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Is it common for women to not have orgasms via oral?

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Contributor: nived1964 nived1964
A bit of history........
We have been married 22 yrs and my wonderful wife has never had a real orgasm produced by me oral or vaginal, 2 years ago I got her interested in toys and all was OK, but no orgasms for her. She finds oral great on her, but no orgasms. Intercourse is great also, but once again no orgasms. She gets aroused and is extremely wet, hence I thought I was doing everything right. Only to find out a few weeks ago she has never had an orgasm with me. Bummer for my ego!
Well she went to another state for work for a few months and I decided to send her some toys, to get rid of stress.
She has been messing with the toys on her own and has finally had those mind blowing orgasms ONLY cliteral, never vaginal. She has to have major pressure and vibration on the clit and bone to produce it.

I am very happy that she has after all these years been able to "release" as a woman should.
My issue I guess is with me not being able to do this for her, that she has to use just a toy.
Being with her is amazing, but I am a bit depressed for myself that I have failed in that area.
So long story short....
Should I be so hard on myself and what can I do to produce the orgasm? Or should I not worry about it?

thanks for any help.

Dave
12/11/2009
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Contributor: GingerAnn GingerAnn
Insightful breakdown of Oral sex enhancers:

Do you direct your lover during oral sex or do you just go with the flow even if you wished they were doing it dupifferently?
Just curious who speaks up to get what they want from oral sex.

So ladies... Do any of you not like to have oral sex performed on you? And if so why?
I was talking to some ladies at work who were discussing the exact opposite topic and when I flipped the discussion I got varied answers. Anybody care

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12/11/2009
Contributor: ArmyWife Kira ArmyWife Kira
Quote:
Originally posted by nived1964
A bit of history........
We have been married 22 yrs and my wonderful wife has never had a real orgasm produced by me oral or vaginal, 2 years ago I got her interested in toys and all was OK, but no orgasms for her. She finds oral great on her, ... more
I am pretty much the same way as your wife. If it weren't for toys I would never orgasm. In all of my sexual life I have only had around 3 orgasms from just sex with no toys. Only one being with my current husband.

As far as oral goes I have only had orgasms during oral with my ex husband and that was when I was a lot younger. My current husband tries and I get REALLY excited but no orgasm.

My husband has accepted the fact that there will always be a vibrator involved in our love making. If I were you I wouldn't take it too hard....every woman is different. Try to find ways to integrate toys in your love making. Also, make sure she is totally comfortable and start out with lots of foreplay. I have my moments where I don't feel 100% comfortable naked (I feel fat, ugly, all those things women think on occasion) and it definitely affects my ability to enjoy sex.

Anyway, good luck! I hope everything works out!
12/11/2009
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
don't think of it as failure. See if you can use the toys on her how she likes and think of that as success. Be happy that she is finally experiencing orgasm at all.
12/11/2009
Contributor: removedacnt removedacnt
It is very easy for me to have an orgasm. And yet, I've never had one through oral alone. It's nice and all, but it's not enough. And if your wife likes pressure, it's probably not enough for her either.
12/11/2009
Contributor: ArmyWife Kira ArmyWife Kira
Quote:
Originally posted by removedacnt
It is very easy for me to have an orgasm. And yet, I've never had one through oral alone. It's nice and all, but it's not enough. And if your wife likes pressure, it's probably not enough for her either.
Exactly, it's the pressure. I require a lot of pressure to orgasm and oral just doesn't provide that. At least not with LOTS of effort from my husband. It tires his tongue out pretty quickly, lol.
12/11/2009
Contributor: Sammi Sammi
I can have them from oral alone, but the first time takes a long time - probably around 30 minutes or so.
12/11/2009
Contributor: nived1964 nived1964
Thanks for all the comments. It is a "guy" thing I guess. I am very pleased that she has finally gotten there, as is she!! For the first 20 yrs I could not get her to even think about toys, or videos, those things were "dirty". After I introduced them to her by surprise, to spice things up she has warmed up to them.

Again thanks for the comments, and I need to see the trees through the forest and enjoy.

Dave
12/11/2009
Contributor: Envy Envy
I only can from toys, so don't feel bad. My bf is actually happy I can even release at all, when first dating I couldn't until I got into toys. I can't without them, not even with my own hands. But now he has an excuse to play with my things, lol.

You should see this bunny egg sleeve I had, he'd put it on his finger like a finger puppet and make it hop around going "bunny bunny bunny...." It was funny and embarassing all at the same time, lol.
12/11/2009
Contributor: Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Quote:
Originally posted by removedacnt
It is very easy for me to have an orgasm. And yet, I've never had one through oral alone. It's nice and all, but it's not enough. And if your wife likes pressure, it's probably not enough for her either.
This is pretty much me--I NEED pressure to have a clitoral orgasm, which is why vibes that shut off when you press too hard are a no-go for me. I love receiving oral, it just doesn't make me come because there's not enough pressure.


If my partner wants to finish me off that way, they can just give me head, then when I get really close, just press on me with their palm for a minute or so. It usually works.
12/11/2009
Contributor: Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
Quote:
Originally posted by removedacnt
It is very easy for me to have an orgasm. And yet, I've never had one through oral alone. It's nice and all, but it's not enough. And if your wife likes pressure, it's probably not enough for her either.
This is pretty much me--I NEED pressure to have a clitoral orgasm, which is why vibes that shut off when you press too hard are a no-go for me. I love receiving oral, it just doesn't make me come because there's not enough pressure.


If my partner wants to finish me off that way, they can just give me head, then when I get really close, just press on me with their palm for a minute or so. It usually works.
12/11/2009
Contributor: deceased deceased
Try it with more pressure, more suction, speed and hum really hard for vibration. Find out what she likes. Too many folks just act like they are licking a pile of postage stamps to put on envelopes....
12/12/2009
Contributor: ArmyWife Kira ArmyWife Kira
Quote:
Originally posted by deceased
Try it with more pressure, more suction, speed and hum really hard for vibration. Find out what she likes. Too many folks just act like they are licking a pile of postage stamps to put on envelopes....
I second this. The suction and pressure are what send me over the top. My ex husband used to do this press and swirl then suck thing around my clit that was amazing. It was tiring for him but it got me off. Too bad he sucked in every other aspect of our relationship....lol!
12/12/2009
Contributor: Tuesday Tuesday
From my experience, men who are as interested in pleasing a woman as you are are pretty good at oral. I'm like so many others here in never having come through oral and rarely by penetration, even with very talented men. But I have no trouble doing so with toys.
12/12/2009
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
In my single days I certainly dated girls who could orgasm from oral - one in particular just went wild after just a few licks! Fast forward to the present......

My wife enjoys oral - especially after a smooth shave - but it's just foreplay - she gets a bit irritated if I go for too long. There's just no way to compete with the intensity of a vibe.

I sure wish I could because since she's learned to ejaculate I'd love to experience it first hand.
12/13/2009
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
I'm ridiculously difficult for other people to get off. I almost never have orgasms during sex and oral takes for.eh.ver. My partners almost always give up before I'm done.
12/14/2009
Contributor: Shanna Germain Shanna Germain
I agree with all of this, yes. I don't need pressure, but I need a certain type of movement to have a clit orgasm. Thus, my fingers or a vibe are best. G-spot orgasms happen if I'm in a certain position, and then of course there are anal orgasms, which are a different thing altogether.

But, it's true -- most of the time other people either don't have the right rhythm or pressure to get me off. It sounds like you two are coming a long way in terms of communication, though, which is HUGE.
12/14/2009
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
Don't be too hard on yourself. Everyone is differnet and your wife is the way she is and you shouldn't feel bad about not being able to help her do something she has a hard time doing on her own without toys.

For myself, I can't orgasm through oral at all but can have orgasms during intercourse without toys but it has to be in a particular position and his penis has to hit my g-spot straight on. So I don't have orgasms everytime we do it.

I sure wish though that I could have an orgasm through oral but I just don't think I could have my partner lick me for 30 mins without feeling guilty which would prevent me from having an orgasm.
12/15/2009
Contributor: Darling Dove Darling Dove
I've never had an orgasm from oral but I can orgasm from penetration and other things.

If she likes pressure try using your fingers in a somewhat rough up and down motion. Just use some lube and listen to her if it hurts. Since theres a lot of pressure that drives me nuts. I do always need pressure though, and it usually irritates guys trying to get me off with oral. I think it will happen eventually when I get a man who doesn't give up in a few minutes.
12/15/2009
Contributor: Miss Jane Miss Jane
I can have orgasm during intercourse, and by myself, and with toys.. But no matter how hard anyone has tried, I've never orgasmed with oral. I've gotten extremely close, but never quite 'there'.
01/02/2010
Contributor: Miss Jane Miss Jane
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Jane
I can have orgasm during intercourse, and by myself, and with toys.. But no matter how hard anyone has tried, I've never orgasmed with oral. I've gotten extremely close, but never quite 'there'.
an orgasm*
01/02/2010
Contributor: northstar northstar
Quote:
Originally posted by Backseat Boohoo
This is pretty much me--I NEED pressure to have a clitoral orgasm, which is why vibes that shut off when you press too hard are a no-go for me. I love receiving oral, it just doesn't make me come because there's not enough ... more
Agree with this. I'm the same way - absolutely need pressure! Partners need not put so much emphasis on their own 'success' or 'failure', rather than just pleasing their counterpart and making them feel good. If it's a team effort and you're willing to work together to find what she needs to orgasm, then all is well!
07/17/2011
Contributor: EJ EJ
In order for me to orgasm during oral sex, I usually need something inside of me as well, whether it's his finger or a dildo.
07/25/2011