For me, it's not about toys, it's about timing and the setting. The last two times I had an orgasm via oral from my wife were times when we had been sexual that day or the day before and I had not climaxed. ( not unusual these days ) So when she came home from work, or from other activities and I was feeling horny, I simply asked if she would pleasure me. At the time there was no thought of her pleasure, only mine, which is a very uncommon scenario for us. Because I had been fantasizing about the possibility for a while, my arousal was much higher than it would normally be, just starting from scratch. In both instances, she was able to make me orgasm, within a fairly short period of time, and the orgasm was intense. There have been times where she has included some back door stimulation, though no p-spot action, and it was pleasurable, but a bit distracting for me.
I have been historically slow to orgasm from oral, though I enjoy it dry much. As long as my partner is willing to do it, and not make it seem like a chore I can probably orgasm from it. No enthusiasm or bad technique is a downer for sure. Thankfully my wife enjoys it and I am glad to give her the same, as I adore giving her oral as well.