How was he before you got married? I read your profile and take it you have a child. So there probably is so sex. Are you saying he's too vanilla? Not all people have fantasies or willing to admit them.

I wouldn't worry. People do change as time goes by. As long as you have a decent sex life that's good. Some couples don't.

I hope all goes well for you two.

I have the the same problem with my wife. She doesn’t like to talk about sex, never once has opened up about her fantasies, etc., even though I answer every question she has honestly. Admittedly, she has gotten better about trying new positions and toys as time has gone on (only because I continue to order new toys, thank you EF!), but with that improvement came a serious slow down in frequency after the birth of our first child 5 years ago. She’s not interested in seeking medical advice about her lack of drive, but she did finally ask her doctor about it at her last visit and got an answer that was lazy and not at all helpful. Her doc just said “well, you have kids and a busy life and sex is usually the first thing to go, it’s normal.” Thanks a lot, doc!

It’s a slow process to bring your spouse around, but gently, lovingly, keep working on it and hopefully he’ll get to a place where he can open up to you. Never give up! I know I won’t.

I've had vanilla partners with whom I've had similar discussions.
It can be very frustrating. Some people seem to be incapable of intimate introspection and communication. You can however, make it clear that being kinky is important to you and not going away. I would advise these conversations happen in a vanilla atmosphere to make sure there is no pressure to do the things you desire on short notice.

The good news is despite not being good kink communicators, their pleasure receptors generally like good feels and pleasure: the sensual route. It will not help the roll play and things like that.

Do you have specific examples of experiences/acts you would like to have with him?

What helped me is playing fun games. I asked for a date night in and we’ll watch some shows while playing board games. Well I got one out that starts vanilla and each round gets hotter. Drinks and starting off slow worked well! Both learned a lot and although he still won’t speak much on sex subjects but got him to take a fun test which neither of us will know if each other’s answers unless they match and each question had four answers. Maybe start with something like that? Maybe it’ll help! Good luck!

I agree with the idea of playing games. There's an online game (en.fanty.online) that we have played many times. It's a role based game, with challenges for each partner. There is a free option, however with the paid version you can determine to a high degree of detail just how far each of you will go. You can choose what is off limits, and determine how quickly things will escalate. There is even an option to skip a task you don't like...with penalties if you choose. You can start off with simple talk-based tasks, or even things like non-erotic massage, then escalate to more kinky and complicated tasks as the game progresses.