Vanilla and BDSM

Contributor: Mati Mati
I'm keen to BDSM and my partner is vanilla, how can we work this out?
06/14/2021
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Contributor: Leil@ Leil@
Quote:
Originally posted by Mati
I'm keen to BDSM and my partner is vanilla, how can we work this out?
I guess we all had experiences when the pain was pleasurable. Even vanilla people can participate in a play that involves some kind of pain. The main thing here is to start with small and not rush. If both partners can find pleasure in a blindfolded role play, it is already a good start.

Check out our guide to BDSM. It will help you prepare for a conversation with your partner and turn your fantasies into reality.
06/15/2021
Contributor: abee abee
I suppose it depends on how kinky you are, and how vanilla your partner is. I would start with lowkey things (a blindfold, as Leil@ suggested, or a light wrist tie, or mild impact play like a couple spanks in doggy-style, etc). Let them know how much you like it. Most people like it when their partner is obviously enjoying something, and that can become a turn-on for them even if they aren't into the kink themselves.
If they are into dirty talk of any kind, sharing some explicit (but not TOO hard-core) fantasies of what you'd like them to do to you, and how aroused you are by it, might get the brain gears turning.

Discuss with them that this is a really fulfilling thing for you sexually and that you want them to be a part of making you feel good like that, but also listen to their position. In cases where the vanilla partner is just not very knowledgeable with kink yet, or isn't super kinky themselves but could be open to persuasion when it comes to their partner's pleasure, it's often easier to pull them in with a gradual introduction. If your vanilla partner has hard limits against certain kinks, though, then that needs to be respected and you should figure out a way to satisfy yourself without forcing them past their own boundaries. (Which is the same in any kinky relationship, of course.)

Slow and steady wins the race!
06/15/2023
Contributor: Good N Plenty Good N Plenty
Quote:
Originally posted by Mati
I'm keen to BDSM and my partner is vanilla, how can we work this out?
I hate to say this but partner may have had something hurtful happen in their life that the mind is tying up with and causing fear. Talk it out. Also, try something that's familiar with your usual routine but more exciting.
06/17/2023