This post is about both sexual beauty and "beauty" in general.

I never thought that I was sexy or desirable in any way until recently.

I remember one of my teachers calling me a "very slender oriental girl". I'm not really that skinny--I just have a solid build and fast metabolism thanks to genetics. I know from looking at my mom and aunts that around 40 my metabolism will permanently move to the Bahamas without me. I'll get adorably pudgy and start shaping up for the "cutest Asian grandmother" award. I'll never have very large breasts. I'm a 36A and even my mother, after bearing two children, has never gone beyond a barely-B. I remember that after my best friend, I was the first to get breasts in 3rd grade, but they never got much bigger after that.

I have what is called a "monolid"--I have no eyelid crease. When I was sixteen, my parents took me to a cosmetic surgeon to have my face evaluated for a procedure that would scar my eyelid in such a way that it would form a crease, opening up my eyes more and turning my eyelashes outward to attain that particular standard of beauty. He crossed his legs and looked at my face with such scrutiny that I was afraid that my entire face would burn off in its apparent lack of appeal. A few minutes later, he announced that I would need to get a nose job first, and then he would have to make slits in the inner corners of my eyes, then finally he would do the eyelid creases.

I stormed out of there.

Things got better, gradually. I stopped caring about what other people thought about me and whether they thought I was attractive. It was different from feeling sexy, but I wouldn't let my lack of sexual appeal get me down. Then I met my current boyfriend. I was his first non-white girlfriend, but he never treated me like a foreigner or a minority. Instead he constantly told me how attractive he found me and how he couldn't believe that someone like him had a hot Asian girlfriend (well... ok, I took the "Asian" part in stride).

Like me, my boyfriend isn't the stereotypical "hot white male". He's got a bit of a tummee on him and often makes fun of himself for being so (literally) white. He's a fuzzy dude and he gets back pains from working at a tiny desk all day, but I find him incredibly sexy. If you'd told me two years ago that I'd be happily involved with a tall, pall, slightly pear-shaped man ten years my senior, I would've cocked an eyebrow and said "Huh, really?" But there's nothing on him that I would change unless he wanted to change it as well. He worries more about his weight than I do. He worries about crushing me when we're having sex. He doesn't like how he completely engulfs my body when we cuddle. But, just as he finds my flat-chested, dynamically-lacking body attractive and sexy, I find his body wonderfully appealing. It just fits.

And the sex we have is pretty fucking awesome.

"it's a mixture of ability, chemistry, and attractiveness. .."

I'd say bingo.

As for my wife and I...four kids and over 20 years on, I'd say the ebb and flow of things means it's more like having a number of lovers over the year...from skinny with pert breasts, to pregnant (repeat 4X) and now more mature, and full and rounded. Looked at that way (which I heartily do), I find I'm incredibly lucky! And only one set of in-laws to meet...

Yes definitely.

My partner who I love dearly and have been with for 6+ years may not be the most attractive woman that I've ever met...but her personality, the way we mix together, etc. means so much more for me.

Even people I'm fleetingly attracted to or crushes tend to have at least somewhat of a mix of these things, I rarely find myself just basing attraction on physical beauty.

Very well stated and I totally agree. It's funny that I never looked at it that way before. I guess it's mostly because my husband has pretty much stayed the same over the years and I'm the one who's been pregnant along with the weight fluctuations. Thanks for giving me my giggle for the day though! =)