Experiment with different materials, and maybe look into rabbit styles. I've never had much response from internal stimulation either, until I figured out the right type of toy for my body. I prefer softer, more lifelike materials, and am only just now getting to like harder silicone.

Also, try to relax your mind. If you're too worried about whether or not you're going to get something from penetrative sex, then your own brain is going to work against you. I had that problem for a long time. I was so worried about making hubby feel good by having an orgasm that I was keeping myself from just enjoying the act of sex, and everything outside of the penetration. Once I let go of my worries, it improved immediately.

There isn't any rush to enjoying different types of pleasure. You have a whole lifetime to explore and learn new things about your body! Just enjoy what you enjoy for now, and experiment with things you want to enjoy more, and the rest will follow.

Good luck!

I'm so sorry that something terrible happened to you.

You may find that when you are finally ready to have penetrative sex with someone you love, the fear and lack of pleasure will disappear and pleasure will happen, at its own pace. Even the best dildo doesn't feel like the penis of the man you love, I guarantee it. Love can often make all the difference. When you find someone you do love, take it slowly and easy.

Here's to your healing and learning.

My wife did not find much pleasure at first either, our solution was to let her be on top and just move different ways until she found something that felt good to her. After a few tries she learned what her body wanted and now enjoys it very much.