The New Intimacy

Is a "test drive" important to you?

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Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
While on the whole I find my grandmother to be of the "pleasant, yet kind of annoying" type, there are some ways in which I find her to be irrefutably awesome. For instance, she's very sex-positive compared to many members of her generation. And one of her sayings has always stuck out in my mind:

"You have to take a test drive before you buy the car." Said in reference to my mom (her daughter) sleeping with my dad before they got married.

When I heard that, I fell into hysterics and subsequently declared it to be one of the best sex-related sayings I've ever heard. However, I'm aware that many people instead prefer to "save themselves" for the actual marriage. So how many out there in the Eden community feels that "test driving" is important? How many go ahead and get "the car" first?

Voting's private, folks, but feel free to speak up and elaborate if you'd like to.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Always test drive - don't want to end up with a "lemon."
38
I'd test drive, but a bad test wouldn't ruin the deal.
15
I don't really care/never thought about it.
2
Maybe I'd test drive, but probably not.
No way! Save it for the wedding night!
It would depend on how the other person felt on the subject.
3
Who'd have sex with a car?! ("other" option - and for the record, Rin would totally fuck a car)
3
Total votes: 61 (51 voters)
Poll is closed
06/29/2012
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Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Wish I had with my ex-husband - I took him at his word that his libido was healthy. Nearly ten years of celibacy (and blamed for his lack of interest, not to mention being called a freak for having a libido).

Damn right I'm test driving from now on!

Rin, your grandma's awesome.
06/29/2012
Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
Wish I had with my ex-husband - I took him at his word that his libido was healthy. Nearly ten years of celibacy (and blamed for his lack of interest, not to mention being called a freak for having a libido).

Damn right I'm test driving ... more
She has also recently stated that a certain type of ice cream is "better than sex." God damn how funny is it to picture an eighty-something old lady saying that? I'm tempted to alert her to the fact that there's a vibrator called Better Than Chocolate. Don't know her opinion on sex toys, but she may get a kick out of it regardless.

But yeah, I remember you mentioning your ex before. Sounds like a complete asshole.
06/29/2012
Contributor: Noelle Noelle
Definately test drive, esp if the guy is older, and should know what he is doing by now. A younger guy might be fun to teach. I've been in a relationship where I tried to kid myself that it would get better, but after 7 yrs, IT STILL SUCKED! Ill never go that long without an orgasm AGAIN!!
06/29/2012
Contributor: Rossie Rossie
Aren't you lucky to have such a cool grandma?

Test drive is a must for me, I can't just depend on toys for the rest of my life, if I'm stuck with a lemon.
06/29/2012
Contributor: solitudinarian solitudinarian
With my kinks, I really need to test drive - I need to know that my partner is happy and able to do certain things to me, or I couldn't be fully satisfied. Plus I have a really high libido, so I need someone who matches me in that regard.

A bad test wouldn't ruin the deal if it was the first or second time, but after that I start to wonder.
06/29/2012
Contributor: Calla Calla
I would never marry someone without having sex with them. Good sex is very important to a healthy relationship for me. I also think the wedding night would probably be super disappointing if you had waited for years and built it up in your head. My boyfriend was a virgin when we met and it took a few months of practice before sex was really enjoyable for me. If that happened after getting married I probably would have been seriously questioning my decision.
06/29/2012
Contributor: Pinkshirt Pinkshirt
Must try before you buy
06/29/2012
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
While on the whole I find my grandmother to be of the "pleasant, yet kind of annoying" type, there are some ways in which I find her to be irrefutably awesome. For instance, she's very sex-positive compared to many members of her ... more
I don't know. I am not one to be promiscious and I actually think promiscuity is dangerous and bad, but there's a difference in sleeping with your true love and just screwin' ever person you can. I really don't think it will hurt a relationship any to have sex before marriage, especially if you're planning to marry the person anyways. I guess it's all a matter of personal preference. Nothin' wrong with savin' yourself for marriage, but I feel like in my relationship, it was better to do it beforehand. That might sound awful, but I think it took away a load of added, unecessary stress that I would've carried around 6 years had I chose to wait until we married.

Just depends on the people I suppose.
06/30/2012
Contributor: L&P3040 L&P3040
I don't see how you can't. But that's just me.
06/30/2012
Contributor: PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
I didn't wait until I was married, but having a 'test drive' wasn't important to me or my decision.
06/30/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
I love your grandma! It's one of my sayings, too. I've said it to my own daughters.

I agree completely. I bad test drive, or more likely a series of them would ruin it for me. I'm already married, but would not have married someone without "test driving" them. Neither would my husband. It was amazing the number of boys in their late teens and early 20s who had no idea how to give a woman oral sex when I was dating. I hope they learned, for their partners' sake.

I'm back in touch with an old FWB, who never went down town, but was a fun friend anyway. We always got along well, which made for a good friendship, which was in this relationship better than the sex. With his lack of skill, I would never have married him unless he learned, though. I surely haven't asked him if he does this now, but I am curious, at least for the women he may be dating (he's recently divorced.)
06/30/2012
Contributor: unfulfilled unfulfilled
Your grandma sounds great to be so sex positive.
06/30/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
That's awesome that someone from that generation had such a modern view on sex.

I would NEVER marry someone without having sex first. Sex is such an important part of a relationship. I'd hate to marry someone only to find out we weren't sexually compatible. That would be a doomed marriage for me. Sure, sex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship, but it is a big deal. If the sex is terrible I'd be miserable.
06/30/2012
Contributor: Scrawberry78 Scrawberry78
I am on the fence with this one. Sex is a big part but if you love someone it shouldnt matter.

When my sons father and I started out before we had our son sex was great. We didnt stay together because he is immature and wasnt ready for a kid. We ended up seeing each other about a year and a half after Caden was born and the sex was not as good as it used to be but I was willing to be with him because I loved him. He is still immature and didnt want anything to do with us.

We are not together.
06/30/2012
Contributor: Missmarc Missmarc
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
While on the whole I find my grandmother to be of the "pleasant, yet kind of annoying" type, there are some ways in which I find her to be irrefutably awesome. For instance, she's very sex-positive compared to many members of her ... more
Yes, test drive is very important.
06/30/2012
Contributor: Stinkytofu10 Stinkytofu10
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
While on the whole I find my grandmother to be of the "pleasant, yet kind of annoying" type, there are some ways in which I find her to be irrefutably awesome. For instance, she's very sex-positive compared to many members of her ... more
Always test drive - don't want to end up with a "lemon."
08/15/2012
Contributor: XxXxX XxXxX
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
While on the whole I find my grandmother to be of the "pleasant, yet kind of annoying" type, there are some ways in which I find her to be irrefutably awesome. For instance, she's very sex-positive compared to many members of her ... more
After spending almost all of my adult life married to an extremely abusive man, and then dating an asshat after than, lowering my self esteem even further. I would love to go for the test drive, just because I have needs too, but I am more concerned about the man. If he is my fantasy man, great to me AND better with my children and willing to be 100% involved with a family that is not his, yet. and he has a 2 inch penis.. hard. I would still be swept away. Even though my life is basically surrounded, every way possible by sex, my job, my obsession with Eden, my open mind that wants to eventually try everything, I know that I would rather have to please myself and be in a great realtionship with a great man, rather than have great sexy with another person who is basically a waste of air.
08/15/2012
Contributor: XxXxX XxXxX
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
While on the whole I find my grandmother to be of the "pleasant, yet kind of annoying" type, there are some ways in which I find her to be irrefutably awesome. For instance, she's very sex-positive compared to many members of her ... more
BTW, she seems like my grandmother. My Gram is literally the coolest person in the world, regardless of age. She is the only one that knows 100% what i do when I am camming. And as far as she is concerned, I am providing for my children and letting them think I am in the same sales field I have always been in, protecting their innocent minds. I am doing what a good mother would do. Make my childrens youth as happy and memorable as possible, like any mother should want for their kids, no matter what I do to provide it.
08/15/2012
Contributor: pizzahut pizzahut
Test drive is a must for me.
08/15/2012
Contributor: RatchetS RatchetS
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
While on the whole I find my grandmother to be of the "pleasant, yet kind of annoying" type, there are some ways in which I find her to be irrefutably awesome. For instance, she's very sex-positive compared to many members of her ... more
Oh man I wish my grandma was like that. She'll look at you funny if sex is mentioned in the room. "You really shouldn't be doing that" kind of look.

But I would defiantly drive before I buy.
08/15/2012
Contributor: RatchetS RatchetS
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
While on the whole I find my grandmother to be of the "pleasant, yet kind of annoying" type, there are some ways in which I find her to be irrefutably awesome. For instance, she's very sex-positive compared to many members of her ... more
Oh man I wish my grandma was like that. She'll look at you funny if sex is mentioned in the room. "You really shouldn't be doing that" kind of look.

But I would defiantly drive before I buy.
08/15/2012
Contributor: elli elli
I'm in favor of test driving, because I think that bad or no sex can really stress or break a relationship for me. Not to mention the fact that I'm probably kinkier than most people--zero interest in non-vanilla sex is also a deal breaker, personally.
08/16/2012
Contributor: AK Bunny AK Bunny
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
While on the whole I find my grandmother to be of the "pleasant, yet kind of annoying" type, there are some ways in which I find her to be irrefutably awesome. For instance, she's very sex-positive compared to many members of her ... more
Definitely test drive. I want to know everything I can about the relationship before marrying.
08/17/2012
Contributor: Trysexual Trysexual
Test drive is a must for dating, let alone marriage.
08/17/2012
Contributor: SecretKinksters SecretKinksters
Quote:
Originally posted by AK Bunny
Definitely test drive. I want to know everything I can about the relationship before marrying.
100% agree
08/17/2012
Contributor: digit88 digit88
Quote:
Originally posted by Rin (aka Nire)
While on the whole I find my grandmother to be of the "pleasant, yet kind of annoying" type, there are some ways in which I find her to be irrefutably awesome. For instance, she's very sex-positive compared to many members of her ... more
test drive
08/17/2012
Contributor: Khanner Khanner
"Saving yourself" for marriage is not something I understand or recommend.
08/17/2012