I've been with two guys who didn't like giving oral sex. Two. Outta...I have no clue. Most of them love it. They love the smell, the taste, all of it (which is wayyy more fun!). My momma always told me if a guy doesn't like going down on me, I should get a better guy. haha

That being said, my current partner and I have an unspoken agreement that we both prefer the other to be showered before oral (although, it isn't a law. just a preference).

If you don't have other partners, well then...sweetie, before you settle down I highly suggest you experience oral! It's...mmm. If he isn't in to it, there may be a reason. It only takes one bad experience to ruin someone. But if a guy pulled away from me for getting wet...my interest would be seriously lowered in them!

You shouldn't be ashamed of your body. Ever. The human body is beautiful and fascinating and your partner should make you feel that way! less

My partner and I have been together for about 4 years and only recently has it really started to bother me that he does not perform oral sex on me. I perform oral sex quite often on him, I really enjoy it, and he's never had to ask, to be honest I usually have to practically beg him to let me (he has a much lower drive than me). I've talked to him about it a few times but he just won't do it, he won't use his hands to pleasure me either. He's only tried once he instantly pulled away with a look of almost disgust on his face because I get very wet when I am aroused. Naturally this has made my a little ashamed of my body, in my opinion I don't taste or smell bad but I haven't had any other partners so I don't really have anyone to ask. I was curious about everyone's thoughts on this are because I need some other opinions and thoughts. He tells me that I'm not the only one, that he doesn't like doing it for anyone but I still feel hurt... less

Not a whole lot of sex-positivity running through this thread, I'm kind of shocked at some of the reactions so far.

Not wanting to go down on a chick doesn't make someone a pussy, nor does it automatically make them suspect to being gay. I once knew a man who self-identified as gay and had a huge, huge problem with the actual ejaculate portion of the deal.

People can get hung up on things for a variety of reasons.

Maybe, there was an older person in his life who made comments about how oral is dirty or nasty or maybe it's so intimate for him that it seems really scary.

Maybe, he's heard one too many stories about girls laughing at inexperienced men not being able to get the girl off and he fears the risk of failure and rejection.

Maybe, he knows nothing about the way the female body works and could use a little instruction here and there, but the one thing for certain is that you need to communicate with each other.

No one deserves to sit in silence and suffer a mediocre sex life. It should be fun, exciting, and as adventurous as both parties are comfortable with. And all matters like this should be handled delicately in accordance to the natural cadence of your relationship. less

I have a partner that had much the same issues as yours does. He was intimidated by the thought of performing oral sex, the different smells were overpowering for him...not because they were bad but because they were POWERFUL. They made him feel things he was unready to feel and he needed LOTS of time to get over his aversion. For some men the feeling of touching a woman makes them feel powerfully aggressive or the opposite and it makes them feel powerfully submissive. These feelings can be mixed up with the smell and texture of the fluids to a point where the poor guy just wants to avoid all mention of the act.

Now if he truly doesn't like touching or tasting a woman there may be more going on here and perhaps some counselling might be in order. Let's face it sex is wet and messy and some people just have to kind of get over their desire for it to remain dry and sanitary!

I do NOT recommend leaving him, but I do recommend some real conversations and possibly some couples counselling. You should WANT to touch your partner and touching is one of the best ways we have as humans to help us bond.

It is worth it to work on this Bex, my guy is one of the best lovers I have ever had even if he really needs me to be just out of the shower clean! He loves to wash me and "prepare" me for his pleasure and it has become a sort of foreplay between us. We spent a few years getting to this point, though, so don't give up. Do ask him what about your body that he finds problematic and see if there's some way to overcome the problems. For us it was some really good tasting flavored love gel ( I recommend the System Jo water based lubes). A water based lube can feel like a woman's secretions and he can let it play on his hands getting used to the feel without the heady womanly aroma. Besides it'll actually be goopier than a woman so he'll actually get relief playing with you!
Associating the taste of you with a favorite flavor doesn't mean you are AWFUL smelling or tasting, it just takes the pressure off and allows him to explore you in a less threatening way.

Also invest in some really great massage oils/lotions and ask him to rub you down. It will help you bond and he can show how much he loves you through touch. If he is unwilling even to do this then I would seriously suggest some counselling.

I wish you both the very best, and I'm here if you just need someone to vent to! less

Yeah, maybe. But he needs to communicate that to his girlfriend of four years if that is the problem instead of letting her suffer body image issues, insecurities, frustration and dissatisfaction. If you have a hang up that prevents you from being a good partner to your lover, then you need to get that taken care of before you inflict your issues on someone else. I subscribe to the Dan Savage view of partners refusing to give something as basic as oral sex in a relationship where it clearly is important to the other person--save yourself from the long, drawn out, painful disaster of a relationship, end it, and find someone who will satisfy your needs. That's it. It's not easy, especially in a long term relationship, but if all other avenues have failed, then maybe it's time to move one.

Sorry Stormy, you might think I'm being "sex negative," but I'm only being honest about what MY thoughts are regarding the situation. I can't stand selfish lovers, and I have little sympathy for people who treat their partner like they are disgusting because of how their body functions. And a man who won't finger his girlfriend, wont't go down on her, thinks her arousal is gross, and has to be begged to receive head from her, could very well be in the closet. Just like the possibilities you listed, I said MAYBE that's a possibility, not "that must mean he's gay!" I dated a guy who, not too surprisingly in retrospect, came out as gay after our relationship ended, and there were plenty of signs--I was too concerned with not stereotyping him to be honest with myself about it. It's too bad I didn't face the facts sooner; I could have saved myself a lot of grief.

I'm sorry if my language is harsh, but I feel strongly about this. He either needs to man up and talk openly with her about his hang-ups so they can see if some agreement can be worked towards, or they need to go their separate ways. less

Just sayin' that may be how you would handle it but that may not be the best way for her to handle it. I think we all have different approaches and I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts there is an issue of inexperience here, not an outright disgust.

She has just as much responsibility to ask for the things she wants in this relationship and to stress the importance of being mutually satisfied. Communication issues are never a one-way street. less

Not a whole lot of sex-positivity running through this thread, I'm kind of shocked at some of the reactions so far.

Not wanting to go down on a chick doesn't make someone a pussy, nor does it automatically make them suspect to being gay. I once knew a man who self-identified as gay and had a huge, huge problem with the actual ejaculate portion of the deal.

People can get hung up on things for a variety of reasons.

Maybe, there was an older person in his life who made comments about how oral is dirty or nasty or maybe it's so intimate for him that it seems really scary.

Maybe, he's heard one too many stories about girls laughing at inexperienced men not being able to get the girl off and he fears the risk of failure and rejection.

Maybe, he knows nothing about the way the female body works and could use a little instruction here and there, but the one thing for certain is that you need to communicate with each other.

No one deserves to sit in silence and suffer a mediocre sex life. It should be fun, exciting, and as adventurous as both parties are comfortable with. And all matters like this should be handled delicately in accordance to the natural cadence of your relationship. less

I have a partner that had much the same issues as yours does. He was intimidated by the thought of performing oral sex, the different smells were overpowering for him...not because they were bad but because they were POWERFUL. They made him feel things he was unready to feel and he needed LOTS of time to get over his aversion. For some men the feeling of touching a woman makes them feel powerfully aggressive or the opposite and it makes them feel powerfully submissive. These feelings can be mixed up with the smell and texture of the fluids to a point where the poor guy just wants to avoid all mention of the act.

Now if he truly doesn't like touching or tasting a woman there may be more going on here and perhaps some counselling might be in order. Let's face it sex is wet and messy and some people just have to kind of get over their desire for it to remain dry and sanitary!

I do NOT recommend leaving him, but I do recommend some real conversations and possibly some couples counselling. You should WANT to touch your partner and touching is one of the best ways we have as humans to help us bond.

It is worth it to work on this Bex, my guy is one of the best lovers I have ever had even if he really needs me to be just out of the shower clean! He loves to wash me and "prepare" me for his pleasure and it has become a sort of foreplay between us. We spent a few years getting to this point, though, so don't give up. Do ask him what about your body that he finds problematic and see if there's some way to overcome the problems. For us it was some really good tasting flavored love gel ( I recommend the System Jo water based lubes). A water based lube can feel like a woman's secretions and he can let it play on his hands getting used to the feel without the heady womanly aroma. Besides it'll actually be goopier than a woman so he'll actually get relief playing with you!
Associating the taste of you with a favorite flavor doesn't mean you are AWFUL smelling or tasting, it just takes the pressure off and allows him to explore you in a less threatening way.

Also invest in some really great massage oils/lotions and ask him to rub you down. It will help you bond and he can show how much he loves you through touch. If he is unwilling even to do this then I would seriously suggest some counselling.

I wish you both the very best, and I'm here if you just need someone to vent to! less

My partner and I have been together for about 4 years and only recently has it really started to bother me that he does not perform oral sex on me. I perform oral sex quite often on him, I really enjoy it, and he's never had to ask, to be honest I usually have to practically beg him to let me (he has a much lower drive than me). I've talked to him about it a few times but he just won't do it, he won't use his hands to pleasure me either. He's only tried once he instantly pulled away with a look of almost disgust on his face because I get very wet when I am aroused. Naturally this has made my a little ashamed of my body, in my opinion I don't taste or smell bad but I haven't had any other partners so I don't really have anyone to ask. I was curious about everyone's thoughts on this are because I need some other opinions and thoughts. He tells me that I'm not the only one, that he doesn't like doing it for anyone but I still feel hurt... less

My partner and I have been together for about 4 years and only recently has it really started to bother me that he does not perform oral sex on me. I perform oral sex quite often on him, I really enjoy it, and he's never had to ask, to be honest I usually have to practically beg him to let me (he has a much lower drive than me). I've talked to him about it a few times but he just won't do it, he won't use his hands to pleasure me either. He's only tried once he instantly pulled away with a look of almost disgust on his face because I get very wet when I am aroused. Naturally this has made my a little ashamed of my body, in my opinion I don't taste or smell bad but I haven't had any other partners so I don't really have anyone to ask. I was curious about everyone's thoughts on this are because I need some other opinions and thoughts. He tells me that I'm not the only one, that he doesn't like doing it for anyone but I still feel hurt... less

My partner and I have been together for about 4 years and only recently has it really started to bother me that he does not perform oral sex on me. I perform oral sex quite often on him, I really enjoy it, and he's never had to ask, to be honest I usually have to practically beg him to let me (he has a much lower drive than me). I've talked to him about it a few times but he just won't do it, he won't use his hands to pleasure me either. He's only tried once he instantly pulled away with a look of almost disgust on his face because I get very wet when I am aroused. Naturally this has made my a little ashamed of my body, in my opinion I don't taste or smell bad but I haven't had any other partners so I don't really have anyone to ask. I was curious about everyone's thoughts on this are because I need some other opinions and thoughts. He tells me that I'm not the only one, that he doesn't like doing it for anyone but I still feel hurt... less

My partner and I have been together for about 4 years and only recently has it really started to bother me that he does not perform oral sex on me. I perform oral sex quite often on him, I really enjoy it, and he's never had to ask, to be honest I usually have to practically beg him to let me (he has a much lower drive than me). I've talked to him about it a few times but he just won't do it, he won't use his hands to pleasure me either. He's only tried once he instantly pulled away with a look of almost disgust on his face because I get very wet when I am aroused. Naturally this has made my a little ashamed of my body, in my opinion I don't taste or smell bad but I haven't had any other partners so I don't really have anyone to ask. I was curious about everyone's thoughts on this are because I need some other opinions and thoughts. He tells me that I'm not the only one, that he doesn't like doing it for anyone but I still feel hurt... less

My partner and I have been together for about 4 years and only recently has it really started to bother me that he does not perform oral sex on me. I perform oral sex quite often on him, I really enjoy it, and he's never had to ask, to be honest I usually have to practically beg him to let me (he has a much lower drive than me). I've talked to him about it a few times but he just won't do it, he won't use his hands to pleasure me either. He's only tried once he instantly pulled away with a look of almost disgust on his face because I get very wet when I am aroused. Naturally this has made my a little ashamed of my body, in my opinion I don't taste or smell bad but I haven't had any other partners so I don't really have anyone to ask. I was curious about everyone's thoughts on this are because I need some other opinions and thoughts. He tells me that I'm not the only one, that he doesn't like doing it for anyone but I still feel hurt... less

My partner and I have been together for about 4 years and only recently has it really started to bother me that he does not perform oral sex on me. I perform oral sex quite often on him, I really enjoy it, and he's never had to ask, to be honest I usually have to practically beg him to let me (he has a much lower drive than me). I've talked to him about it a few times but he just won't do it, he won't use his hands to pleasure me either. He's only tried once he instantly pulled away with a look of almost disgust on his face because I get very wet when I am aroused. Naturally this has made my a little ashamed of my body, in my opinion I don't taste or smell bad but I haven't had any other partners so I don't really have anyone to ask. I was curious about everyone's thoughts on this are because I need some other opinions and thoughts. He tells me that I'm not the only one, that he doesn't like doing it for anyone but I still feel hurt... less