The New Intimacy

Men: Keeping it up

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Contributor: sexymomma4 sexymomma4
I just wanted to ask this question from a wife's point of view. But need to get advice from a guy.

My husband has always been a quick ejaculator. Meaning he gets off very quickly as soon as he is inside me. The older he has gotten the worse it has become. In a matter of seconds we are done and we have to use our " back up" dildo to finish me off otherwise I'm left very unsatisfied.

We've been married 18 yrs and for 18 yrs its been this way. Actually he's told me he's been this way since he was a teen. So as you can imagine most of our love making is foreplay. Which I didn't mind to much for a while but its getting old, and would love to feel him fucking me instead of a dildo.

I've tried to encourage him to learn to stop when he feels that need to ejaculate but all in vain. I'm not sure if he just doesn't want to or what. He once went to a doctor (quack) about it hoping he could try a med to see if it would help and the doctor told him there was nothing he could do and needed to see a subspecialist for it. HUH ???? So my husband now hates doctors.

Anyways , are we doomed? Is there something "natural" we can try to see if it could help? I know he's been feeling a bit inadequate lately because I think I've hit my 'sexual peak' here at age 37. And he feels like he can't satisfy me because as soon as he is done , I'm starting right into an orgasm and I need for him to finish with the 'back up'.
06/16/2013
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Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I can sympathize - although not as bad as you describe, I had a tendency toward PM (premature ejaculation) - but worked hard to delay for my wife with varying levels of success. We also use dildos a lot - but in reverse.

I will bring my wife to orgasm with toys, then she will climb on top and ride my cowgirl style. This usually allows her to have a second or even third orgasm before I cum.

However since entering my late 50s - I have the opposite problem. I can no longer orgasm from oral sex - and rarely from vaginal sex. Right now, the only way I can orgasm is through a HJ or anal sex.

Hope some of this helps.
06/16/2013
Contributor: MrWill MrWill
Quote:
Originally posted by sexymomma4
I just wanted to ask this question from a wife's point of view. But need to get advice from a guy.

My husband has always been a quick ejaculator. Meaning he gets off very quickly as soon as he is inside me. The older he has gotten the ... more
There are things he can do to fix this.

They have condoms with lidocaine on the inside that dull the sensations. There are medications that can be prescribed "off-label" to help, and there are exercises he can do himself to last longer.


The first thing to realize is that while this is seen as a problem sexually, reproductively it is a good thing. I don't want to get into an evolutionary debate (as a matter of fact, I refuse to) but in the reproductive scheme of things, a man that could cum faster has more chances at both ensuring survival of the species and of not being attacked while mating.

As far as exercises he (you can help if you want, and it would actually be better that you do) can do, playing until right before the big O and then switching to something else can retrain his body to last longer. Some men can "change" this overnight, and some will take months or even years for a difference worth mentioning to appear.


Something you can do: As he gets close, firmly grasp his balls and pull gently downwards.

He can also do this, as well as squeezing his PC muscles (think kegels) at the moment of orgasm. If done properly (and with enough practice) he can have the feeling of orgasm without ejaculation. Ejaculation is what "causes" the loss of erection.

Do some research, and if you'd like you can shoot me a message and I can explain things better!
06/16/2013
Contributor: Fluke Fluke
He has premature ejaculation and it is a disorder and he cannot do anything about it. This isn't like a once in a while thing, he has an actual disorder. I'm sure he's tried everything he can think of to last longer, it just isn't something he can control. He can try kegels and deep breathing and other exercises, they are books that you can read about it. Maybe it will work, but he seems to have a bad case.

Your two options are:
-try desensitize sprays. I have never used these so I cannot comment on their effectiveness, based on reviews they seem to be pretty hit or miss
-paxil or any other anti-depressant. I haven't had PE but I have tried ssri anti-depressant pills like paxil and they make it much harder to cum. You do need a prescription for these and you'll need to see a psychiatrist not a general doctor

Just realize that he is 10 times more frustrated and embarrassed than you are. Every sitcom has jokes about how lame you are if you cum too soon, the world is extremely harsh and unfair towards people with PE.
06/16/2013