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Oral Sex; only about 4 times in 5 years!?

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Contributor: *Ashley* *Ashley*
For some reason he doesn't like going down on me. Guess it's not his 'thing'?
I've asked him multiple times if it was because of me? Maybe I smelled or tasted bad or something, and he has always said no. I even clarified that I wouldn't be mad at him if he said it was, and I could fix it. He's always reinsured me that it isn't me. Maybe he is scared he wont do it right, maybe he just doesn't like doing it. I never really seem to get a straight answer. I would love to receive oral sex and have some foreplay.
Now, I used to always give him BJ's. I thought I was just spoiling him. So, I slowly stopped; thinking I'd get some. Nope. It would just never happen. I love giving him BJ's and pleasing him. And some days I think he deserves one. On the other hand I NEVER get mine. He's only been down on me like 4, maybe 5, times our whole relationship; going on 6 years this July.

I just don't know what to do. Any advice? Experiences you want to share? Maybe an item that might help. Thanks for your time everyone!

Note: I do know getting him drunk sometimes helps, but thats it.
03/25/2011
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Contributor: GingerAnn GingerAnn
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03/25/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
I need to be completely honest. I wouldn't stay with a man whom I was not totally sexually compatible with. I've refused dates after sex with guys who wouldn't go down. Oral sex is such an important part of sexuality, I can't live without it.

There are enough guys more than happy to do it. It's a normal part of most people's sex lives. If there was something I wanted from a man, and he refused, I'd do some serious thinking about what ELSE he wouldn't do, sexually or otherwise, and WHY he doesn't want to make me happy.

For years, the only way I could have an orgasm was with oral sex, so I could never be with a man who wouldn't do it.

JMO.

Your mileage may vary.

You can't "make" him, but you can change your circumstance to fit what YOU deserve.
03/25/2011
Contributor: liilii080 liilii080
It sounds like you have talked to him about it, he knows of the problem, and isn't taking steps to compromise with you. It might be worth it to try couples counseling. If he won't give you a straight answer, maybe a therapist can help the 2 of you get to the bottom of what is really going on. This is a hard situation because you don't want to nag and at the same time you have a need that it going unmet and could lead to resentment. I think a therapist could help you walk that line too.

If he isn't open to counseling or it doesn't seem to change the situation, I think you have to decide if you can live without oral sex, or maybe consider a more open style of relationship to meet that need, or invest in a Sasi, or decide if oralsex is so important you need to move on from him.

Good luck and I hope you are both able to find a happy medium.
03/25/2011
Contributor: KnK KnK
Quote:
Originally posted by *Ashley*
For some reason he doesn't like going down on me. Guess it's not his 'thing'?
I've asked him multiple times if it was because of me? Maybe I smelled or tasted bad or something, and he has always said no. I even clarified that I ... more
I'd be offended. Of course, out of the men I've been with (the only 2), they've been obsessed with giving oral. The first one was horrible about it and scratched me (OUCH!!!) but at least he tried.

You might just flat out have to ask him why he isn't giving you oral. It would bother me and it surely seems to be bothering you. :/
03/27/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Even though receiving oral isn't very important for me physically, it sure wouldn't reflect well on a sex partner if he refused to go down. I am instinctively very selfless, and I learned early on that if I let myself fall for a selfish partner, I would get taken advantage of (outside of the sexual realm).

Given that you've spent the last 5+ years without oral, perhaps it's not the actual feeling itself that you miss, so much as some confirmation that your boyfriend cares about you and wants to make you happy? Whether it's that, or that you miss the actual physical stimulation-since you've already expressed to him how important this is to you and he hasn't given any effort (or a reasonable reason that he can't put out the effort), maybe it is time to see a couples' counselor. Your boyfriend needs to understand that compromise and working so that you're both showing each other that you care is necessary.

Good luck, Ashley. Let me know if you need someone to talk to.
03/28/2011
Contributor: ATL Freak ATL Freak
thats one of the only things that I can orgasm from. Luckily, my hubby LOVES to do it ....
03/28/2011
Contributor: lick123 lick123
tough question. maybe watch porn together, videos where the man is going down and see if that is a turn on to him. maybe play with flavored lubes. or just start slow for foreplay only, not to bring to orgasm, which can take a little long. Good luck.
04/10/2011
Contributor: Lithaewyn Lithaewyn
Tell him directly that you want to have oral more often. I doubt it, but there's always the chance that he's not getting the hint. Some people need more direct communication.
04/10/2011
Contributor: Spilock Spilock
I second what Lithaewyn said. If he still just doesn't want too though, explain how it's hurting the relationship by not compromising with each others needs. If that doesn't work, I suppose you could always fall back to counseling.
04/11/2011
Contributor: oneeyedoctopus oneeyedoctopus
People seem to think oral sex should be an even trade, but I've never thought it was fair to ask him to do something he doesn't really enjoy in exchange for something I really enjoy doing.
05/19/2013