The New Intimacy

Do you ever feel like sex gets in the way?

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Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
There are times in my relationship that I feel like sex is just a distraction. I know it's probably not a good thing, but it's true. For example, if there's hard times going on in the family or if there's a lot going on with work and I just want to talk for the night. I feel like sex just makes things worse and there is a need for a break.

Who feels the same and why?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
I feel that sex can be a distraction at times.
ToyGurl , OrangeKushBB , Ryuson , Eucaly , ms.anon , Ghost , LAndJ , froggiemoma , TheCleansing , JackRaiden , cburger , potstickers
12  (33%)
Sex should never be a distraction.
Howells , Moein , Gunsmoke , Beck , EvilHomer , AndroAngel , socceras , The Curious Couple , Sinfully , Jammin14580
10  (28%)
I don't know.
Other.
Antipova , js250 , SilverIsis , PassionateLover2 , Peggi , indiglo , GonetoLovehoney , Coralbell , ellejay , Diabolical Kitty , Ms. Spice , TheSlyFox , SiNn , Bonesdance
14  (39%)
Total votes: 36
Poll is closed
11/25/2011
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Contributor: Antipova Antipova
None of you poll options really describe me---I can see how sex could take away valuable time when important things need to be discussed, and I do respect that if my partner feels that way and mentions it.

Personally, though, sex usually either helps me center myself so I can do a better job of communicating and discussing in the discussion we're about to have, or it helps us both ground and center ourselves and assure each other that our bond is solid after we've just had an important discussion.

So I can understand how it can seem distracting in some situations, or how it would be distracting for others, but for me it's pretty necessary and not distracting.
11/25/2011
Contributor: js250 js250
For us, sex is a way to shut out the distractions and problems. Sort of a mini escape from the world. Later, we can talk and cuddle with open and closer minds.
11/25/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
My thoughts are similar to Antipova's. We still have time to discuss things and have sex frequently. If it's morning sex, we have after, and even after evening sex (if we aren't exhausted) to discuss things we need to.

I am not taking away anyone right to feel this would be a distraction, but I'm saying it isn't for me.

Once in a while, I feel I need a short break, just for emotional and physical recovery. He's been home all week, and we've been at it almost every night and every morning. Yesterday morning, I really needed a break and was a bit sore so he simply got a BJ and I was ready for more yesterday evening, and it was amazing! Then, we were back in the swing of "Man's Home Sex All The Time" mode again.

Some people need more time for recovery and discussion, that's all. Talk to your partner if you feel it's being used when you have something you need to say.
11/25/2011
Contributor: SilverIsis SilverIsis
For me, sex is meditative. Its a place to say "nothing is more important than being in this moment, feeling this pleasure, connecting with this person". Sex is only disruptive if you use it away to avoid your problems completely. Then it is no different then any other behavioral addiction.
11/25/2011
Contributor: OrangeKushBB OrangeKushBB
It can be..
11/25/2011
Contributor: PassionateLover2 PassionateLover2
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
For us, sex is a way to shut out the distractions and problems. Sort of a mini escape from the world. Later, we can talk and cuddle with open and closer minds.
My sentiments also. Moreover, the make-up sex can be that much appreciated; it strengthens the relationship.
11/25/2011
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
My ex-husband sure thought it was ... "Why are you getting worked up over a genital sneeze?" he'd ask ... while also keeping our marriage celibate. In that situation I needed sex AS the 'distraction' from the stresses of life. Never got it.

I don't know if it would be a distraction with Master or not. It's something to look for when we do get together more regularly.
11/25/2011
Contributor: jedent jedent
we try to keep sex separate from everything else
11/26/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by SilverIsis
For me, sex is meditative. Its a place to say "nothing is more important than being in this moment, feeling this pleasure, connecting with this person". Sex is only disruptive if you use it away to avoid your problems completely. Then it is ... more
Yeah, I agree. Sex is only a distraction if you're using it to escape from dealing with actual problems in your relationship or life. I think it depends on the situation and the people involved in the relationship.
11/26/2011
Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
I think it really depends. Sometimes if I'm stressed I have trouble letting those things go and really enjoy the sex, but at the same time it helps me to relax and it helps my boyfriend, too! I love feeling close to him and having him there, but I can see both ways.
11/26/2011
Contributor: Eucaly Eucaly
If you really need to talk but have sex instead, it can be a way of avoiding the hard conversations.
11/26/2011
Contributor: Coralbell Coralbell
I can see how it could just be a distraction, but I've never actually been in that situation. If I'm stressed out, sex usually helps make me feel better. If we need to talk about something, we'd do that first and then have sex. I've actually never turned down sex, or been "not in the mood" and didn't want it. But I'm sure it will happen at some point in my life.
11/26/2011
Contributor: LAndJ LAndJ
I suppose I do just kind of forget about everything else at that time, but I never purposely use sex as a distraction.
11/26/2011
Contributor: Moein Moein
For married persons it shouldn't be a distraction unless the person is sooo lust.
11/26/2011
Contributor: SiNn SiNn
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
There are times in my relationship that I feel like sex is just a distraction. I know it's probably not a good thing, but it's true. For example, if there's hard times going on in the family or if there's a lot going on with work and ... more
id ont think sex is a distraction tho i do feel sometimes that it hs bad timeing
11/26/2011
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
For us, sex is a way to shut out the distractions and problems. Sort of a mini escape from the world. Later, we can talk and cuddle with open and closer minds.
Very nicely stated - having sex gets us on the same page - the page that says we can work out whatever problems we are facing.
11/28/2011
Contributor: Bonesdance Bonesdance
There are times where I feel life distracts my wife and me from sex, but never where sex negatively distracts us from other important things. She might disagree, though, since my libido is significantly higher than hers and I'm sure there have been times where she might have rather been thinking something through than having sex with me.
11/28/2011
Contributor: averageguyextrodinarypleasure averageguyextrodinarypleasure
Sex for us is a time to get away from things so I guess you could say its a distraction but it's one we purposely try and have
11/29/2011
Contributor: froggiemoma froggiemoma
Sometimes I feel like this, yes.
11/29/2011
Contributor: Beck Beck
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
For us, sex is a way to shut out the distractions and problems. Sort of a mini escape from the world. Later, we can talk and cuddle with open and closer minds.
I agree with this, so i think sex should never be a distraction, but more of an escape.
11/29/2011
Contributor: TheCleansing TheCleansing
It can be a hindrance to a seriously good relationship for sure.
11/29/2011
Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
Sex shouldn't be a distraction. If there's something going on that needs our attention, we don't have sex. If we need a break from the tough stuff, we do have sex.
11/29/2011
Contributor: switzerland switzerland
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
Sex shouldn't be a distraction. If there's something going on that needs our attention, we don't have sex. If we need a break from the tough stuff, we do have sex.
agreed
11/29/2011
Contributor: socceras socceras
I only do it when I know I can enjoy it.
11/29/2011
Contributor: The Curious Couple The Curious Couple
We only have sex if we have time. We don't let it be a distraction.
11/29/2011
Contributor: Sinfully Sinfully
Sex is never a distraction for me.
12/01/2011
Contributor: Jammin14580 Jammin14580
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGurl
There are times in my relationship that I feel like sex is just a distraction. I know it's probably not a good thing, but it's true. For example, if there's hard times going on in the family or if there's a lot going on with work and ... more
Sex is relaxing! Or it should be. It's social, it's romantic, and it relieves stress - if you're doing it right.
12/11/2011