Soooooo a bit of conspiracy theorist here. I always thought that those things they say about “sex toys having so dang many health benefits” are kind of marketing bullcrap. I mean, we all know sex is good for you - duh - but sex toys per se - marketing trick. Boy was I wrong.

I’m a big guy, and a lot of my health issues are related to my weight. Particularly I had some heart problems. And I was ready to live with them, to treat them, to kinda just deal with them.

A year ago I bought my first masturbator - it seemed like a fun idea, and my wife, who is often called out of home for business, suggested this elegant solution. A simply silicone pocket pussy was my first choice - I honestly thought I was wasting my money. And when the wife said it might help my health, I grew even more skeptical.

As you might have guessed, I’m writing this post because something convinced me otherwise. Two weeks ago I came home from my doctor’s appointment IN SHOCK - nope, no miracles, the big body was still there, as well as heart problems, but they’ve significantly decreased. My heart rate became steadier (although I was sure it’s gonna work the other way around), my tachycardia got way better. And my doctor kept telling me what a champion I am for clearly improving my lifestyle. As you can imagine, I was sitting there, red as a tomato, thinking of all the time I’ve been “improving my lifestyle” with all those little toys I have now.

BTW I’m sure it’s because of toys. I guess my simple masturbation wasn’t… vigorous enough? And my sex life remained the same throughout the last year. No other changes in my way of life. It’s gotta be the pocket pussy. I’m wowed.

So I'm writing this guessing - am I the only fool around here who got that lucky? Some other little health miracles because of sex toys around here? Would absolutely love to hear I’m not crazy.