My connection and the sexual fireworks and chemistry was sooo strong with my husband when we first got together it scared the hell out of me!!! I was not used to having such a strong sexual bond or being able to act on it whenever the mood struck. I am also a very reserved person emotionally and the bond between us was very terrifying--I could lose myself in the relationship, and did for awhile.... less

No--I'd thank my lucky stars and praise God for smiling upon me and then do a little happy dance. Having great sexual chemistry is a must for me, and if it's like that off the bat and a relationship results? Hallelujah! The scenario of a guy being with a skilled woman just sounds like insecurity to me...that he's afraid he could never please her like her past lovers, or he's uncomfortable with the fact that she's been "claimed" before. I say stop whining, grow a pair, and learn a thing or two from your awesome lover.

As far as control issues go...again, stop whining, and enjoy the awesome sex. So...don't control your SO? Let them be their own person, and deal with the fact that you have to learn that being a skilled lover doesn't automatically mean that you are incapable of being faithful. Learn to trust someone based on their integrity as a person, not for how good they are in bed. There's a lot more to a person than their genitals.

Either way you cut it though...it sounds like insecurity would cause such a dilemma for someone. Insecurity is really not sexy, and you won't be the best lover until you learn to control that aspect of yourself and just...have fun and enjoy! less

Agreed insecurity and controlling tendencies are not sexy. However there is a right way to do everything. Displaying ones full sexual repertoire right off the bat can be problematic in some cases. There is a difference between being an awesome lover and being a freak in the bed. The freak in us should be revealed over time. Together they are an awesome combination. less

Certainly, but I was under the impression that we were just talking about being good in bed, not having a massive repertoire of sexual moves that constitutes a person being a "freak" in bed. I mean, if I were with a guy the first time and he wanted to spank me, tie me up and make me beg, I'd laugh in his face, because all those acts require a certain level of trust and intimacy for me to be established before we go down the sexually freaky road. But that's a different issue. Most good lovers who blow your mind without those more advanced kinks are people who are attentive, who care about how the other person responds to what they are doing, who is genuinely interested in satisfying and being satisfied. And of course, just good old fashioned chemistry. Some people click better than others. For me, being relaxed and feeling safe and respected by my partner also plays a huge role in how mind blowing a sexual experience is. But yeah, people should wait before they pull out all the stops and reveal their entire sexual repertoire at once, but as they reveal it over time, I think it's ridiculous to feel insecure over their experiences. We all got to where we our in our level of sexual prowess because of our own personal experiences and personality types. It just seems silly to me to run away from someone because of it. But if someone can't handle the intensity of good sex, well...okay, I guess. But you may regret it down the line when you end up with someone who doesn't know how to blow your mind, and you eventually find that you are ready to have your mind blown. less

Agreed Supervixen I may have tilted the question slightly. It is silly to ruin an otherwise fantastic relationship over experiance levels. However, mind blowing sex is going to create a chemical bond. Sex can be used as a weapon. Every relationship stands on its own merit. Its not silly to feel that you don't want to be bonded to a person that you don't completely know.

Also, as Freud would state it all our insecurities and nuerosis are connected to sex. less

I'm sorry, I'm not following that logic. Because we form bonds through sexual intimacy, we should assume that because someone doesn't showcase their entire sexual repertoire on the first go around, but is clearly experienced, that it's potentially a bad thing, and we don't "completely know them" right off the bat. Of course you don't--you never know anyone completely off the bat, if ever. And why the emphasis on sex? You form bonds with people you don't completely know all the time, and all aspects of a relationship take time to be revealed, not just the sexual parts. Just because someone is more sexually experienced and has more to reveal over time in that sense, it doesn't mean that you know the less sexually experienced partner any more than the experienced one...you only know what people choose to let you in on, whether that's about sex or not.

I'm sorry, the whole premise sounds like insecurity over sexual prowess and fear over another person's experiences reflecting poorly upon the less experienced person. And it's neurotic, in my opinion. You form bonds in all kinds of ways with other people, and singling out good sex as a reason to halt a relationship is just...kind of silly, in my honest opinion. There are about a billion and a half reasons to not pursue relationships with certain people...this seems like a silly thing to add to the list. But hey, that's just my perspective. What seems silly to me might seem really important to another person. Whatever works for you, I suppose. less