The New Intimacy

Being a sperm donor.

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Contributor: Liz2 Liz2
My b/f revealed to me a few months ago that he was a regular sperm donor when he was a college student on the West Coast, this was 13 plus years ago. He said the sperm bank "loved" his genes, background, brains and looks. He considered this sort of like a part time job; he was told to abstain from ejaculating for three days prior to his visit. That was the most difficult part for him.

Now, I have been thinking that he may be the father to more then one hundred kids!! This is somehow bothering me and social work is my profession!!
Just wondering how any of the community would feel about their man being a sperm donor??
09/02/2010
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Contributor: Envy Envy
I don't think I'd have any problems with it. Heck I have thought about being an egg donor myself. I don't want any children, but the chance to help someone get what I don't want seems rewarding and the idea makes me feel less like my eggs are just 'going to waste' so to speak.

Just i hear for women it's a bit different.
09/02/2010
Contributor: Alicia Alicia
Quote:
Originally posted by Liz2
My b/f revealed to me a few months ago that he was a regular sperm donor when he was a college student on the West Coast, this was 13 plus years ago. He said the sperm bank "loved" his genes, background, brains and looks. He considered this ... more
I don't know how I'd feel. I think the not knowing would bother me. But it would have been for a great cause and I'm sure the sperm has made a lot of couples and single women happy to fulfill their dream of parenthood. There's just something about the not knowing if there are genetic children of your spouse out there that I guess would be unsettling. In the long run I wouldn't really care though I guess because he's not actually their father in any way other than biologically.
09/02/2010
Contributor: gone77 gone77
I've never really given this any thought before, but honestly, I don't think I would mind.
09/02/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Liz2
My b/f revealed to me a few months ago that he was a regular sperm donor when he was a college student on the West Coast, this was 13 plus years ago. He said the sperm bank "loved" his genes, background, brains and looks. He considered this ... more
I think you and your man need to talk to figure out how you both feel about it. He was young and it was a good way to make money, with little effort. College students are always short on cash.

My Man and I saw a show about sperm and egg donation, and I said I could NEVER be an egg donor, because I was worried about someone else raising MY kids, and he said he felt the same way about sperm donation. A lot of guys he went to school with did it, too. (And that was many years ago, before they put a limit on how many babies could come from one donor. Some guys ended up being donators to more than 1,000 children back then.)

If he is OK with it, then it's OK. There's nothing that can be done about it now.

Yeah, I know it would have bothered me if My Man had done this, too. But, it's water under the bridge. Nothing can be done now. I think just resigning yourself to the fact that nothing can be done about it now, chances are they are with good parents, who would not have been able to have a baby otherwise. And, your man's good genes are put to good use.
09/02/2010
Contributor: Liz2 Liz2
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I think you and your man need to talk to figure out how you both feel about it. He was young and it was a good way to make money, with little effort. College students are always short on cash.

My Man and I saw a show about sperm and egg ... more
Thanks for your thoughts. My altruistic side says, great, for so many reasons....helping a woman conceive, etc. but my emotional side makes me curious, jealous, and also somewhat surprised by his total detachment or concern for the offspring he was involved in producing. And then....1000 kids?? I was at 100 plus!!
He is an engineer and works by a set plan. Emotions rarely enter his work sphere. I am probably just too emotional.
09/03/2010
Contributor: Blinker Blinker
I'm with you. I'd be freaked out by this. Have you seen Family Guy, where Peter spills all the semen samples and has to refill them with his own? Then Bertram is born, the little evil bastard...

*cough*

I always inject Family Guy into conversations, so forgive me, but if I found out my boyfriend had donated a lot of spunk to a center, I'd be upset. especially since due to some problems, it would be difficult for ME to conceive, so the thought of him having little babies out there while I was having trouble with conceiving our own? You get the point.
09/03/2010
Contributor: Liz2 Liz2
I wanted to kick this one back up, now that some of the spam issue has been addressed.
Tori Rebel started an interesting discussion on being an egg donor. Are men and women so different here? Perhaps I am just to damn sensitive after all?
09/04/2010
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
I think it may just be how men and women view their 'production materials'.

Men are able to spray theirs out and it'll still be viable for a few minutes/hours outside the body - wasting is normal. We don't see ours until it's broken down and leaving our bodies as unviable - unused potential.

Men are told not to be 'in touch' with their bodies, while women are told to monitor everything going on. Hence we feel a closer relationship to everything inside us - even baby materials.

Men can produce their material throughout their entire lives, while we have a set number and a biological deadline to use it.

Judging by the amount of irresponsible fathers that I know that are AWARE of their ex girlfriends taking care of THEIR spawn, a cynical part of me says that guys just don't give a shit what happens to their jiz after it leaves them, especially if no one's going after them for child support.

Be lucky you hit the jackpot of actually having HIM as opposed to just his material - brains, looks, genes, and background, all yours and you can snuggle him, too - does he have a brother?

Seriously, though, I understand where you are coming from. You care about children (that is your profession) and it does speak volumes of your dedication to making sure everyone is accounted for and taken care of. It will always be an unknown, unfortunately. Just don't let it get in the way of what you have with him.
09/04/2010
Contributor: B8trDude B8trDude
I think that this is a concern too. The fact that he probably has a huge number of children running around is a bit bothersome but even more concerning is if he has a genetic disorder or propensity for certain afflictions later in life that he's now passed on to so many others. It's one thing for two people to have a few of their own children but the thought of one individual having so many and not knowing who or where they are just doesn't seem right - even for altruistic reasons.
09/06/2010