The New Intimacy

The Bias Against Guys with Toys

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Contributor: The Awesome Penguin The Awesome Penguin
I started a similar, more limited thread in the Sex Toy Information forum, but thought that this was a good place to get into a more in depth discussion.

From personal experience, I feel that when a male owns a sex toy (e.g. some type of masturbator) they usually keep the fact hidden from even there closest friends. Why is it that males feel that the use of such a toy is seen as degrading or a sign of "weakness." Many of such toys automatically have a negative, somewhat biased association that come along with them. While females do not go out and spread the word about their new favorite vibrator to the whole world, I feel that the attitude held by the general public is completely different when it concerns females who own toys. While I can only speak on behalf of my own personal experience, I feel that males and females both enjoy the use of sex toys equally.

On the flip-side, males typically enjoy talking about sex (or even the occasional masturbation joke) in general. Why is it that the use of some kind of aid is not discussed or widely accepted?

This post was more of just a way to put my thoughts down than anything else, but I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts!
12/26/2010
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Contributor: ToyGeek ToyGeek
I think it's largely subjective. Maybe it's just that females with sex toys get thought of as sluts and/or too ugly to catch a man, while a man with a toy is a pervert. While all are negative and not sex positive, only the last label is viewed as dangerous by those doing the labeling.
12/26/2010
Contributor: Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
I (Michele) can't even begin to fathom why the double standards exist, and I'm sure not everyone has the same reason for thinking whatever they do. But something a friend said to Alan a year or so ago gave me a little insight on how some guys think. This friend, once he figured out that our reviewing toys included Alan testing out Fleshlights and such, said something on the lines of; "Why would you want to screw a rubber tube when you've got a perfectly good piece of ass right next to you?" This leads me to believe that some people think sex toys are something a guy turns to in desperation if he can't get the 'real thing.' It's sad that they think of it that way, really.
12/26/2010
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
I personally wish more guys did like and have toys for themselves.
It's a shame some have such a low impression on boys toys.
12/27/2010
Contributor: The Awesome Penguin The Awesome Penguin
Good comments! Thanks for your input.

I really wish guys (and females too!) would get rid of this preconceived notion and have more fun!
12/27/2010
Contributor: DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
I cannot speak for other countries, but in the United States there is a cultural taboo of speaking about sex; women are expected to be nymphomaniac virgins, whereas men are expected to be loyal players.

Men who have toys are perceived to be unable to get a lover, and women with sex toys are thought of as being insatiable whores.

There is a stigma about SEX, not about TOYS.
12/27/2010
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
Quote:
Originally posted by DeliciousSurprise
I cannot speak for other countries, but in the United States there is a cultural taboo of speaking about sex; women are expected to be nymphomaniac virgins, whereas men are expected to be loyal players.

Men who have toys are perceived to be ... more
I have heard that before about Americans.
Whereas, over here we are more open about sex. Although unlike a certain other country (who I won't name in case I offend anyone), the typical Aussie doesn't go around sleeping with anything that walks.
But most of us don't have that fear of talking about it. Everyone (or pretty much everyone) enjoys sex - we all know it. So there's no harm in talking about it.
I guess that's another reason why I have no shame with sharing the joy of openning my packages with my mum and bro. They are always curious to see what I get. I don't have any issues with them knowing.
When I use them is another story....lol.
I need my own place so I can enjoy some of those great looking noisy ones...hehehe.
12/27/2010
Contributor: The Awesome Penguin The Awesome Penguin
Quote:
Originally posted by DeliciousSurprise
I cannot speak for other countries, but in the United States there is a cultural taboo of speaking about sex; women are expected to be nymphomaniac virgins, whereas men are expected to be loyal players.

Men who have toys are perceived to be ... more
That's an interesting, and true point. Being from the US myself, I agree that much of the culture agrees with what you say to a certain degree. I do not personally believe most people view woman who use a sex toy as an "insatiable whore," but I do agree that there are distinctively different views on sex itself from males to females.

That being said, I am interested to hear how other countries view the use of male sex toys.
12/27/2010
Contributor: sbon sbon
While I would not say it is generally "acceptable" for women to own toys because there is a good deal of stigma surrounding the idea, I think that more people are comfortable with the idea of female sex toys because it is much more widely accepted for women to have trouble orgasming during sex. So, people tend to think that women are more likely to "need" toys than men.

I personally think the stigma for both men and women is pretty silly. People like toys because they feel different and are fun to use and experiment with. They're not a substitute for a partner like many people believe. They're good alone or as an addition to partner sex.
12/27/2010
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Since masturbation is often seen as a last resort if you can't have sex with a girl I'd suspect that plays in somewhere. That and the "pervert" label.
12/28/2010
Contributor: csweatc csweatc
Jeez, we haven't even brought up anal toys and men and the can of worms that opens up. I've never discussed my use of them with any of my male friends, and it's too bad really, because I think people would be happier in general if they learned about seeking pleasure through their pspots. So you have the pervert label if you are into masturbators, and you are gay if you have discovered your male G spot. At least we are beyond getting arrested or worse for using these things. The nice thing is that with the internet people can come together to discuss their interests and learn from one another, and the longer that happens the weaker these mental barriers become. I for one learned about prostate play over the internet, and I suspect that this has been the case for a good number of curious guys out there.
12/28/2010
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by csweatc
Jeez, we haven't even brought up anal toys and men and the can of worms that opens up. I've never discussed my use of them with any of my male friends, and it's too bad really, because I think people would be happier in general if they ... more
You forgot to chain the two together - if a guy uses toys anally he's a perverted gay, and you'd better lock up your little boys... Sheesh.
12/29/2010
Contributor: hornypoet69 hornypoet69
I use anal toys, and am pretty open about it. But then I'm an out gay man, so it's very different for me.
12/29/2010
Contributor: Beaners Beaners
My boyfriend is totally open about his toys. He had more toys than I did when we first met! I walked into his room the first time I was ever over at his place, looked on his dresser and saw: A Mistress dildo, a thin pink vibrator, a bullet to go in the Mistress, a butt plug, the Cyberglass four-way G, and a bottle of Maximus. He kept the wrist cuffs and Mia-Z harness in the closet. And these weren't only things he'd used on girls, he used them regularly on himself. He's really open about his use of toys, and that's totally fine by me. I guess our openness has made me forget that not everyone else is like that.
01/10/2011