So... This starts few months ago. First of all, a bit of background story:
I am a man and I don't have a girlfriend/wife nor a crush. I have things for Milf porn and watch mostly only of it. Also read literotica and hentai. Used to masturbate like once per day but recently been doing more because of a... problem...
In most of the scenario featuring a Milf, the women will always cheat on her boyfriend/husband. Wether its on porn video or porn story or porn comic. Like 90% of those are cheating women. I usually ignore this part of the scenario but it does bothers me. Up until 3 months ago I was fine until I feel fed up by it.
Within this 3 months am starting to become more and more bothered by the "adultery" part. I am starting to wonder why am I "aroused" by the adultery?
Well I can't exactly call it aroused, recently I can't really enjoy porn as much as I did before. Its more like I am feeling "something" IN my dick when I watch/read adulterous women porn. I don't know what is that feeling, the closest example I can give is as if feeling my groin is being grapped roughly for a long time. Uncomfortable
But if I feel something there, that means am turned on right?
Now, this may be a bit cringy, but my "Heart" does not like it. Nor my mind apparently. You see, I am sure many men once ever wonder if they are gay, I did at least... And the way for me to find out if I am gay/Bi/Straight was by forcing myself to jerk off to 2 different gay porns!
I did traumatize myself from it but it does helps me realize I am not into gay.
I tried the same with this one. I wonder if I am a cuckold and force myself to jerk off to a cuckold porn video and stories. The "reaction" was actually more brutal than the reaction I have when I force myself to watch gay porn. My chest felt really heavy and my head starts to hurts, I feel like vomitting several times and angers just keep trying to crawl up to the surface. regardless to, say I quickly change the material.
The difference is, when forcing myself to jerk off to the Gay porn, I find it hard to maintain my erection. It was fine with the adulterous porn. And after forcing myself to jerk off to gay porn helps me to realize I am not into it. I am still not convinced if I am not into it after forcing myself to jerk off to the adulterous porn.
When I watch/read non adulterous porn, my dick feels liberated, when I watch/read adulterous porn it feels uncomfortable but also more intense.
I don't like adulterous porn but why is my body reacting to it? and is it really arousal I feel or what? It feels different than when watching/read non adulterous porn. But if I feel something in my dick, it must be arousal right?
I don't have a girlfriend/wife so I can exactly confirm but I don't think I want them to cheat on me but thats what my "Heart" and "Mind" want. What about my "Body"? I am aware that what body and feelings can react differently and therefore am very confused.
I actually got an OCD out of this and force myself to jerk off to porn I personally don't like several times. The reaction differs, sometimes I don't feel as bad as the first time I tried it. Sometimes, I do. I...I don't get it.
Well, not several times. More like 3-4 times but they are mostly horrible experience. This also makes me need to check out porn more than 7 times in a day sometimes. I just feel like I need to figure this out. And it always ends with me having more question.
Its like my arousal is triggered by adulterous women but I can't maintain it with adulterous women...Thats just weird. I sometimes even ask, when I am not feeling anything when I watch/read adulterous woman porn if its just me forcing myself to not feel anything. But I also asked if my OCD is the one influenting the "arousal" I feel when I watch/read those porn and not my actual feeling.
Its just weird, I don't understand anymore. How could I be sure I like it? How could I be sure I don't like it. Why am I even reacting to it if I don't like it.
TLDR: I don't like cheating wife/cuckold video and cannot get off from it but my body reacts to it more intense than normal porn. Am I just being in denial?
Help me sort my thoughts?.
I am a man and I don't have a girlfriend/wife nor a crush. I have things for Milf porn and watch mostly only of it. Also read literotica and hentai. Used to masturbate like once per day but recently been doing more because of a... problem...
In most of the scenario featuring a Milf, the women will always cheat on her boyfriend/husband. Wether its on porn video or porn story or porn comic. Like 90% of those are cheating women. I usually ignore this part of the scenario but it does bothers me. Up until 3 months ago I was fine until I feel fed up by it.
Within this 3 months am starting to become more and more bothered by the "adultery" part. I am starting to wonder why am I "aroused" by the adultery?
Well I can't exactly call it aroused, recently I can't really enjoy porn as much as I did before. Its more like I am feeling "something" IN my dick when I watch/read adulterous women porn. I don't know what is that feeling, the closest example I can give is as if feeling my groin is being grapped roughly for a long time. Uncomfortable
But if I feel something there, that means am turned on right?
Now, this may be a bit cringy, but my "Heart" does not like it. Nor my mind apparently. You see, I am sure many men once ever wonder if they are gay, I did at least... And the way for me to find out if I am gay/Bi/Straight was by forcing myself to jerk off to 2 different gay porns!
I did traumatize myself from it but it does helps me realize I am not into gay.
I tried the same with this one. I wonder if I am a cuckold and force myself to jerk off to a cuckold porn video and stories. The "reaction" was actually more brutal than the reaction I have when I force myself to watch gay porn. My chest felt really heavy and my head starts to hurts, I feel like vomitting several times and angers just keep trying to crawl up to the surface. regardless to, say I quickly change the material.
The difference is, when forcing myself to jerk off to the Gay porn, I find it hard to maintain my erection. It was fine with the adulterous porn. And after forcing myself to jerk off to gay porn helps me to realize I am not into it. I am still not convinced if I am not into it after forcing myself to jerk off to the adulterous porn.
When I watch/read non adulterous porn, my dick feels liberated, when I watch/read adulterous porn it feels uncomfortable but also more intense.
I don't like adulterous porn but why is my body reacting to it? and is it really arousal I feel or what? It feels different than when watching/read non adulterous porn. But if I feel something in my dick, it must be arousal right?
I don't have a girlfriend/wife so I can exactly confirm but I don't think I want them to cheat on me but thats what my "Heart" and "Mind" want. What about my "Body"? I am aware that what body and feelings can react differently and therefore am very confused.
I actually got an OCD out of this and force myself to jerk off to porn I personally don't like several times. The reaction differs, sometimes I don't feel as bad as the first time I tried it. Sometimes, I do. I...I don't get it.
Well, not several times. More like 3-4 times but they are mostly horrible experience. This also makes me need to check out porn more than 7 times in a day sometimes. I just feel like I need to figure this out. And it always ends with me having more question.
Its like my arousal is triggered by adulterous women but I can't maintain it with adulterous women...Thats just weird. I sometimes even ask, when I am not feeling anything when I watch/read adulterous woman porn if its just me forcing myself to not feel anything. But I also asked if my OCD is the one influenting the "arousal" I feel when I watch/read those porn and not my actual feeling.
Its just weird, I don't understand anymore. How could I be sure I like it? How could I be sure I don't like it. Why am I even reacting to it if I don't like it.
TLDR: I don't like cheating wife/cuckold video and cannot get off from it but my body reacts to it more intense than normal porn. Am I just being in denial?
Help me sort my thoughts?.
