The New Intimacy

Are you dependent on porn?

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Contributor: christyfuntime89 christyfuntime89
Porn addiction is often labeled as "the number one addiction no one's talking about." It seems most people in my age group (the around 30 crowd) especially, can't enjoy their sex life without it. They not only depend on it when masturbating, they need it when having sex with a partner. Some of them even watch it on their phones at work!

Do you feel porn has taken over your love life? Do you see it as an absolute necessity for arousal, climaxing, etc. or is it just a "once it a while" type deal? Or perhaps you don't need it at all?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Happily Married, little sex but it's OK
1  (6%)
Soundside46 , SoloRebel , christyfuntime89 , 42Riveria42 , Asus013 , chidoll , PassionPleasure , sevennn
8  (50%)
GingerAnn , Leil@ , Swing Curious , Thelovelysexxto1 , QueenofEverything81 , Mr.Pitt
6  (38%)
iovys
1  (6%)
Total votes: 16
Poll is open
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Contributor: GingerAnn GingerAnn
Sometimes I love some good and inspiring porn to accompany my solo session - not all the times, but when the mood is right, it works like a charm.

We talk a lot about the porn we're watching, for example, this month - it's a flirty and playful conversation and a fun way for us to find out what's on each others' mind.

We've wondered who it'll feel like to watch some porn together, but we've never tried yet. We like different genres, which, I'm afraid, can be a bit of an issue. I'm guessing because I have no idea

BTW, there's also a concept about porn I find amusing - the post-porn "shame". I've had it many times, and I'm sure I'm gonna have it again. It's a feeling of shame - even shock - you experience after you're done masturbating and have an orgasm, but the porn video goes on and you glance at it. The "horny blindness" passes, and you see clearly what kind of crap you've been watching. And then you start questions yourself - am I really this gross? Why are they making these faces? How did I get here? Ah, this spiral gets me almost every time.
03/11/2019
Contributor: Leil@ Leil@
(EdenFantasys)
In my opinion, porn can be inspiring and help to improve sexual life. I watch it from time to time and sometimes can derive there new ideas, moves and techniques to spice up and diversify my sexual activity
I don't see anything bad in watching pornography until it doesn't create negative effects or become life-altering addiction.
03/11/2019
Contributor: SoloRebel SoloRebel
I wouldn't say that I'm completely dependent on it. We've watched some porn together a few times, but it's not necessary for us to get it on when we're together. I'm a lot more crazy and into porn than she is, and I most definitely prefer it when going solo !
03/13/2019
Contributor: christyfuntime89 christyfuntime89
Quote:
Originally posted by GingerAnn
Sometimes I love some good and inspiring porn to accompany my solo session - not all the times, but when the mood is right, it works like a charm.

We talk a lot about the porn we're watching, for example, this month - it's a flirty ... more
Oh yes that post-porn shame is all too real for me. And I've been watching it for a very, very long time! Sometimes I think I've become too dependent on it though. I try a solo session without it and nothing ever comes of it.

It's always so interesting to me that a lot of times what we watch in porn we would never think of doing in real life. But I guess that's thing of it-porn is fantasy. A lot of it isn't meant to be a reflection of real life or attempted in real life. The very few people I knew who decided to act on their porn fantasies greatly emphasized the disastrous impact it had on both their lives and relationships.

Thank you for your input!
03/16/2019
Contributor: christyfuntime89 christyfuntime89
Quote:
Originally posted by Leil@
In my opinion, porn can be inspiring and help to improve sexual life. I watch it from time to time and sometimes can derive there new ideas, moves and techniques to spice up and diversify my sexual activity
I don't see anything bad in ... more
I agree that there's nothing wrong with watching it, provided it doesn't create negative effects, etc. But I have noticed that so many people can't go without it, and it looks like it's starting to cause problems in people's lives. For me, being as I've never been in a relationship or had sex before, I worry that it has skewed my idea of sexuality, and maybe that's why I'm partially afraid to resume dating.

Thank you for your input!
03/16/2019
Contributor: christyfuntime89 christyfuntime89
Quote:
Originally posted by SoloRebel
I wouldn't say that I'm completely dependent on it. We've watched some porn together a few times, but it's not necessary for us to get it on when we're together. I'm a lot more crazy and into porn than she is, and I most ... more
That's good to hear you don't need it to be together. I love hearing that. I've met couples who can't get aroused unless they're watching it. There's nothing wrong with that of course until you're each watching something different and become so engrossed you forget the other person is there. Kind of defeats the purpose of being intimate with someone IMO.

Thank you for your input!
03/16/2019
Contributor: SoloRebel SoloRebel
Quote:
Originally posted by christyfuntime89
That's good to hear you don't need it to be together. I love hearing that. I've met couples who can't get aroused unless they're watching it. There's nothing wrong with that of course until you're each watching something ... more
It's definitely fun to watch together, but I agree, it can be a distraction if it's something you're both not into. However, on the other hand, it can help open the door to at least thinking about or even trying something new together. Personally, I'd rather focus on the one I'm with and put full focus on making our own "porn" and save the porn viewing marathon for my solo time !
03/23/2019
Contributor: christyfuntime89 christyfuntime89
Quote:
Originally posted by SoloRebel
It's definitely fun to watch together, but I agree, it can be a distraction if it's something you're both not into. However, on the other hand, it can help open the door to at least thinking about or even trying something new together. ... more
I agree...best bet to focus on making your "own porn" with your partner and save porn viewing for solo. That way you're both focused on each other.

Don't know if I ever mentioned this to anyone but I was on a date once and right in the middle of dinner, at a restaurant, my date starts looking at porn. What the heck!? Why would you...do that on a date? In public? Has that ever happened to anyone else?

03/24/2019
Contributor: SoloRebel SoloRebel
Quote:
Originally posted by christyfuntime89
I agree...best bet to focus on making your "own porn" with your partner and save porn viewing for solo. That way you're both focused on each other.

Don't know if I ever mentioned this to anyone but I was on a date once and ... more
WOW...that’s definitely not the time or place IMO! It’s never happened to me with anyone I was with. I wonder at that point if it’s an addiction or they just don’t care and have no situational awareness....show some restraint! Don’t they know to save the porn for the clothes-free, experimental, solo play sessions ?
03/26/2019
Contributor: christyfuntime89 christyfuntime89
Quote:
Originally posted by SoloRebel
WOW...that’s definitely not the time or place IMO! It’s never happened to me with anyone I was with. I wonder at that point if it’s an addiction or they just don’t care and have no situational awareness....show some restraint! Don’t they know to save ... more
I know, right!? And people wonder I'm scared to resume dating. These were the type of guys I'd attract. Scary!

Where are all the normal (and by "normal" I mean my type of normal) guys!?
03/30/2019
Contributor: SoloRebel SoloRebel
Quote:
Originally posted by christyfuntime89
I know, right!? And people wonder I'm scared to resume dating. These were the type of guys I'd attract. Scary!

Where are all the normal (and by "normal" I mean my type of normal) guys!?
I'm sure they're out there...just gotta be patient and find them. Where and how are you looking?
04/09/2019
Contributor: Asus013 Asus013
Watching porn with my wife seems like cheating. I feel more guilt than i do pleasure when watching porn together. My wife is hot and I definitely dont want her thinking im getting hard because of the other women/men instead of her.
But i love watching porn other times. I think it gives me ideas to try in the bedroom and things to fantasize about doing with my wife
04/11/2019
Contributor: christyfuntime89 christyfuntime89
Quote:
Originally posted by SoloRebel
I'm sure they're out there...just gotta be patient and find them. Where and how are you looking?
I'm looking mostly online. I don't really know where else to look?
There's not a lot of options in my town. And none of my friends have anyone they can set me up with. Pretty much everyone is in a relationship.
04/12/2019
Contributor: christyfuntime89 christyfuntime89
Quote:
Originally posted by Asus013
Watching porn with my wife seems like cheating. I feel more guilt than i do pleasure when watching porn together. My wife is hot and I definitely dont want her thinking im getting hard because of the other women/men instead of her.
But i love ... more
Thanks for replying, I appreciate it.
I understand that. It's nice to know that you feel that way to be honest. A lot of people don't seem to notice their partners anymore, they're only concerned with what they see in porn.
04/12/2019
Contributor: Happily Married, little sex but it's OK Happily Married, little sex but it's OK
I voted "Almost dependent"

I could easily have sex with my wife and never look at porn, but she's just not very sexual. She loves her IPhone, Instagram, her dog, being a Mom (we have teenagers), her SUV...very typical housewife

And before I get suggestions - I've already tried everything (spicing up), I make all the money so she's not tired from working in and out of the house, I keep myself fit...I listen, give massages.

Sometimes you end up with a person who's not that sexual. And I won't cheat - so...porn it is.
04/22/2019
Contributor: SoloRebel SoloRebel
Quote:
Originally posted by christyfuntime89
I'm looking mostly online. I don't really know where else to look?
There's not a lot of options in my town. And none of my friends have anyone they can set me up with. Pretty much everyone is in a relationship.
Well keep looking...give it time, stay positive and enjoy yourself!
04/24/2019
Contributor: christyfuntime89 christyfuntime89
Quote:
Originally posted by Happily Married, little sex but it's OK
I voted "Almost dependent"

I could easily have sex with my wife and never look at porn, but she's just not very sexual. She loves her IPhone, Instagram, her dog, being a Mom (we have teenagers), her SUV...very typical ... more
Hi there, thank you for taking the time to respond.
I am sorry to hear that about your sex life. But it does sound like you're in a loving relationship, and that's good.

Is it too personal to ask if it was always like that? Or has it just changed in recent years? Did things start out sexual then change? If it's too invasive you don't have to respond.
06/02/2019
Contributor: christyfuntime89 christyfuntime89
Quote:
Originally posted by SoloRebel
Well keep looking...give it time, stay positive and enjoy yourself!
Thank you, I'll try!
06/02/2019
Contributor: Happily Married, little sex but it's OK Happily Married, little sex but it's OK
Quote:
Originally posted by christyfuntime89
Hi there, thank you for taking the time to respond.
I am sorry to hear that about your sex life. But it does sound like you're in a loving relationship, and that's good.

Is it too personal to ask if it was always like that? Or has ... more
I suppose it was always like this but I didn't notice - we got together at 18 & I worked & was in the Military all through University & Grad school, so the sex was only when we could find the time. Then we had kids...blah blah blah ...flash forward & we've been together for 27 years

Seems like there was always a reason & finally it dawned on me - that's just who she is.

#shrug

Amazing person whom I'm lucky to be with - there are some really "interesting" characters out there whom I'm sure I'm more sexually compatible with, but after I finish I'm not sure I'd want the rest of the package.

What can you do....

Oh right - I can watch porn & use sex toys, then enjoy the hell out of the rest of my life. ;>
06/15/2019
Contributor: Leil@ Leil@
(EdenFantasys)
Quote:
Originally posted by Happily Married, little sex but it's OK
I suppose it was always like this but I didn't notice - we got together at 18 & I worked & was in the Military all through University & Grad school, so the sex was only when we could find the time. Then we had kids...blah blah blah ... more
I'm happy for you that despite you don't get enough sex from your wife, you still find she is an amazing person and are faithful to her. This deserves great respect!

May I ask, have you ever discuss this problem with your wife? There has to be a reason for her low sex drive. I understand 27 years is a long term, and it is quite hard to change settled order, but I believe it's never too late. Both of you will win if you manage to make your sex life more exciting and regular.

By the way, do you use sex toys only for solo sessions, or there is a place for them in your sexual activities with your wife?
06/21/2019
Contributor: Leil@ Leil@
(EdenFantasys)
Has anybody ever watched porn with your friends? I mean not sexual partners, just friends.

I knew there are some people who watch porn sometimes with friends just for fun. And it is weird for me, why watch porn if you are not going to have sex together?
06/27/2019
Contributor: Millener Millener
Currently attempting the nofaps. That is not masturbating and not watching porn. It is VERY tough, especially being single. Not sure if I can pull it through though since my sleep is very disturbed due to general excitement. When I come across a picture or clip of a naked woman (which I occassionally intently do), libido goes to the moon.

While having a partner however, I do not even want to watch porn, since it reduces the intensity of sex due to lowered libido. Also it feels like betraying her.
06/27/2019
Contributor: Soundside46 Soundside46
I have been (a long time ago) with a group of people at a party and somebody popped in a porno. Everyone watched and made comments. It was kind of odd. Won't do that again.
06/27/2019
Contributor: Happily Married, little sex but it's OK Happily Married, little sex but it's OK
Quote:
Originally posted by Leil@
I'm happy for you that despite you don't get enough sex from your wife, you still find she is an amazing person and are faithful to her. This deserves great respect!

May I ask, have you ever discuss this problem with your wife? There ... more
Yes - we are very open about our sex life and the gap between us, starting at a young age 27 years ago

Early on I was very interested in what makes her tick - as many women do she needs a "transition" away from the day to day to get in the mood, and she also enjoys oral more than everything else (by a country mile).

So I learned how to give a great massage (had books lying around for technique and everything)

So our sex life, for her anyway, is a 45 minute massage followed by 15-20 minutes of oral pleasure.

My interests, being a much more sexual person, are considerably more in depth and variable. But we usually just have sex for 5 minutes after that (it's all i can handle after rubbing and licking her body).

re: toys - We have some for her and I have a lot for me, but let's just say they rarely get used with both of us. I personally love them - purchased many here and will continue to do so.

tis what it tis....
06/29/2019
Contributor: Leil@ Leil@
(EdenFantasys)
Quote:
Originally posted by Happily Married, little sex but it's OK
Yes - we are very open about our sex life and the gap between us, starting at a young age 27 years ago

Early on I was very interested in what makes her tick - as many women do she needs a "transition" away from the day to day to get ... more
I see...I think your wife is very lucky to have such faithful, understanding and devoted husband like you!
07/02/2019
Contributor: Leil@ Leil@
(EdenFantasys)
Quote:
Originally posted by Soundside46
I have been (a long time ago) with a group of people at a party and somebody popped in a porno. Everyone watched and made comments. It was kind of odd. Won't do that again.
Agree with you. I think it is not a very exciting experience too
07/02/2019