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Vaccinium
No. Don't get me wrong, our relationship outside sex is great, but the sexual side needs a lot of improvement. Actually, when we do have sex, it is totally amazing and she continually surprises me with the boundaries she is willing and desirous
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No. Don't get me wrong, our relationship outside sex is great, but the sexual side needs a lot of improvement. Actually, when we do have sex, it is totally amazing and she continually surprises me with the boundaries she is willing and desirous to break down. It's the frequency of sex that really gets to me. It is at best once a week. That's actually a huge improvement over when we were first married when it was on the order of once every month or two, but it is still doesn't meet my needs. Still, I can put up with just once a week if she would show me that she desired me sexually. It is obvious she loves me by her words and actions, but very rarely do I feel like she truly desires me. No cards, no notes, no seduction, little flirting-- it's frustrating. Most nights, it's almost like she does it out of duty, rather than out of desire. I've talked to her about it, but she doesn't really have an answer for me. I go all out trying to show her my desire for her, but not having it be reciprocated is tough. I guess I just need to keep plugging away and hope for the best.
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I am so sorry. I had trouble for many years with a similar problem. However, I was sexually distant because I was so consumed with fatigue, random pain/numbness, it took all I had just to keep it together to get through the work day. Even though I desired my husband, the thought of the work involved -- the physical part, the emotional part, as well as the clean up part was sometimes just to overwhelming for me to consider.
I thought I was going crazy. I was disgusted with myself because I felt that way, doubling the guilt. I was ashamed to share those feelings(tripling the guilt) and all those feelings made me think I didn't deserve to love or be loved sexually (God just remembering that feeling makes me cry). I am not even sure if I ever told my husband that yet. He'll have to read this post; not sure I would be able to say those words out loud.
Anyway, I finally found out it was not 'in my head' like every doctor had lead me to believe for 15 years; but instead, MS was robbing me of my energy and I had to learn better ways to conserve it.
I am in no way suggesting that this is what is going on in your situation, but the important part here is that my husband stuck by me and told me everyday I was beautiful and I was sexy. He always let me know that, even when I didn't believe him. One day, I finally broke and decided that if he was still here through all the shit, (the daily grind, still here after nursing me back from brain tumor surgery and months of recovery and still here after I got the MS diagnosis)that maybe he did really love me and was being honest when he'd tell me he thought I was sexy and had an amazing ass. The day I started believing him was the day our sex life changed. I haven't looked back not once -- well, until now. I am forever changed.
I am here to give you hope. If you are madly in love with her, tell her everyday. Maybe her walls will crash down too.