I would like to get opinions since I have no one to talk to about this. I’m 29 years old and have suffered from anxiety and depression most of my life. I met someone amazing she is 35 and we have been together for 5 years and the last 2-3 years we barely have any sex. She also suffers from depression and takes medication that she says affects her sex drive and I believe her since I have been on medications in the past that’s affected mine. The last 2 years we have had full blown sex 8 times. I love her so much and crave her so much! It’s hard laying next to a beautiful woman every night in the same bed and not have these strong sexual urges. If I ask her for oral most of the time she agrees but that isn’t enough for me and I feel bad asking for it so often so i don’t. I feel deprived of sex. We have spoke about trying to have sex more often and agree it should happen but then it doesn’t I love her so much and can’t picture leavening her I also can’t even imagine my life without her. What should I do? Thank you
Sexless relationship ?
03/23/2021
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In my experience long term relationships tend towards sexlessness in general. It takes work, communication and assertiveness to prioritize that sliver of life that can fill us with joy, intimacy and relaxation. While the rest of life's responsibilities like to take the drivers seat, it's your job to reclaim it.
Originally posted by
michael scofield
I would like to get opinions since I have no one to talk to about this. I’m 29 years old and have suffered from anxiety and depression most of my life. I met someone amazing she is 35 and we have been together for 5 years and the last 2-3 years we
...
more
I would like to get opinions since I have no one to talk to about this. I’m 29 years old and have suffered from anxiety and depression most of my life. I met someone amazing she is 35 and we have been together for 5 years and the last 2-3 years we barely have any sex. She also suffers from depression and takes medication that she says affects her sex drive and I believe her since I have been on medications in the past that’s affected mine. The last 2 years we have had full blown sex 8 times. I love her so much and crave her so much! It’s hard laying next to a beautiful woman every night in the same bed and not have these strong sexual urges. If I ask her for oral most of the time she agrees but that isn’t enough for me and I feel bad asking for it so often so i don’t. I feel deprived of sex. We have spoke about trying to have sex more often and agree it should happen but then it doesn’t I love her so much and can’t picture leavening her I also can’t even imagine my life without her. What should I do? Thank you
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It is awkward! Like first date/kiss jitters- putting yourself out there; Expressing your feelings. But man up.
I've found that in relationships if I feel something is off or not harmonized, the feeling is usually mutual in some manifestation.
Be assertive and confident in creating sex and romance in your relationship. Do not feel guilty like you're some degenerate pervert. You care about this women and you are doing the work to maintain a healthy fulfilling relationship. Embrace the weird feelings that this task comes with. Because you will be doing this a hundred more times.
In my relationship it has becomes part of my role to re-prioritize our intimacy. And it is rewarding to set things back on track and be lovers again. I'm responding to your post because I will be doing this again today. Amidst all of life's circumstances and stresses we have been very busy and exhausted for the last couple weeks. And I'm feeling something like you. Time for some intimacy.
Methods I employ:
1)Discuss and pick a day and put it on the calendar within the next week. Or once a week for a month. It's kind of clinical sounding but it is exciting as the day approaches (it may make you both horny in advance).. And it doesn't have to be turbo romantic. Just strip and crawl in bed together and make sex happen, and the loving feelings follow right along.
2) Mostly though I'm just assertive and spontaneous, and try to be as honest and transparent as I can be because its sexy and true.
I may tell her that she is so beautiful that I'm going to ravish her right now. Which she is generally surprised/ not surprised. Or I tell her what I'm feeling and let her know that she has a date in bed this afternoon or evening with me.
One last thought, be confident and in control, you have to push (for sex, today even!), but do not get upset at her coolness, unwillingness, or lack of enthusiasm. If she needs some time, put it on the calendar!
Best of luck!
03/26/2021
In my personal experience I have had to introduce additional stimulation suck as movies and toys. But the movies have to be a category he is stimulated by.
Instead of asking for oral and her to join you with Mutual Masturbation. You can lay in bed and watch the movie amd get off together or sit back and watch each other.
I have a similar situation, my wife has endometriosis and over the years her major source of stimulation has had to be retrained to external stimulation because of the pain is so intense with internal stimulation. But when I do get the chance to get it in I try really hard to enjoy it.
Give the MM a try it might help.
Instead of asking for oral and her to join you with Mutual Masturbation. You can lay in bed and watch the movie amd get off together or sit back and watch each other.
I have a similar situation, my wife has endometriosis and over the years her major source of stimulation has had to be retrained to external stimulation because of the pain is so intense with internal stimulation. But when I do get the chance to get it in I try really hard to enjoy it.
Give the MM a try it might help.
04/02/2021
I'd encourage her to talk to her doctor about her lack of sex drive, and seeing if perhaps there is a different medication or dosage that would be effective for her without negatively affecting her sex drive so much. The other two replies here give some great advice, but as someone who has been on medication that killed my sex drive, speaking from my own experience, I can say that if her sex drive is being chemically suppressed by medication, other tactics are unlikely to work very well as long as that is the case for her. Of course, you have to balance her loss of sex drive with her level of functionality in every day life. You don't want her to have a resurgence of her depression, but odds are there are other medications she could try. Not every antidepressant kills the sex drive of every person, so it might just be a matter of her working with her doctor to find the right drug or combination of drugs.
That said, it's also true that keeping that "sexual spark" in a long-term relationship takes conscious effort from both parties, and having frank and honest conversations and being willing to experiment and try new things is ALWAYS a good thing for a relationship, but I suspect that you'll need to address the medication issue before you're likely to have much success with other methods.
That said, it's also true that keeping that "sexual spark" in a long-term relationship takes conscious effort from both parties, and having frank and honest conversations and being willing to experiment and try new things is ALWAYS a good thing for a relationship, but I suspect that you'll need to address the medication issue before you're likely to have much success with other methods.
04/04/2021
Quote:
Do you already have toys or props that are part of y'all's "routine"? If not I would definitely sit down with her and talk to her about introducing toys of different kinds that way maybe you can be intimate without feeling like either of you are obligated. I know how exhausting it is having to put so much focus on something like pleasing your partner. Some days you aren't just up for it and that's okay. But for me I found that toys help because it's less work on you and you can find other ways to focus on your partner that dont require so much effort.
Originally posted by
michael scofield
I would like to get opinions since I have no one to talk to about this. I’m 29 years old and have suffered from anxiety and depression most of my life. I met someone amazing she is 35 and we have been together for 5 years and the last 2-3 years we
...
more
I would like to get opinions since I have no one to talk to about this. I’m 29 years old and have suffered from anxiety and depression most of my life. I met someone amazing she is 35 and we have been together for 5 years and the last 2-3 years we barely have any sex. She also suffers from depression and takes medication that she says affects her sex drive and I believe her since I have been on medications in the past that’s affected mine. The last 2 years we have had full blown sex 8 times. I love her so much and crave her so much! It’s hard laying next to a beautiful woman every night in the same bed and not have these strong sexual urges. If I ask her for oral most of the time she agrees but that isn’t enough for me and I feel bad asking for it so often so i don’t. I feel deprived of sex. We have spoke about trying to have sex more often and agree it should happen but then it doesn’t I love her so much and can’t picture leavening her I also can’t even imagine my life without her. What should I do? Thank you
less
04/15/2021
I agree with @BitchyWitch here. Sex toys is a great option to spice up a couple's sexual relationship.
Introducing them into your life may be challenging because we all have different sexual needs. To make it easier, try to have an open talk with your partner and choose something together.
Experimenting with a variety of products will enable you to find the perfect toys for her.
Also, here is the EdenForum Discussions’ Summary on sex toys in relationships that might be useful to you.
Introducing them into your life may be challenging because we all have different sexual needs. To make it easier, try to have an open talk with your partner and choose something together.
Experimenting with a variety of products will enable you to find the perfect toys for her.
Also, here is the EdenForum Discussions’ Summary on sex toys in relationships that might be useful to you.
05/19/2021
Total posts: 6
Unique posters: 6