As a little bit of background information, I'm in a long-term, long-distance relationship with my boyfriend. He's wonderful, and I wouldn't exchange him for anything.
We've had one recurring issue, though. My boyfriend and I are living together for the summer in the UK before he starts university and I go back to college in the States. This is the longest we've ever been together. We're staying in his parents' house, and we have a room together. His parents, I'm pretty sure, know we're sexually active - I don't know how they wouldn't know. Even so, my boyfriend is absolutely paranoid about making noise. He's been like this when he's visited me at my dorm in college, too. There have been times when our sex has had to be completely silent - my father is a good ol' boy from the American South that would probably kill my boyfriend if he knew we were sleeping together, even though we're both adults.
But I feel like when my boyfriend is afraid of making any noise during sex, it makes it less enjoyable. I'm not talking about moaning my head off or anything. If I breathe too hard, if the bed creaks a little, if someone walks by the closed bedroom door - all action stops, and he look panicked. I struggled for a long time with guilt over my sexual feelings as I was a queer girl raised in a Christian, no-sex-before-marriage family, and every time I'm forced into absolute silence, I feel like I'm going back to that. Like if we get caught, it would be the end of the world. Orgasm for me is a lot of time completely out of the question as a result (and, when it is achieved, can only be brought about by my own hand), and I've found that lately I'm just hoping that he'll climax quickly so I can stop worrying about whether or not someone might hear us.
I just wish my boyfriend would relax. It would, in turn, help me to relax. The way things are, I feel like I'm not enjoying sex as much as I should be, and that's really frustrating. I love him and just want to make love to him without any sort of guilt attached to it.
Any advice? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
We've had one recurring issue, though. My boyfriend and I are living together for the summer in the UK before he starts university and I go back to college in the States. This is the longest we've ever been together. We're staying in his parents' house, and we have a room together. His parents, I'm pretty sure, know we're sexually active - I don't know how they wouldn't know. Even so, my boyfriend is absolutely paranoid about making noise. He's been like this when he's visited me at my dorm in college, too. There have been times when our sex has had to be completely silent - my father is a good ol' boy from the American South that would probably kill my boyfriend if he knew we were sleeping together, even though we're both adults.
But I feel like when my boyfriend is afraid of making any noise during sex, it makes it less enjoyable. I'm not talking about moaning my head off or anything. If I breathe too hard, if the bed creaks a little, if someone walks by the closed bedroom door - all action stops, and he look panicked. I struggled for a long time with guilt over my sexual feelings as I was a queer girl raised in a Christian, no-sex-before-marriage family, and every time I'm forced into absolute silence, I feel like I'm going back to that. Like if we get caught, it would be the end of the world. Orgasm for me is a lot of time completely out of the question as a result (and, when it is achieved, can only be brought about by my own hand), and I've found that lately I'm just hoping that he'll climax quickly so I can stop worrying about whether or not someone might hear us.
I just wish my boyfriend would relax. It would, in turn, help me to relax. The way things are, I feel like I'm not enjoying sex as much as I should be, and that's really frustrating. I love him and just want to make love to him without any sort of guilt attached to it.
Any advice? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
