The New Intimacy

Problems...please help. (Female)

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Contributor: emiliaa emiliaa
I can NOT orgasm during sex or when anyone else is doing anything to me. I have to be on my side and rubbing my clit. (Sometimes it works if my partner does the rubbing for me when I'm laying like that, but only sometimes.) I think the reason this happened is because I was alone and masturbating for almost 5 years straight, every night, and I happened to lay on my side most of the time.

I really need help. It's making me miserable and I know my partner feels like a failure because of it. What can I do to reverse whatever damage I did?
06/14/2011
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Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
First make sure your partner knows it isn't them and they're not a failure. Then you can try bringing yourself to orgasm in different positions while you masturbate. Start out in the position you like, then when it starts to feel really good, change it a little. Nothing drastic, but enough that you have to build it back up. Once you think you've got a hold of it on your own, reintroduce your partner to it, or incorporate them the whole time.
06/14/2011
Contributor: emiliaa emiliaa
I definitely kept on trying and trying today. It started to take way too long and much more effort, and my arm isn't long enough to reach it very well when I'm laying on my back and not curled up. Sooo I gave up. ): I can't even get it to happen in different positions when masturbating. I'm hoping I'll get used to it from having sex on my back so often and eventually cum during sex.
06/15/2011
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
I had issues with this too a while back. I could only orgasm in one position (on my back), but now I can orgasm in many.

The trick is...practice, masturbate in many different positions, use sex toys to help you, to make it easier for you. The more you do it the easier it will be to orgasm in different positions with your partner.
06/15/2011
Contributor: emiliaa emiliaa
I'm just worried if I make myself cum in those positions with toys or help, I won't be able to do it unless it's done EXACTLY the same.
Do you think just having an orgasm in that position will help me have them in that position more often, even if using different methods?
06/15/2011
Contributor: emiliaa emiliaa
I am sorry to repost this. But I haven't had any success, whatsoever. Someone please help? :/ I can't have a vaginal orgasm no matter what I do ,either...
06/23/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by emiliaa
I am sorry to repost this. But I haven't had any success, whatsoever. Someone please help? :/ I can't have a vaginal orgasm no matter what I do ,either...
Things like this might end up taking a lot longer than just a week. I would keep trying and try to relax. Don't put so much pressure on yourself for it to happen, just try to let it happen. Rather than trying a completely different position, take up your curled up position and then straighten your legs out. When you can do it on your side with straight legs, try for another position. But no matter what, you should keep trying. Things like this didn't happen overnight, and trying to change it won't either.
06/23/2011
Contributor: CuteDee CuteDee
= ( I can never cum when I masterbate! However, I can cum while having sex but ONLY if Im rubbing or using a vibe on my clit. Doggy style works best for me so maybe try having sex that way and rubbing your clit. You can also lay on your side and have sex and rub your clit. Then work up to new positions! Good luck!
06/23/2011
Contributor: Wild Orchid Wild Orchid
Learning a new masturbation technique can be a difficult and lengthy process. The most important thing is not to let that frustrate you. When solo-sex becomes a chore it looses it's appeal - same as any other kind of sex.

There are different ways to learn a new way to come. One has been described - widening the path. It's adding some small changes over time. The other is stepping off the path. You start with your technique, get wet and then try something new. If your arousal starts to decrease you go back to your old way. Bring the arousal back up and switch to trying the new technique. Back and forth until you decide to have an orgasm (or the last orgasm for those multi-orgasmic). There is a modification of that method that says to start with a new technique, keep at it for a set amount of time (say 10 minutes) and then finish using the reliable method. During those 10 minutes you don't focus on getting to orgasm but on finding new, pleasurable sensations, trying out different moves, experimenting with muscle tension, breath etc.

Resources:
First Time Orgasm
Learning a new masturbation technique
06/30/2011