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Need help - wife cannot orgasm with toys

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Contributor: Dr. M Dr. M
Hi all,

I'm new to the use of toys, and being a guy who is about to pass my 14th wedding anniversary I've decided to take things in the bedroom to a new level.

We recently got a Hitachi wand as our 1st toy, and while my wife enjoys me using it with her, she can't climax with the toy. She gets to the very edge, and it starts to tickle her rather than feel as good as it did before she reached that point. I've done everything up to and including putting socks (yes, really) over the head of the wand.

I also just bought a g spot vibrator and a c-ring from this site today in the hopes of trying a few other things

Your suggestions and help would be greatly appreciated!
09/03/2010
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Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Dr. M
Hi all,

I'm new to the use of toys, and being a guy who is about to pass my 14th wedding anniversary I've decided to take things in the bedroom to a new level.

We recently got a Hitachi wand as our 1st toy, and while my wife ... more
Sounds like she is starting off with the vibrations too high and the nerves of her clitoris are shutting down. This is the numbing effect that reviewers talk about. What might help is trying a variable speed vibrator and starting off with a low speed and less intense vibration and building up. Something like link because it has the power if she needs that and it also has deeper less buzzy vibes. She needs to relax and experiment to see what will work for her. As long as she can have a satisfying orgasm without toys there isn't a dire need for her to have one with toys. Remember that for women sometimes the pressure to have an orgasm can cause her body to be too tense and unable to finish.
09/03/2010
Contributor: twistedheartsx twistedheartsx
You can also just try a dildo and using fingers for clit stimulation and then using a bullet after she gets more aroused. The vibrations might just be too overwhelming for her at first.
09/03/2010
Contributor: Dr. M Dr. M
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Sounds like she is starting off with the vibrations too high and the nerves of her clitoris are shutting down. This is the numbing effect that reviewers talk about. What might help is trying a variable speed vibrator and starting off with a low speed ... more
Thanks so much for the response.

Orgasm in general has been a mystical creature for her - it never seems to be induced the same way twice.

The vibe I bought today is the link - do you think this is a decent piece, and if not, should I grab the one you linked as well?
09/03/2010
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Dr. M
Thanks so much for the response.

Orgasm in general has been a mystical creature for her - it never seems to be induced the same way twice.

The vibe I bought today is the link - do you think this is a decent piece, and if not, should I ... more
Is she having trouble with orgasm in general, then? Has she always, or is this a new development? Do you mind if I ask how old she is?

I agree with Airen that the Hitachi may be too strong for her. Some woman actually use it with a towel over the head, to reduce the vibrations. Others find it is just too strong for them. It's really a toy for women who either can withstand a LOT of stimulation or need a lot of stimulation.

You can tell which toy will work for her, sometimes, by what works during sex, or how she masturbates. The toy Airen is really good for a lot of women, because AFAIK, it is similar (although not identical) to the feeling of oral sex. Many women can come from oral sex.

Women who masturbate by shaking their genitals may find something like the Wahl a good choice. But, again this is a STRONG toy, and may be too strong for her, if she gets numbed easily.

The thing is not every toy works well for every woman. You have to try different toys to see what works. I haven't tried the toy you suggested, maybe read the reviews on it, and see what they say.

I like the vibes on both the Fun Factory and the JoyDivision phallic vibes (the two companies make similar toys, but the Fun Factory has seems to have lower register vibrations, while the JoyDivision toys tend to be a little higher frequency, a little "buzzier" but not at the level of the Hitachi in most styles.) Some women need clitoral stimulation AND penetration to orgasm. Some need breast stimulation or anal stimulation. Some need all four, plus!

Good luck, keep playing and experimenting. Also, ask her how she masturbates and what works for her there.
09/03/2010
Contributor: Jenn (aka kissmykitty) Jenn (aka kissmykitty)
(EdenFantasys)
I can definitely sympathize with your wife. Orgasms, for me, are amazing when I have them, but lately have been quite elusive. *sigh*

Anyway, as Airen pointed out, the sensation changing from feeling incredible to feeling tickly or annoying usually means that she has overdone it with the intensity of the vibrations. Perhaps she could try something with a lower speed.

Also, maybe a toy that has deeper, "thrummier" vibrations might work well for her. I *swear* by Evolved Novelties' Lucky 11 for those exact types of vibrations: link
09/03/2010
Contributor: deltalima deltalima
I've had similar feelings when I felt I was aware of what was going on rather than just enjoying the moment.

But, maybe she's just gotten used to it. I would recommend manually stimulating toward the end or adding sensory play to have her focus on one part.
09/03/2010
Contributor: brandi2009 brandi2009
Quote:
Originally posted by Dr. M
Hi all,

I'm new to the use of toys, and being a guy who is about to pass my 14th wedding anniversary I've decided to take things in the bedroom to a new level.

We recently got a Hitachi wand as our 1st toy, and while my wife ... more
the power may be too high. Same thing happens to me because some how I am extra sensitive down there.
05/14/2013