I've had a long history with one man. Sorry, try to condense, but will be long. We knew each other for years before we slept together. We mutually decided later we didn't start it earlier because being together once would never be enough. He and I started our physical relationship when he was still married, after he had numerous affairs.
It started seemingly from something that could have been ignored. We were at a party, and our toes grazed each other's under a table of half a dozen people. We didn't make eye contact, we didn't acknowledge the touch to anyone, but that 5 second touch was like a lightning bolt ran through my body, his too.
We were together from that night forward for 12 years. The first half under cover, him going through a divorce, the other half out in the open, and as a couple. It was off and on always though.
The route of the story and what leads to my question- I was finally done when he basically had a midlife crisis, lost his job and decided to move across the country without me. I broke it off when it became evident it was happening when he put his house on the market. We was in the area 3/4 months after I broke it off before he left for good and I haven't seen his face since the night before he left.
It has been well over 2 1/2 years. I have been mostly single through this time. Some because of Covid some because of healing. Ever since he left I have maintained I no longer wanted contact. I also know he has been in a relationship. Yet, every 3 month or so since he left he seeks me out. When I've blocked him, he contacts my friends to get a hold of me. He semi stalks my instagram. He has told me he loves me. Most recently he has contacted me again that he is coming to visit and wants to see me.
The real question- has anyone had someone that they are terrified to be in the same room with? Not because they are scary, but because you believe that your resolve with melt away and you will fall back into lust/love/old habits the moment they walk in your bubble. I have always had the best if intentions when it comes to making decisions about staying away from him, but they always broke down. He obviously has not forgotten our attraction. Neither have I. How do you break a bond? I feel like I've only maintained it because of the distance. Has anyone had this, had success breaking the pattern? less

Yes. I was briefly married to a Persian woman whom knocked me off my feet.
She also had an affair, which devastated me, especially because she was so casual about my heartbreak.
She left for Iran following the 1979 Revolution but returned once to see me and ask if I'd go back with her!
The moment she stepped in sight at the airport I felt as you did when you and your lover's toes touched - exhilerated.
That night, in my bed, I thought she wanted me to go down on her, but she pulled me to he face and whispered in my ear, "I want your cock."
That's how it was with us until the day she died of ovarian cancer in 2015.
We were both married by then but she could have me any time.
As Bill Withers said, "Use Me."
Peter less