penetration turns me off.

I'm not sure if it has anything at all to do with vaginismus, although it may, but I really just seem to want clit stimulation. Do other women feel like this sometimes?

Don't get me wrong, most of the time (99.9999999999%) of the time I LOVE being penetrated. I fantasize about it, I want it, I beg for it! I mean, I have an entire collection of glass dildos for crying out loud. So this is really weird for me.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Sometimes. Only now and then.
31
Never - I love the feeling of something inside of me.
7
Always. I prefer clit stimulation over anything.
4
I have vaginismus - painful sex.
2
Other.
2
Total votes: 46 (41 voters)
Poll is closed
09/16/2011
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Contributor: GingerAnn GingerAnn
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09/16/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
This has only happened to me on a few occasions, and always because I was sore, either from a small tear, or too vigorous activity the night before. I'll just tell my man that I'm sore and we'll do other stuff besides PIV. I'm really sorry you're dealing with this right now, it sure sounds unpleasant!
09/16/2011
Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
This has only happened to me on a few occasions, and always because I was sore, either from a small tear, or too vigorous activity the night before. I'll just tell my man that I'm sore and we'll do other stuff besides PIV. I'm ... more
It is! I feel so awful about it and I hate hate hate turning down my sweetie when it's love making time.
09/16/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
That sounds really frustrating! I hope you get better soon.

For me, I only try to avoid penetration if I've got a bladder infection or yeast infection. Luckily I haven't had many of either of those the last few years, but they were pretty common in my late teens/earliest twenties. I've never had pain from being penetrated.
09/16/2011
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
Sometimes I have pain, because we don't do much foreplay and I am just really sensitive around my cervix. Sometimes even lube won't help. Most times we still try to have vaginal but if it is too much for me to handle we stop and I get my guy off.
09/16/2011
Contributor: js250 js250
Sometimes I am either a bit sore from the previous night or just not quite ready, but generally I really enjoy the sensations of penetration as well. Are you subconciously still working through some trauma from your rape? Did something happen or did you try a different position that was fairly uncomfortable? Maybe you can talk to him and just work your way back up to penetration enjoyment slowly and in a way that calms your fears and relieves any mental pressure you may feel. The longer it gets pushed to the side, the harder it is to deal with later. Wish you the best!!!
09/16/2011
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
I'm not sure what it is, but lately I've been leaning more toward wanting clit stimulation rather than penetration. When my husband and I have sex, I'm almost waiting for it to be over with because it's almost painful. It's never ... more
Sorry to hear of your terrible experience. Have a doctor check this out...may be a real, treatable issue.

In my case, I never "don't" want penetration, but I will say NO to it, if I have a GYN visit the next day. I will give him an extra nice BJ to keep him happy instead.

He never complains...
09/16/2011
Contributor: Angelica Angelica
Sometimes, I used to have vaginismus in results from a rape so if Im not all there emotionally, I cant do penetration. Or if i have a uti or something. Right now im having an aversion to it because my "partner" (long story...) wont do anything else with me and Im sick of it.
09/16/2011
Contributor: WhoopieDoo WhoopieDoo
I beg for penetration so I can combo it up with clit stimulation.
09/16/2011
Contributor: Liz2 Liz2
PIV sex is occasionally painful for me, at times it was from previous rough play either with my partner or solo with dils. Infections were also a reason for me to avoid PIV sex.

I would suggest, when you feel this way, to kinda warm up solo with a clit vibe and then breakout one of your favorite dils. All the best...
09/16/2011
Contributor: Eva Schwaltz Eva Schwaltz
I like penetration most of the time, but sometimes I just want to use something very slender.
09/16/2011
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
Every so often I'll want just clit stimulation. Some of that is cause I'm too lazy to reach into the cabinet to grab a dildo.
But this only happens with solo fun - with a partner I always want penetration!
09/17/2011
Contributor: JessCee JessCee
I have never tried to avoid penetration.
09/17/2011
Contributor: Vegan Silk Vegan Silk
Penetration can be painful if I've had too much of too close together. Especially if I have been using condoms. but I don't think that is the same as vaginismus. Just overworked.
09/17/2011
Contributor: Sunshineamine Sunshineamine
I usually like penetration but my man is HUGE so he has to be careful to not cause me any pain. We always have to have foreplay first otherwise it would be painful. Sometimes I prefer clit stimulation only and if that it the case then we wait until we are both ready to go and I have him almost there and only have sex for a minute or so and finish it up that way. Sometimes I prefer clit stimulation only in a solo session too.
09/17/2011
Contributor: Love Perpetua Love Perpetua
I had PTSD & so for a long time I avoided penetration because it was really painful and I didn't like it. Now I enjoy it & usually want it. There are times when I will avoid it, usually if I have a UTI, or the first 2 days of my period.
09/18/2011
Contributor: cheetahpita cheetahpita
if I had the choice, I'd take oral/clit stimulation over penetration any day (the penetration really doesn't do much for me), but I'm not sure I've ever gone out of my way to avoid it... I guess it's just assumed that it'll happen.
09/18/2011
Contributor: Stinkytofu10 Stinkytofu10
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
I'm not sure what it is, but lately I've been leaning more toward wanting clit stimulation rather than penetration. When my husband and I have sex, I'm almost waiting for it to be over with because it's almost painful. It's never ... more
Sometimes. Only now and then.
09/16/2012
Contributor: SavingMyself SavingMyself
Sometimes I will, but typically it's because my vagina is sore or something like that.
09/16/2012