How do you guys get out of your comfort zone? I love reading smut, and thinking of trying the different ways, but im too uncomfortable to try it myself. How do you guys handle getting out of that zone without alcohol lol
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Getting our of the comfort zone
Handcuffedoperator
11/10/2022
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It's all about taking a chance...stepping out of your comfort zone. Sex should be an adventure! Start with something completely different. For example, if penetration is your thing, then try something like a clit stimulator. If your go-to is vibration, then try an air pulsation toy. You may love it, or it may be a flop, but try something different. I have plenty of toys that were "one hit wonders" but many of them I'll try again when the mood is right. Another option is something like a panty vibe - great for a date night and increases that "naughtiness" level. If you can be more specific about the "different ways" you're uncomfortable pursuing, tell more and I'm sure you'll get more suggestions!
Originally posted by
Handcuffedoperator
How do you guys get out of your comfort zone? I love reading smut, and thinking of trying the different ways, but im too uncomfortable to try it myself. How do you guys handle getting out of that zone without alcohol lol
11/10/2022
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My partner and I have been listening to podcasts lately. It really has revved her up! Lol this is the closest thing I have seen to female viagra.
Originally posted by
Handcuffedoperator
How do you guys get out of your comfort zone? I love reading smut, and thinking of trying the different ways, but im too uncomfortable to try it myself. How do you guys handle getting out of that zone without alcohol lol
Our favorite is a swinger couple sharing their journey, erotic stories and tips: Priory Society
Other ones we listen too: Venus Cuckoldress, Keys and Anklets, and Ofacez
11/25/2022
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If one partner expresses the fantasy, the other may have the impetuousness to initiate it.
Originally posted by
Handcuffedoperator
How do you guys get out of your comfort zone? I love reading smut, and thinking of trying the different ways, but im too uncomfortable to try it myself. How do you guys handle getting out of that zone without alcohol lol
Sometimes, writing it to your partner is better. Slip it in his pocket or her purse to find. Write it in the other's agenda.
You can also just order whatever is entailed, and that lets the cat out of the bag. When it shows up in the post, your partner sees it and may take it from there.
Sometimes, an idea needs to be planted. What seems crazy one day might seem reasonable after some time to get used to the idea.
And sometimes it's good to check out real-life stories to see how much danger you're really taking on: arrest, disease, injury, loss of reputation, whatever. Sometimes you'll find it's not what you were hoping for.
Or is there no partner initially and the way you initiate something with a stranger is the issue?
01/11/2023
Resorting to alcohol is definitely not the best way to push your boundaries. My advice would depend somewhat on whether you are having sex with a specific partner, or if you are looking to hook up with people. It also depends on why you are anxious.
Taking the first step into something new can definitely be nerve-wracking. For me personally, it helps to do a lot of research on any kinks or scenarios I might want to experience, so I know what to expect. Communicate with your partner (even if they are a one-time hook-up, you should still talk about what you both want and expect, especially if it involves kink). Finding someone you can trust and feel comfortable with is super important. It might help to build up slowly - foreplay will get you into the (lustful ) mindset, but it can also help you relax around your partner before pushing that comfort zone. Have them reassure you that they want to be part of this fantasy, that they will take proper care of you (whatever that means for this scenario), that you are smoking hot, or whatever else you need to hear to feel confident and secure.
Start out with smaller things that are only slightly outside of what you are normally comfortable with - for example, if you wanted to experiment with bondage, start off with having a partner do simple bonds on your wrists or ankles, or tie a harness that allows you to experience the feel of ropes while still giving you full motion. If you're looking for impact play, start with something basic like spanking and figure out what your tolerance is before jumping into anything heavier. It goes without saying that you should ALWAYS clearly establish safewords/boundaries and check in with your partner afterwards.
Whether for sex or other aspects of life, knowing how to handle anxiety is a huge help. Practice deep breathing, untense your muscles, walk yourself through the scenario until you feel more comfortable about it. It helps me to make contingency plans - if something does go wrong, what is my plan B? If I try something and don't feel good about it, what am I going to do to help me with those feelings?
Lastly, remind yourself that these are things you want to try and you likely will not regret trying them as much as you'll regret NOT trying them. It's a bit like jumping off a zipline: you have to psych yourself up to jump, but it's a ton of fun. Once you have practice with taking that plunge, it will only get easier. Best of luck!
Taking the first step into something new can definitely be nerve-wracking. For me personally, it helps to do a lot of research on any kinks or scenarios I might want to experience, so I know what to expect. Communicate with your partner (even if they are a one-time hook-up, you should still talk about what you both want and expect, especially if it involves kink). Finding someone you can trust and feel comfortable with is super important. It might help to build up slowly - foreplay will get you into the (lustful ) mindset, but it can also help you relax around your partner before pushing that comfort zone. Have them reassure you that they want to be part of this fantasy, that they will take proper care of you (whatever that means for this scenario), that you are smoking hot, or whatever else you need to hear to feel confident and secure.
Start out with smaller things that are only slightly outside of what you are normally comfortable with - for example, if you wanted to experiment with bondage, start off with having a partner do simple bonds on your wrists or ankles, or tie a harness that allows you to experience the feel of ropes while still giving you full motion. If you're looking for impact play, start with something basic like spanking and figure out what your tolerance is before jumping into anything heavier. It goes without saying that you should ALWAYS clearly establish safewords/boundaries and check in with your partner afterwards.
Whether for sex or other aspects of life, knowing how to handle anxiety is a huge help. Practice deep breathing, untense your muscles, walk yourself through the scenario until you feel more comfortable about it. It helps me to make contingency plans - if something does go wrong, what is my plan B? If I try something and don't feel good about it, what am I going to do to help me with those feelings?
Lastly, remind yourself that these are things you want to try and you likely will not regret trying them as much as you'll regret NOT trying them. It's a bit like jumping off a zipline: you have to psych yourself up to jump, but it's a ton of fun. Once you have practice with taking that plunge, it will only get easier. Best of luck!
06/15/2023
Reading smut was a GREAT way to get my wife to try kinkier things!
Wanna share what your read? She began with ACOTAR of course, then moved up to all of Katee Roberts, latest are the IPB
Our biggest experimenting phase came after the Den of Vipers I think - the kinkiest of them all. She used a cane and a flogger on me, amongst other things (and things I used on her, of course). Tried CBT around that time, too - never dug the humiliation aspect of it, but the intensity of sensations that borders with pain - oooh, that was the cup of tea for us. My experience here.
Wanna share what your read? She began with ACOTAR of course, then moved up to all of Katee Roberts, latest are the IPB
Our biggest experimenting phase came after the Den of Vipers I think - the kinkiest of them all. She used a cane and a flogger on me, amongst other things (and things I used on her, of course). Tried CBT around that time, too - never dug the humiliation aspect of it, but the intensity of sensations that borders with pain - oooh, that was the cup of tea for us. My experience here.
07/17/2023
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Unique posters: 6