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Indifferent about sex.

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Contributor: Gr8pumpkin Gr8pumpkin
Ok, we have been together for 13 years, and it seems she is indifferent about sex now.
Whenever we do have sex, I always make sure she is satisfied, and most times she has 2 or more orgasms. The problem is I can't seem to get her interested very often. I. Am always ready for it, and will do whatever she wants to make her happy. She claims I am the best lover she has ever had, so what's up....ladies ?
06/08/2013
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Contributor: bratcat bratcat
Her sex drive may be less than yours, or it could just be that in this point in her life she's less interested in sex than before.
06/08/2013
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by Gr8pumpkin
Ok, we have been together for 13 years, and it seems she is indifferent about sex now.
Whenever we do have sex, I always make sure she is satisfied, and most times she has 2 or more orgasms. The problem is I can't seem to get her interested ... more
Maybe it's not that the actual sex isn't good, but something internal. Depression? Exhaustion, stress, hormonal changes. All of these things can cause huge changes in how someone's sex drive is. I've been there.

If she's telling you it isn't the sex, then maybe it isn't. Do you think she seems satisfied when you guys do have sex? Maybe it's just about getting her stresses put aside long enough to do it? That's happened to me before, especially when I feel overloaded with things like work, kids, etc. If you guys have kids, that's probably taking a big toll!

I hate to say this, but sometimes if a partner is being really persistent or getting to the point of demanding sex, that'll turn you off. I am not saying you have done this, but if she feels pressure, that could be it. Again, not trying to say you're pressuring her or anything like that. I just wanted to throw it out there incase it could be that she's just feeling like ya'll's sex drives aren't matching up and in turn, feeling pressured to match yours.

13 years? Wow. That's great! And it sounds like this was kind of sudden, so it sounds doubtful that it's the sex she's not happy with. That wouldn't happen suddenly, after being very satisfied for 13 years. It's truly probably something big going on with her or in her life like stress and other things that have just built up. Have you asked her? I would definitely do that. My partner asks me -- for instance, the other night -- if I was feeling less interested or less satisfied and I'm glad he asked because that was not at all how I was feeling. I was totally happy to have the 3 sessions this week, but had very little sleep one day and was really down in the dumps and not as openly horny as usual (with the sex talk and such), so he wondered if I was having some kind of problems with the sex, when instead, it was my being tired.

Do you do foreplay and stuff? Have you changed anything during sex? Sometimes, when something gets left out that the other person really wants/needs or that they've become used to, they can be a little less enthusiastic about it. Perhaps out of confusion as to why it isn't happening anymore, if you've lost interest or whatever. I don't know the details. Just stating as many possibilities I can.

What about meds? Hormone changes, like I said? Those affect a woman's sex drive pretty drastically.
06/09/2013
Contributor: Gr8pumpkin Gr8pumpkin
Quote:
Originally posted by K101
Maybe it's not that the actual sex isn't good, but something internal. Depression? Exhaustion, stress, hormonal changes. All of these things can cause huge changes in how someone's sex drive is. I've been there.

If she's ... more
She is always satisfied, I can not remember the last time we made love that she did not orgasm, I always make sure she gets to cum. I do not constantly hound her for sex, I am not pushy that way.
If I bring it up or make advances and she is not on board with it, she might simply say, oh I guess I thwarted your plans again, and leave it at that.
We do not have any children to take away her attention, second marriage for us both, neither had kids in prior marriage. I have not actually backed her into a corner and asked why she turns me down. We don't talk about sex, I do not think she even reads about it or looks at sexually themed things on line. We usually do have adequate foreplay, and are always holding hands, touching each other and stuff, it is not like the only time we touch is because I want sex, I think we are generally affectionate to each other.
There have been no med changes for her lately, so I can rule that out, and she takes hormones for post menopause symptoms, has for quite a while. This problem is not real new either, it has been going on for a while, I just am now beginning to get fed up with it.
06/09/2013
Contributor: Fluke Fluke
I was just about to ask how old she is, but then I read menopause. That's gonna be the issue. I have very little knowledge of menopause but I assume that it definitely reduces sex drive and hormone production and does so gradually. There's nothing you can do physically, all you can do is be supporting, understanding and willing to adapt to this change.

It's important not to get fed up with her because she can't control it. You can get fed up with the situation all you want or blame father time who is a sonuvabitch.

As I see it you need to really understand what is going on. You can either have a very open discussion with her about it or you can do a lot of research and read books about the subject of menopause or you can go with your partner to her doctor and have them explain everything to you and you can ask questions. Maybe a higher dosage or supplemental drugs will do something or maybe you'll have to live on more hjs and bjs than actual sex.
06/09/2013
Contributor: Gr8pumpkin Gr8pumpkin
Quote:
Originally posted by Fluke
I was just about to ask how old she is, but then I read menopause. That's gonna be the issue. I have very little knowledge of menopause but I assume that it definitely reduces sex drive and hormone production and does so gradually. There's ... more
Menopause is not the problem. She had a hysterectomy before we met 13 plus years ago, and has been on HRT drugs since then. Her libido was fine the first 8 years or so, and we enjoyed a great sex life.
And hey, I would be fine with a Hand job or oral, even snuggling and me taking care of myself with her present. The thing is she seems to just discount my affections and make light of the fact she put me off. It is that attitude that bothers me the most.
06/09/2013
Contributor: eri86 eri86
Quote:
Originally posted by Gr8pumpkin
Menopause is not the problem. She had a hysterectomy before we met 13 plus years ago, and has been on HRT drugs since then. Her libido was fine the first 8 years or so, and we enjoyed a great sex life.
And hey, I would be fine with a Hand job or ... more
You say you don't talk about sex. You need to talk about sex.
06/09/2013
Contributor: jr2012 jr2012
some people have lower sex drives, and it's something that could definitely change over the course of your life.

My questions is, are YOU unsatisfied with the way things are? If the frequency of sex is okay with you, I would advise not to get too caught up in how often other people have sex, or expectations of what is normal.

If you are unhappy, you really should talk to her about it. Your lady may even have another issue that none of us could guess (body image issues? performance issues? simply stressed?). My S.O. (male) has a super low sex drive, and I had to talk to him about my frustrations. Basically he just didn't realize that I wanted more, and he barely recognized the weeks and months going past since the last time we had sex (meanwhile I could tell him the day and time of every sex session recently!). We negotiated an amount of sex that is okay for the both of us...very unsexy but it has helped our sex life a lot.
06/09/2013
Contributor: Gr8pumpkin Gr8pumpkin
Quote:
Originally posted by jr2012
some people have lower sex drives, and it's something that could definitely change over the course of your life.

My questions is, are YOU unsatisfied with the way things are? If the frequency of sex is okay with you, I would advise not to ... more
Yes, we should talk about sex more, and no,,I am not happy with our frequency, she knows that.
I would guess nearly every woman suffers with body image issues, heck, even I do, and I am not out of shape for my age, actually probably better than average. As far as comparing our frequency to others, I do get jealous of hearing so many people having sex more often than us. It gets to me because of my history in my previous marriage where we nearly never had sex, in fact did not consummate our wedding for 8 years, so I am sensitive about not having a good sex life.
The clock is ticking on me, and us, I just mostly want to be as happy with our love life as possible, given our age. I am not trying to compete with 20 year olds, just want a little more.
I am thinking I will venture to suggest that each of us take the initiative to make plans forms ex at least once a week, so at the minimum, that would be twice a week, and double what we typically enjoy these days. I love my wife dearly, and she me, we deserve the best we can be for each other.
06/09/2013
Contributor: js250 js250
Look back in both your lives to the point where this started. Was there a trigger for the changed behavior? Changes in your life? Issues in hers? A small group of changes/feelings/issue s that built up to create a distance for her feelings?

I know that when my hubby and I have problems--I will fuck him, but not desire him as a person, just as a piece of meat to satisfy myself, and sometimes he is the same way--which definitely turns me off! Usually emotional intimacy and desire are in the way you feel about yourself and your partner, when they make you feel special and not taken for granted--sex is more forthcoming.

With body changes and physical differences in your body--this can make you feel subconsciously very insecure, worried and lacking. I had a hysterectomy years ago and felt like a spayed animal for a long time--my sexuality was in neutral....Yes--I orgasmed, but it was more like fast food versus enjoying a full meal.

You two should really try to talk out the differences in how your relationship has become sexually and then compromise together to work out solutions to make you both happy. Maybe even try a bit of romance and dating to get that spark back--no pressure for sex, just build the anticipation. Sometimes that is the issue--the knowing how it is going to end vs. the surprise and long anticipated endings?
06/11/2013