Dear christyfuntime89!
I think the only way to get rid of dating phobia is to start dating. Yes, sometimes it can be a disaster. Everyone has awful dates. So what? What terrible can happen if you have a bad date? At least you will have a story to recall or to share with your friends.

What if the date goes perfectly, and you will have so pleasant time spent with an interesting, nice person?
I figured out that failures actually are the most valuable teachers, and most of the fears are just in our heads.

And I recently have read an article about woman's sexual peak not necessarily limited to the early 30s but can come at any time. Just stay positive and in love with yourself.
There is a lot of time to meet a worthy partner and to have sex! less

Hi Leil@,
Thanks for the encouraging words. Unfortunately, good dates for me are extremely rare. When they are good, there's always a sinister, ulterior motive. I just don't understand why I can't attract decent guys.

I still appreciate the response. less

Dear Christy, please don't put it like that. That phrase - "I can't attract decent guys" - is extremely unsettling for me. I firmly believe it's untrue.

That's not something you can "fail" at - we are all in this game, and there are no winning or losing tactics. You play in your own way, and the more time passes, the closer you come to finding your best game partner.

You owe it to yourself to not stop trying and dating and looking for someone you would trust deeply enough to share something as intimate with them. less

Everyone's circumstance is different - but here's how it worked for my wife and I. 20s (pre kids) - we were the typical honeymoon - romantic lovers. (BTW - these are my wife's age ranges - I'm a decade older)

After the kids came along (from late 20s to about 45) you are constantly in sneak in some sex when you can mode. This was exacerbated by the fact that I traveled about 50% of the time.

At about 45 my wife decided that she wanted to enjoy & explore sex as more playtime than romantic interludes. The last 10 years have been great!

So if you asked me I'd say women peak in the 40s. For women 'peaking' is all about attitude - when you decide to open and adventurous you will thrive.

For men there is a strong biological component. Men's capacity for sex diminishes (substantially) with age. Getting, keeping and reconstituting erections turns out to be a bigger challenge that any young man can ever imagine. Viagra helps - but it has limitations and effectiveness diminishes over time. For women some experience dryness - but you just slap on some lube and you're ready to go!

Take GingerAnn's advice and get out there and meet new people - times a wasting! less

Thank you for sharing your experiences.

Yeah, I'm reminded everyday time's a wasting. But where does one even meet new people these days, you know?

I mean, I did the whole Internet dating thing and it just was the most awful experience. Then I tried meeting people on my own and/or with the help of others and it was just as bad.


Where are all the good, decent people at? less

Sorry I can't be more of a help. After 30+ years of monogamy I don't know anything about finding dates. However...

I did not marry until I was 35 - prior to that I was what I called a 'serial monogamist'. That is, I rarely 'played the field' - only after a relationship ended and I was looking for the next.

In the 70s it was bars and discos. Although I met plenty of very nice people that way - the 80s rolled around and the new spots were health and sports clubs. Again I met plenty of great people - some of whom are still good friends. Luckily AIDS was not an issue at that time - so there was plenty of sex to be had.

In the end may last two relationships where both 'fix-ups' - blind dates arranged by friends - obviously the second of these fix-ups has been by my side for 30 years.

The only advice I can offer is to go places where you will have things in common with the other people there - church, sports clubs (running, cycling, etc), volunteer opportunities (animal shelters, hospitals, etc).

The bottom line is that you have to invest your time and treasure - it's not going to come knocking at your door.

Best of luck to you - I truly hope that you find a satisfying relationship soon! less

Your decent guy is out there, rushing to you as fast as he can. I was never good at dating, and all of the guys that surrounded me I wouldn't call "decent" if to use your terminology.

When my fiance contacted me for the first time, I was sure he's a creep - he started out with the classiest, the cheesiest "I think I've seen you somewhere" trope. Yet something felt right and I decided to give him a chance. He was my first - I had no partners until I was 22, so I think I can somewhat relate a little to your experience. Everything happened so quickly and felt so right that I never looked back. I really believe your time is yet to come - soon less

Hello community!

I'm not sure of the age range on this forum, but in people's experiences
, have you found that it's true about women reaching their sexual peak around 30? I was recently told this information from a friend and I'm thinking that's why I'm so dang frustrated.

For those who've read my previous posts, you know I'm almost 30 (will be in August), single and have never been in a relationship or had sex with anyone other than my toy collection. This is all being said I'm starting to go a little nuts. I can't stop thinking about how badly I need a p in my v...!!!!! If only dating wasn't such a nightmare. less

I’m so sorry. If I could find another like my husband for you, I would. Or at least be there for support so you’re not lonely. I wish I could do more to help. My husband is convinced that there is someone out there for everyone. My hope is that this time in your life is just practice to get ready for that person so you can impress him in bed when the big moment comes!! I met my husband at a summer job that I took just to fill the time when I wasn’t in school. I was complaining about being bored and my boss said her brother was also bored and complaining about it. She had no idea we would go to a movie and actually like each other!! Sometimes it just sneaks up on you when you least expect it!!

I would be happy to keep in touch if you need someone to share with, vent to or just chat sometime. If that would help. less