The New Intimacy

I just can't do it...

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Contributor: Danielle1220 Danielle1220
I can only have an orgasm with clitoral stimulation, and it has to be a vibrator. I really want to be able to have one from sex with my husband or some other kind of stimulation...so far the only way I can orgasm is the clit...and it has to be a vibrator. Is there something wrong with me? Give me some ideas on things I can try so I don't have to use the vibrator EVERYTIME. It gets a little frustrating.

Thanks for all opinions and help in advance
10/14/2010
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Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Danielle1220
I can only have an orgasm with clitoral stimulation, and it has to be a vibrator. I really want to be able to have one from sex with my husband or some other kind of stimulation...so far the only way I can orgasm is the clit...and it has to be a ... more
YOu will need to retrain your body a bit and it could take a bit of time an patience. I find that it helps to be stimulated in another way, nipple, mental and other stroking until I am very aroused. Then I will try the new type of stimulation and allow myself to sink into the experience. Now biologically speaking unless you have a very easily aroused g spot that can be easily manipulated during sex, or a clit positioned to receive stimulation during PIV sex you may not ever be able to achieve pentrative orgasm. This isn't unusual and it isn't something that can be easily changed. YOu can learn to be more receptive to different types of clitoral simulation with practice but if you are built for clitoral orgasm than you may be "stuck" with that type of orgasm! It's not all bad news though because most orgasm difficulties are solved by changing your mental state. YOu have to know that what you are doing is ok and not "bad" and then RELAX. Let the orgasm come to you, don't chase it. You could also try getting aroused with a vibrator and then letting your fingers take over. Same with a partner if your partner is up for oral sex. Maybe your partner could position the vibe so it stimulated the area but allows his tongue to lave and circle your clit. Have fun with it and don't get discouraged.
10/14/2010
Contributor: Alicia Alicia
Quote:
Originally posted by Danielle1220
I can only have an orgasm with clitoral stimulation, and it has to be a vibrator. I really want to be able to have one from sex with my husband or some other kind of stimulation...so far the only way I can orgasm is the clit...and it has to be a ... more
Well, I had a similar issue with this lately, but it was because of a type of vibrator I was using I think. I was using an insanely strong one with high pitched vibrations and I think it was causing my clitoris to be irritated. It got to the point that nothing else worked BUT those strong vibes and I couldn't get off from sex or manual or oral stimulation. I found that I had to give my body a week of nothing. No stimulation of any sort to try to I guess calm itself down. After that I tried with my husband and oral sex..because he's always been able to make me cum that way, and sure enough after not having the vibrations he was again. It's just that the strong vibrations made me irritated and also somehow simultaneously desensitized me and sensitized me and as much as I love those super strong buzzy vibes I think I really need to limit their use!
10/15/2010
Contributor: ToyGeek ToyGeek
Try incorporating a less buzzy vibe into your play, like the JimmyJane Little Chroma (sorry to name such an expensive choice, but it's the one that always works for me). I find that using that vibe makes me more sensitive, rather than less, but if you're used to something buzzy, it might take a couple of really long sessions to really appreciate the deceptively mild vibrations. At first, it feels like 'this is it?!' but then it turns into this intense, low stress buildup, with multiple deep, satisfying orgasms.

A majority of women require some clitoral stimulation to get there, so don't beat yourself up if you always need a little something more than penetration, but the Little Chroma combined with a dildo seems to result in a more varied experience for me.
10/15/2010
Contributor: Danielle1220 Danielle1220
Thanks everyone! That tinme of the month just came...so now I guess is a good time to not do any playing
10/16/2010
Contributor: Shaelote Shaelote
I really liked finding this post - it is insanely hard for me to orgasm. I used to be able to bring myself to a clitoral orgasm five times a day or so in high school (I'm 25) - after some antidepressives and now that I'm on birth control it seems to take a miracle. My partner is wonderful and he is encouraging and tries really hard, but I just can't relax and let it happen. I always have a detached part of me, even during sex - and I don't know how to overcome this.

Does anyone else have that dissociation going on? How do I overcome this?
11/08/2010
Contributor: dbm6907 dbm6907
Quote:
Originally posted by Shaelote
I really liked finding this post - it is insanely hard for me to orgasm. I used to be able to bring myself to a clitoral orgasm five times a day or so in high school (I'm 25) - after some antidepressives and now that I'm on birth control it ... more
I'm in the same boat. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and he still can't bring me to orgasm, no matter how much I want it to happen. He tries so hard and it feels great but then there's just something that holds me back. I'm also on birth control and I'm starting to think that the pill may have something to do with it.

This has become a sore subject between my partner and I, and I hate that he feels like less of a man because my body just won't work how I expect it to.
06/05/2011