My husband is 43 I'm 32 and like always In the mood. We are faithful to each other and love each other very much. There is no cheating on either side we are literally always together and love it we never fight so i know his not getting it elsewhere. He tells me it's not me and he just doesn't really think about sex much anymore and every once in a while he has always watched porn like it's tv just stroll through click play and skip through or just look at the mini clips showing on the pages doesn't have a effect on him at all.anyone got any advice for me to get him back on track the way things use to be? We can't just buy pills for all this because he can't just take anything because his on blood thinners and had open heart surgery kinda at a lost here and my confidence hs always been so horrible doesn't matter if he says it's not me I will still feel like it is. I understand all men will go through this and around 42 is when it starts usually but this really sucks. Try to take care of things myself without him knowing to make him feel bad but I feel like shit for it and just can't get anything out of it anyway never have always had to be with my partner to get there.
Help! Husband never wants sex anymore. I'm going crazy!
02/22/2021
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First of all, it's not you. I know that me saying that isn't going to magically make your insecurities disappear, but just know that this is not an uncommon issue, and it absolutely does not mean that there's anything wrong with you.
My best advice would be to encourage your husband to have a frank and honest conversation with his doctor about his lack of sex drive. Is this a recent development, or has he always lacked interest in sex? (From the way you talk, it sounds like perhaps this hasn't always been the case.) He could be suffering from some sort of hormonal imbalance, or some other health-related issue that could be impacting his sex drive. That seems especially likely to me given the fact that it sounds like he's had some health issues in the past. A good doctor should be able to give you both more information on potential causes of the problem and possible ways to treat it.
In the mean time, you might try getting your husband involved in some of your toy play (from the way you talk, it sounds like you already have some toys....and if you don't, I suggest browsing through Eden's many options and picking out some toys that appeal to you). Don't make your masturbation something secret that you try to keep from him. Try being more open about it, and maybe even doing it in front of him, if that's something you'd feel comfortable with. Hell, you could even browse sex toys with him and let him be involved in picking something out that he'd like to use on you, or watch you use on yourself. Even if he's having issues using his penis on you, he can still use a toy on you! It could be a fun way for you to both rediscover and explore you sexuality with each other. You might even find that at least some of his interest in sex begins to return once he realises that there are other ways for the two of your to play together and satisfy one another.
My best advice would be to encourage your husband to have a frank and honest conversation with his doctor about his lack of sex drive. Is this a recent development, or has he always lacked interest in sex? (From the way you talk, it sounds like perhaps this hasn't always been the case.) He could be suffering from some sort of hormonal imbalance, or some other health-related issue that could be impacting his sex drive. That seems especially likely to me given the fact that it sounds like he's had some health issues in the past. A good doctor should be able to give you both more information on potential causes of the problem and possible ways to treat it.
In the mean time, you might try getting your husband involved in some of your toy play (from the way you talk, it sounds like you already have some toys....and if you don't, I suggest browsing through Eden's many options and picking out some toys that appeal to you). Don't make your masturbation something secret that you try to keep from him. Try being more open about it, and maybe even doing it in front of him, if that's something you'd feel comfortable with. Hell, you could even browse sex toys with him and let him be involved in picking something out that he'd like to use on you, or watch you use on yourself. Even if he's having issues using his penis on you, he can still use a toy on you! It could be a fun way for you to both rediscover and explore you sexuality with each other. You might even find that at least some of his interest in sex begins to return once he realises that there are other ways for the two of your to play together and satisfy one another.
02/22/2021
KinsleyMajesty
I agree with CuriousFun and would like to second her idea of shopping together for toys and things to spark interest in the bedroom again.
I really believe that if he loves you as much as you say he does, and if he’s being really honest with you, saying that it’s not you, he will continue to make it not about him, but about both of you, connecting again.
It only feels separate because you’re making it separate right now. I understand wanting to hide your masturbation from him, but it only hurts you. Makes you feel like sh** for having your needs met, and not feeling like he’s enough when he “should be” enough. That’s just condemnation talking, and a darkness trying to take hold of your life for having a beautiful sexual drive that can flourish, if you let it. He is the love of your life it sounds like, and someone you really don’t want to let go of. So share with him. Don’t live your sexual life outside of him, because while you may think you’re sparing his feelings, you’re really just pushing him away, creating a box of your life for yourself, where you deem he does not want to go anymore, and that’s a sad road for your relationship to take. It would either lead to you living in despair at feeling you can’t share things with him anymore, or you ultimately leaving. For the sake of you both, be honest with him, and invite him to watch you please yourself... and if he still isn’t interested, My love, I would seriously question how much he truly loves you, or maybe he’s dealing with depression and just has a loss of interest in life itself. Because you, gorgeous, are good enough, and beautiful enough, to make the man who loves you fall at his feet. ?? Go listen to Fall at your feet by Saint Raymond. If that’s not you and him, something is wrong with him, not with you.
I speak with authority on this because I know what it means to be in love with someone who doesn’t love me back, and now, I know what it means to be in love with someone who loves me beyond the galaxies and back. And that person is the person that I would want for you. If it’s him, that’s great!! And if it’s him, he will be more than open to watching you and being with you, in pleasure, desiring you to get yours!! ??????
Blessings Beloved,
And good luck to you!!
I really believe that if he loves you as much as you say he does, and if he’s being really honest with you, saying that it’s not you, he will continue to make it not about him, but about both of you, connecting again.
It only feels separate because you’re making it separate right now. I understand wanting to hide your masturbation from him, but it only hurts you. Makes you feel like sh** for having your needs met, and not feeling like he’s enough when he “should be” enough. That’s just condemnation talking, and a darkness trying to take hold of your life for having a beautiful sexual drive that can flourish, if you let it. He is the love of your life it sounds like, and someone you really don’t want to let go of. So share with him. Don’t live your sexual life outside of him, because while you may think you’re sparing his feelings, you’re really just pushing him away, creating a box of your life for yourself, where you deem he does not want to go anymore, and that’s a sad road for your relationship to take. It would either lead to you living in despair at feeling you can’t share things with him anymore, or you ultimately leaving. For the sake of you both, be honest with him, and invite him to watch you please yourself... and if he still isn’t interested, My love, I would seriously question how much he truly loves you, or maybe he’s dealing with depression and just has a loss of interest in life itself. Because you, gorgeous, are good enough, and beautiful enough, to make the man who loves you fall at his feet. ?? Go listen to Fall at your feet by Saint Raymond. If that’s not you and him, something is wrong with him, not with you.
I speak with authority on this because I know what it means to be in love with someone who doesn’t love me back, and now, I know what it means to be in love with someone who loves me beyond the galaxies and back. And that person is the person that I would want for you. If it’s him, that’s great!! And if it’s him, he will be more than open to watching you and being with you, in pleasure, desiring you to get yours!! ??????
Blessings Beloved,
And good luck to you!!
03/02/2021
KinsleyMajesty
Quote:
I didn’t realize it doesn’t do emoji’s. Sorry for all of the question marks. I didn’t type those. Just lots of hearts and similies. <3
Originally posted by
KinsleyMajesty
I agree with CuriousFun and would like to second her idea of shopping together for toys and things to spark interest in the bedroom again.
I really believe that if he loves you as much as you say he does, and if he’s being really honest with you, ... more
I really believe that if he loves you as much as you say he does, and if he’s being really honest with you, ... more
I agree with CuriousFun and would like to second her idea of shopping together for toys and things to spark interest in the bedroom again.
I really believe that if he loves you as much as you say he does, and if he’s being really honest with you, saying that it’s not you, he will continue to make it not about him, but about both of you, connecting again.
It only feels separate because you’re making it separate right now. I understand wanting to hide your masturbation from him, but it only hurts you. Makes you feel like sh** for having your needs met, and not feeling like he’s enough when he “should be” enough. That’s just condemnation talking, and a darkness trying to take hold of your life for having a beautiful sexual drive that can flourish, if you let it. He is the love of your life it sounds like, and someone you really don’t want to let go of. So share with him. Don’t live your sexual life outside of him, because while you may think you’re sparing his feelings, you’re really just pushing him away, creating a box of your life for yourself, where you deem he does not want to go anymore, and that’s a sad road for your relationship to take. It would either lead to you living in despair at feeling you can’t share things with him anymore, or you ultimately leaving. For the sake of you both, be honest with him, and invite him to watch you please yourself... and if he still isn’t interested, My love, I would seriously question how much he truly loves you, or maybe he’s dealing with depression and just has a loss of interest in life itself. Because you, gorgeous, are good enough, and beautiful enough, to make the man who loves you fall at his feet. ?? Go listen to Fall at your feet by Saint Raymond. If that’s not you and him, something is wrong with him, not with you.
I speak with authority on this because I know what it means to be in love with someone who doesn’t love me back, and now, I know what it means to be in love with someone who loves me beyond the galaxies and back. And that person is the person that I would want for you. If it’s him, that’s great!! And if it’s him, he will be more than open to watching you and being with you, in pleasure, desiring you to get yours!! ??????
Blessings Beloved,
And good luck to you!! less
I really believe that if he loves you as much as you say he does, and if he’s being really honest with you, saying that it’s not you, he will continue to make it not about him, but about both of you, connecting again.
It only feels separate because you’re making it separate right now. I understand wanting to hide your masturbation from him, but it only hurts you. Makes you feel like sh** for having your needs met, and not feeling like he’s enough when he “should be” enough. That’s just condemnation talking, and a darkness trying to take hold of your life for having a beautiful sexual drive that can flourish, if you let it. He is the love of your life it sounds like, and someone you really don’t want to let go of. So share with him. Don’t live your sexual life outside of him, because while you may think you’re sparing his feelings, you’re really just pushing him away, creating a box of your life for yourself, where you deem he does not want to go anymore, and that’s a sad road for your relationship to take. It would either lead to you living in despair at feeling you can’t share things with him anymore, or you ultimately leaving. For the sake of you both, be honest with him, and invite him to watch you please yourself... and if he still isn’t interested, My love, I would seriously question how much he truly loves you, or maybe he’s dealing with depression and just has a loss of interest in life itself. Because you, gorgeous, are good enough, and beautiful enough, to make the man who loves you fall at his feet. ?? Go listen to Fall at your feet by Saint Raymond. If that’s not you and him, something is wrong with him, not with you.
I speak with authority on this because I know what it means to be in love with someone who doesn’t love me back, and now, I know what it means to be in love with someone who loves me beyond the galaxies and back. And that person is the person that I would want for you. If it’s him, that’s great!! And if it’s him, he will be more than open to watching you and being with you, in pleasure, desiring you to get yours!! ??????
Blessings Beloved,
And good luck to you!! less
03/02/2021
Rarely am I turned off by a woman's advances. But it does happen! And I'm like WTF. As it generally is the other way around.
For me a combination of stress and a lack of balanced exercise seem to lead to these spirals.
I would suggest try plentiful giving without asking to receive. Seduce him with massages and complete blowjobs. The mental side of things can be a sticky rut. Men respond primally to feeling respected and even worshipped. And so if you're feeling horny show him that you want to pleasure him.
Giving a woman good loving can be a lot of work (and can even feel like a chore). So do some work for him. Show him your sweetness and affection. If you need to excuse that kind of behavior, tell him sweet nothings like that you need to feel his cock in your mouth. After a week or two of that I'd be impressed if he wasn't ploughing you.
But heart surgery and blood thinners sound traumatic on the body, so there may be a rebound time on that.
A side note: Talking about non monogomous activities, watching couples stream their sexual fun on SDC, and chatting with them, etc can be a fun way to explore sexuality mentally.
For me a combination of stress and a lack of balanced exercise seem to lead to these spirals.
I would suggest try plentiful giving without asking to receive. Seduce him with massages and complete blowjobs. The mental side of things can be a sticky rut. Men respond primally to feeling respected and even worshipped. And so if you're feeling horny show him that you want to pleasure him.
Giving a woman good loving can be a lot of work (and can even feel like a chore). So do some work for him. Show him your sweetness and affection. If you need to excuse that kind of behavior, tell him sweet nothings like that you need to feel his cock in your mouth. After a week or two of that I'd be impressed if he wasn't ploughing you.
But heart surgery and blood thinners sound traumatic on the body, so there may be a rebound time on that.
A side note: Talking about non monogomous activities, watching couples stream their sexual fun on SDC, and chatting with them, etc can be a fun way to explore sexuality mentally.
03/05/2021
Quote:
I am in the same boat. It felt like it happen over night. I know he is always telling me it is him and not me. However I must disagree. If it was truly him then why is he not been to the doctor to get his numbers checked? One day we were watching something on tv. I think it was a commercial that came on. I wish I could remember what it was. Anyway he started to cry over this commercial. That is when I truly realized it was him and not me. He is going through male menopause. We have been together for 15 years and at first it was hot as ever. Now we might have sex once a month. ITS KILLING ME!!!!
Originally posted by
Sexymandy1
My husband is 43 I'm 32 and like always In the mood. We are faithful to each other and love each other very much. There is no cheating on either side we are literally always together and love it we never fight so i know his not getting it
...
more
My husband is 43 I'm 32 and like always In the mood. We are faithful to each other and love each other very much. There is no cheating on either side we are literally always together and love it we never fight so i know his not getting it elsewhere. He tells me it's not me and he just doesn't really think about sex much anymore and every once in a while he has always watched porn like it's tv just stroll through click play and skip through or just look at the mini clips showing on the pages doesn't have a effect on him at all.anyone got any advice for me to get him back on track the way things use to be? We can't just buy pills for all this because he can't just take anything because his on blood thinners and had open heart surgery kinda at a lost here and my confidence hs always been so horrible doesn't matter if he says it's not me I will still feel like it is. I understand all men will go through this and around 42 is when it starts usually but this really sucks. Try to take care of things myself without him knowing to make him feel bad but I feel like shit for it and just can't get anything out of it anyway never have always had to be with my partner to get there.
less
Sorry you are dealing with this. I am here on the same boat. Nothing kicks you down more than feeling unwanted by the one you love. So we think. He loves and still desires you. If he gets on the right meds, you will be telling him NO MORE. Just remember we are our own worst enemies. Do not think for a moment its you. The drive just needs to be helped with the little blue pill.
03/09/2021
todddawn
Have your husband check his testosterone levels
That's what happens to me I'm 52 and they were very very low
That's what happens to me I'm 52 and they were very very low
03/10/2021
Quote:
At 43 you are pretty young in my opinion to be almost completely unaffected by sexual stuff. As you mentioned above his response isn't solely towards you, it is in general. I have good news though. The fact that your husband makes efforts with porn means he acknowledges his sex life isn't how it should be and he wants to fix it. Keep in mind that some people prefer to deal with their issues on their own. Everyday problems often make us prioritize other things in life over sex. Also mutual love, long-term intimacy, and way too much comfort might have made your sex life predictable and not interesting enough. I won't give you the usual advice to spice things up, I've been there, I've done that and from my experience, it is a placebo. Being out of character will secretly make him nervous that you are trying everything because you aren't satisfied with him and you don't want that. After all, it's not the penetration that makes your sex with him precious it is his presence physical and emotional. You want your husband healthy and happy. My advice is to get TOGETHER out of your comfort zones in everything but sex. Spend time on a difficult project or do a hobby that thrills yet scares you. Let your husband have fun and support you. Prove to him that he doesn't know you that well (in a positive way) as you don't know yourself 100% and he doesn't completely know himself too. If he feels carefree as a child and strong and independent as a badass and improved version of himself his self-worth will go up and there will be room for pleasure. Additionally, try having sex in nature, it is really intoxicating. The last thing I want to say is to not hide the fact that you are taking care of your sexual needs by yourself (just don't go overboard and make him feel like his absence isn't noticeable). Tell your husband straight and forward that you are not his bff, you desire him as a man and no masturbation can buy that.
Originally posted by
Sexymandy1
My husband is 43 I'm 32 and like always In the mood. We are faithful to each other and love each other very much. There is no cheating on either side we are literally always together and love it we never fight so i know his not getting it
...
more
My husband is 43 I'm 32 and like always In the mood. We are faithful to each other and love each other very much. There is no cheating on either side we are literally always together and love it we never fight so i know his not getting it elsewhere. He tells me it's not me and he just doesn't really think about sex much anymore and every once in a while he has always watched porn like it's tv just stroll through click play and skip through or just look at the mini clips showing on the pages doesn't have a effect on him at all.anyone got any advice for me to get him back on track the way things use to be? We can't just buy pills for all this because he can't just take anything because his on blood thinners and had open heart surgery kinda at a lost here and my confidence hs always been so horrible doesn't matter if he says it's not me I will still feel like it is. I understand all men will go through this and around 42 is when it starts usually but this really sucks. Try to take care of things myself without him knowing to make him feel bad but I feel like shit for it and just can't get anything out of it anyway never have always had to be with my partner to get there.
less
03/11/2021
I preferred a mix between the two
Have him talk to a doctor and see if there is a medical reason he doesn't have a sex drive and see what they can do to help
04/30/2021
Quote:
Hi! You've mentioned he is on blood thinners. Such meds can decrease sexual drive or make it more difficult to reach orgasm. It is better to discuss this with his doctor.
Originally posted by
Sexymandy1
My husband is 43 I'm 32 and like always In the mood. We are faithful to each other and love each other very much. There is no cheating on either side we are literally always together and love it we never fight so i know his not getting it
...
more
My husband is 43 I'm 32 and like always In the mood. We are faithful to each other and love each other very much. There is no cheating on either side we are literally always together and love it we never fight so i know his not getting it elsewhere. He tells me it's not me and he just doesn't really think about sex much anymore and every once in a while he has always watched porn like it's tv just stroll through click play and skip through or just look at the mini clips showing on the pages doesn't have a effect on him at all.anyone got any advice for me to get him back on track the way things use to be? We can't just buy pills for all this because he can't just take anything because his on blood thinners and had open heart surgery kinda at a lost here and my confidence hs always been so horrible doesn't matter if he says it's not me I will still feel like it is. I understand all men will go through this and around 42 is when it starts usually but this really sucks. Try to take care of things myself without him knowing to make him feel bad but I feel like shit for it and just can't get anything out of it anyway never have always had to be with my partner to get there.
less
05/19/2021
Screamandbite
I am going through the same thing and on year 4 of this, it’s only got worse with time. In the beginning, I thought something was wrong with me, we’d always had good sex and all of a sudden he wasn’t finishing or it felt soft. All of the positions I loved he could stay hard, not even through a blow job (wish I also love giving). It then became very monotonous, he would either just go down on me or want me to maturbate. It all soon became old and I found myself masturbating before he came to be. now it’s months between sex together and it’s always bad. I use to always crave my husband but now have been fantasizing about others. To make it worse I’m always horny but can’t satisfy myself. I am not sure what to do and feel like there is no support for this type of thing.
Jan 21, 2:26 pm
Total posts: 11
Unique posters: 10