The New Intimacy

The Learning Process of Sexuality

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Contributor: petname petname
I've been thinking lately about the learning process for one's own sexuality. How do most people learn about masturbation and how to do it? How do they know about what they like, what fantasies get them the most worked up, or about the fetishes they have? What about the type of stimulation they prefer, or the way for them to get the best orgasms, or the different types that they can have?

The obvious answer for this is that a person simply experiments, but there's usually much more to it than that. I wonder how a person knows to experiment, and where they get the ideas for the things they try on themselves or fantasize. I realized that many things can influence people, including porn, erotica, internet research, practice and experience (possibly with a person who urges you to try a specific thing you've never tried before), fantasizing, parental discussions about sex, upbringing in general, and even just dumb luck.

Maybe a lot of people have understood themselves and what they like sexually ever since they can remember and this is all a strange thing for them to think about in such terms. I just know that from the perspective of a person from an extremely sheltered background, this topic is fascinating. In a world where you're still learning about yourself, you can get inspiration from practically anywhere.

I was wondering, where do most people get their sense of sexual self-knowledge from, especially when they first begin to discover it? Which one or two factors were the most significant in your personal self-discovery? Where there any specific moments in your experience that were revelations about what you like?

(If anything about this topic was unclear, please let me know, as I'm not sure how well I have explained the subject.)
04/05/2012
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Contributor: js250 js250
I was a teenager and had these 'feelings' sometimes that I was unsure of and tried to get them figured out. That was the very awkward beginning.

When I started having sex, it was okay as long as I did not have an orgasm or come close. Due to a health issue I had for many years, this would cause actual tearing and ripping of tissues inside my lower abdomen. Sex was an extremely painful area of my life for about 6 years.

After I had my hysterectomy and was rid of the illness that had caused so much damage both physically and mentally, I figured out sex was not something to dread and babysit from orgasming. I liked it.

When I got together with my now hubby, I figured out just how much!!! Let me tell you, once I mentally realized an orgasm did not hurt and let go of my fears---holy hell--I made up for lost time with interest!!!

I get my ideas from porn, my husband, my very fertile imagination coupled with curiosity and plain old horniness. Oh, and EF!!!
04/06/2012
Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Yay for a long-winded post about Rin's sexual growth!

Even though sex was never really portrayed negatively in my family, I was extremely prudish growing up and somehow got it in my head that sex or anything having to do with sex was inherently bad. To this day I can't remember where the notion came from. After learning what actually happened during sex I calmed down a little, since it seemed like a boring activity and I couldn't understand why it would be done anyway, though nudity gained more appeal.

Around age twelve, I got an "itch" on my clitoris (and while I remember it as an itch, it may well have been arousal) and, not wanting to hurt myself, I rubbed instead of scratching. Up until that night, I'd never touched myself, having never really had a reason to. An orgasm was had, and even though it would be at least another few months before I realized that what I was doing was masturbating, I decided right away that it felt good, though my inner prude still felt guilty about it. A year or two later I stumbled upon some of my older brother's girl-on-girl oral porn, and suddenly sex became fascinating, and the guilt stopped abruptly.

For a long time after that, fantasizing about oral would be the only thing that turned me on. My hands are small and not so good at "inside work," so I didn't really enjoy the idea of being penetrated. I swung between considering myself lesbian and bisexual, slowly gaining an interest in men as my teenage years progressed. Sometime around age 17 I began to desire a vibrator, as masturbating was enjoyable but didn't seem as fun as it should be, and at age 19 I finally purchased one with my mother's help.

I only gained a few other toys between then and age 22 (last year) when I bumped into Eden. Sex toys are now one of my main interests, and thanks to some high-quality dildos I finally enjoy being penetrated (very much, I might add). I now identify as primarily heterosexual, though I still have yet to have sexual contact with anyone, largely due to shyness in the dating realm. With any luck I'll find someone I'm comfortable with sooner or later, and I look forward to learning even more about myself when that happens.
04/09/2012