The New Intimacy

I need some sex advice

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Contributor: Iggins09 Iggins09
Hello everyone. Here's the jist of my question: I work first-shift, hubby works second-shift. That in and of itself does not allow for much intimacy during the week. We have a 17 month old together. My husband and I try to sneak in after shower sex while our son is upstairs with his grandmother (we're quiet of course) on the weekends. My problem is that I haven't been getting much out of it. His penis either feels too loose in my vagina or I'm just not feeling it. Like it feels good but it's just not doing it. I've never orgasmed from sex and I told my husband that the last time we had sex, it just didn't do anything for me. I told him that he would hit the spot where it felt really good and then after a few seconds, the good feeling would go away. His penis still feels good in my vagina but it's not really getting me going. Our favorite is doggy. Even missionary that night didn't do anything for me. We started out with that and he's starting to try suggestions I've made like bending me over the bed and playing with my pussy before we have any penetration. We usually have quick sex because of our son and we don't know how long we'll have to have the long drawn out sex and take our time.

I don't know if there's any products that anyone can suggest. I always feel the most pleasure where my pussy is throbbing right before and as my husband is coming. He doesn't last very long I'm afraid and I'm the kind of girl that needs really rough sex to even feel remotely close to orgasm. I get that feeling when he comes and I've tried a girth enhancer and I had him take it off because it was actually limiting what I could feel. He doesn't do it as hard as I like but he's been trying. He's a really sweet guy who has never had sex before me and has never watched porn and no longer masturbates since we've been together. Weird I know.

Does anyone have anything to suggest? I like the idea of DP and he's already put his foot down for a 2 guy threesome so I'm looking for toy ideas in that area. I don't understand the loose feeling sensation in my vagina as we never have sex. He is my only partner. I've been feeling crazy in the mood since Saturday when we last had sex because I haven't gotten off. It's been that, "I know I need to do it, but I would rather sleep" kind of thing. He's always joking with me that I never want to do anything with him. I just wonder if I don't want to because I don't get anything out of it and it's not fun for me :/.

Any advice (please no bashing) is appreciated . Thanks!
01/23/2013
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Contributor: novanilla novanilla
I think you need to ask your husband to rub your clit. You didn't mention that at all in your post. Clitoral stimulation is the easiest and best way for many (even most) women to have orgasms. If you do prefer internal stimulation then try having him use his fingers to rub the spot that you like inside (I assume by right spot you probably mean g-spot?). Also, suggest using a dildo together. This could help since he can't last very long, so maybe if you use the dildo beforehand, it could get you closer so you can orgasm with him inside of you since you'll have more time to get there.
01/24/2013
Contributor: Iggins09 Iggins09
Quote:
Originally posted by novanilla
I think you need to ask your husband to rub your clit. You didn't mention that at all in your post. Clitoral stimulation is the easiest and best way for many (even most) women to have orgasms. If you do prefer internal stimulation then try having ... more
Thank you for responding. The silly thing is, during sex, my clit is so sensitive that it tickles so it doesn't do anything for me in that area either. I did not mean G-Spot. Sometimes during sex he'll almost bottom out and it feels really good for me.
01/24/2013
Contributor: PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
It sounds like you two need to start taking time for each other. Even when you have children, it's still important to make sure that you two are connecting.

What has changed from before to now? Is it because you always rush now? You both need to commit to taking at least one night a week to forget about how tired you are, and show each other how you feel about each other.

Communication is hugely important when it comes to the way you're physically feeling. It sounds like he's trying to give you want you want, but something isn't quite working. Is your child in your room or in your bed? Is that way you try to have sex in the shower so often? If that's the case, and it's messing with your sex life, it might be time to try transitioning your toddler into their own bed or separate sleeping area. Your intimacy is important, just as important as anything else in your life. It need to be kept up on or things won't work out well.

In taking time with each other, if you're not getting what you need out of sex itself, maybe some foreplay would be helpful. Take time with each other, hands all over, kissing, touching, CONNECTING with your partner! You need that time together emotionally, and it sounds like physically as well.

If he's not lasting long enough, there are prolonging products that you could try, and also practicing him stopping right before he cums might be helpful as well. My husband does that sometimes. He'll stop thrusting or have me stop moving for a moment before he comes and the feeling will die down for a minute and will make him last longer. Using toys together before sex will also help to satisfy any feelings you might have that he's unable to help with.

As far as double penetration, try getting a realistic looking dildo and use that. Make sure you get one with a good base if you're planning on using it anally though.

There are lots of things that you can do to help out with your situation, but the HUGEST thing, is not using work and your child as an excuse to not be connected with each other. If you both want it badly enough, you'll find a way to get what you need.

If you ever need to talk, please don't hesitate to message me! I have three children and know how hard things can be at times!
01/24/2013
Contributor: Kitka Kitka
Quote:
Originally posted by PropertyOfPotter
It sounds like you two need to start taking time for each other. Even when you have children, it's still important to make sure that you two are connecting.

What has changed from before to now? Is it because you always rush now? You ... more
I just had to pop in and say fantastic advice!
01/24/2013
Contributor: Iggins09 Iggins09
Quote:
Originally posted by Kitka
I just had to pop in and say fantastic advice!
Yes she and the first poster had good advice .
01/24/2013