The New Intimacy

Can't come without clit stim - partner feels it's his fault. What can I do???

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Contributor: GinaGeometry GinaGeometry
Hello my beloved forum. I'm coming here once again, after almost 7 years, and I have something to talk to.

I need your advice - I don't know what to say or what to do. I've been together with him for several years now, and never have I orgasmed without stimulating my clit. Either it's a toy or mine or his fingers - we have some aid. Recently, he suddenly realized that he never made me come through penetration alone.

He's upset, he's depressed, he feels like he's not enough.

He read that clit is big and goes inside, "hugging" the vaginal walls, so basically inner stimulation is clit play, too - so why do I need only external stimulation? He is convinced it has something to do with his girth or performance as a whole, and I just can't see how can I fix everything.

I know that many ladies here talked about coming through vaginal stimulation, through anal, some even had the nipplegasm - please tell me what am I doing wrong?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
24  (73%)
6  (18%)
1  (3%)
2  (6%)
Total votes: 33
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07/16/2020
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Contributor: Stellar Stellar
Don't worry girl

A fellow clit gal here - no matter how he touches me or what wild things we do, and mo matter how good they feel, the actual orgasm only comes after someone touches my clit.

It's perfectly normal - there are over 70% of women IN THE WORLD with the same "issue" - penetration is not meant to make us come. Clit is.
07/16/2020
Contributor: GinaGeometry GinaGeometry
Quote:
Originally posted by Stellar
Don't worry girl

A fellow clit gal here - no matter how he touches me or what wild things we do, and mo matter how good they feel, the actual orgasm only comes after someone touches my clit.

It's perfectly normal - there are ... more
Thank you!

I understand... I simply fear that he thinks that it all depends on my lack of affection for him. Which isn't true at all!
07/16/2020
Contributor: Mt NORushmore Mt NORushmore
wow sounds like lack of communication between you two!

if you seriously worry he fears you "love him less", you have to talk to him! now!

I love my man, but it has nothing to do with my ladybits.

I can't come without clit stimulation, too.
I also can't come with it - I need both penetration and a touch to the clit, but I think that's irrelevant to our conversation.

we had a similar problem when he couldn't come - he would just go and go for hours, he was hard, everything felt great, but the finish seemed unreachable. I was sore, I was disappointed and felt really insecure. but it wasn't because of me - it was psychological (he was overburdened at work and couldn't "let it go", literally).


talk first, then everything else.

KISSES
07/16/2020
Contributor: Stellar Stellar
agreed - communication solves many problems.

but clitoral stimulation is a must, and it's not because of how you feel.

although being unable to orgasm at all can have something to do with some psychological barriers.

anyway, I think, while you CAN come via clit stimulation, everything is physically ok with you, and you should ask him to give you more oral if he wants to be the one making you come without helpers
07/16/2020
Contributor: JustinVisual JustinVisual
Quote:
Originally posted by GinaGeometry
Hello my beloved forum. I'm coming here once again, after almost 7 years, and I have something to talk to.

I need your advice - I don't know what to say or what to do. I've been together with him for several years now, and never ... more
I've heard there are women who can get off with PIV sex only but never met any of them. All my partners needed clit stimulation for reaching orgasm, and I don't see any problem here. Every person is different and needs different kinds and levels of stimulation. Besides, it's completely normal for most girls to need clit stimulation, and I think there is nothing fro both of you to worry about.

Maybe he feels like he's not enough because things in your sex life have gotten a bit monotonous and it makes sense to add something new and exciting to your playtime?
07/16/2020
Contributor: Leil@ Leil@
(EdenFantasys)
Quote:
Originally posted by GinaGeometry
Hello my beloved forum. I'm coming here once again, after almost 7 years, and I have something to talk to.

I need your advice - I don't know what to say or what to do. I've been together with him for several years now, and never ... more
I think you should explain to your partner a few facts about female physiology in order he could better understand the orgasmic processes occurring in a woman's body and get comfortable with the fact that not every woman by far is capable of climaxing from vaginal stimulation alone.

Accordingly to different studies, only 18% of women can have orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone. There are even fewer women who are able to come with nipple or anal stimulation only. Majority of females require clitoral stimulation in order to climax. And there is nothing weird or wrong with it. Clitoris has much more nerve endings then vagina does so no surprise that it is the most sensitive lady part and go-to spot for reaching orgasms.

Personally for me, orgasms don't come easy without clitoral stimulation, and I prefer to combine it with other types - usually vaginal or anal, to get an intense, highly pleasurable climax.

From the way I see things, as long as you enjoy each other in bed no matter what techniques are used, there is nothing wrong with your sex sessions. If you want to improve your lovemaking even further, I'd rather recommend you try to stimulate different erogenous zones simultaneously then focus only on the vagina. Vaginal stimulation mixed up with clitoral, anal, nipple, whatever spot you like stimulation usually results in epic, explosive orgasm!
07/16/2020
Contributor: NinaH NinaH
Quote:
Originally posted by GinaGeometry
Hello my beloved forum. I'm coming here once again, after almost 7 years, and I have something to talk to.

I need your advice - I don't know what to say or what to do. I've been together with him for several years now, and never ... more
Look, it is absolutely ok to not reach orgasm without clit stimulation! Maybe some women out there are so lucky that they're able to get off with vaginal penetration alone, but most of us weren't born under a star of vaginal orgasms!

Considering the fact that clit indeed has not only visible part but also has clitoral "legs" that go along vaginal walls and depending on how close these "legs" are to your vaginal wall and how deep do they expand inside you may or may not feel much during vaginal stimulation. It's all about anatomy, and the majority of women built in the way that they need and feel more pleasure from the stimulation of clit glans and hood.
07/17/2020
Contributor: Sex Guy Sex Guy
My GF can cum only with clitoral stimulation, and she needs very intense and continuous stimulation, quick orgasms are not her thing! But I don't feel like I'm not enough. As long as she's having pleasure, I'm enjoying the process as well!
07/17/2020
Contributor: BethanyLee BethanyLee
Quote:
Originally posted by GinaGeometry
Hello my beloved forum. I'm coming here once again, after almost 7 years, and I have something to talk to.

I need your advice - I don't know what to say or what to do. I've been together with him for several years now, and never ... more
I mean, while reductive, the clit is basically our version of a penis. See if he can get himself to orgasm when never touching his penis. Seriously. Some guys can, but I'm guessing most cannot including your partner.

Again, this is reductive but serves a simple point: everyone needs different things to get off and some things are BIG points of importance.

But echoing what others have said, it seems like there's a lot unresolved going on here both in communication and other areas. "I just can't see how I can fix everything" GOOD, IT'S NOT YOUR JOB. Only he can work on his self worth and value.
07/17/2020
Contributor: Pleaser#1 Pleaser#1
As a representative of the male side of the equation, communication and expectations are extremely important.
My partner does not come without clit stimulation. Actually, she has only achieved orgasm without direct clit stim a handful of times in many years.
My expectations are usually for her just to reach orgasm. Intense. Delicious. Exciting. How it happens? Less of a dilemma.
However, certain positions stimulate the clit -no hands necessary- and are fun to do! That's where communication comes in.
It takes patience, communication, and time.
07/18/2020
Contributor: CuriousFun CuriousFun
Being unable to orgasm without clitoral simulation is EXTREMELY common for female-bodied people. I forget the precise statistics, but I'm pretty sure that pussy-owners who are able to cum through penetration alone are actually significantly less common than those who need external clit stimulation.

As others have said, it sounds like you need to sit him down and explain some basic realities about female anatomy. Him getting down over not being able to get you off from penetration alone would be like you getting depressed because you can't get him off without touching his penis (after all, a clitoris is a lot like a tiny penis). It has nothing to do with a lover's level of skill or commitment, and everything to do with human anatomy and physiological responses to stimuli.

Yes, there are significant clitoral structures below the surface, and in some women those can be stimulated to some degree via vaginal penetration (though doing so often requires a specific size and shape in the penetrative object, which may not always coincide with the size and shape of a human penis), but everyone's specific anatomy is different. Everyone requires different types of stimulation (and in differerent places) to reach orgasm. Even for women who can stimulate their clitoral legs via vaginal penetration, that may not be enough to actually get them off. They may still need external clitoral stimulation, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. We can't change how our genitals are built (well, at least not without significant invasive surgery, and having an insecure boyfriend certainly isn't a reason to even think about exploring that).

So my advice would be to sit him down, explain how female genitals are structured (pull up some anatomical pictures if you think it will help), and tell him (nicely) to get over it already. If that doesn't work, it might be time to consider whether there might be some other issues at play here, because if I'm being honest, this seems like an awfully strange thing to be so upset about on his part.

And just so I'm being absolutely clear: the problem is NOT with you or your anatomy, or even your boyfriend's penis size or technique. It's very, very, VERY common for women to need external clit stimulation to orgasm. Women who don't are the exception, not the rule. You are perfectly functional and normal. This problem exists in your boyfriend's head, not in your ladybits.
07/19/2020
Contributor: Purple Rain Purple Rain
Quote:
Originally posted by GinaGeometry
Hello my beloved forum. I'm coming here once again, after almost 7 years, and I have something to talk to.

I need your advice - I don't know what to say or what to do. I've been together with him for several years now, and never ... more
I am the same way. me & mine have been together since 2012 & we once went thru this same obstacle. I eventually had to get real personal with my anatomy. How my body works along with research. In the end it made our bond stronger.

Our next issue has become a serious drop in my libido, idk why its suddenly dropped but he feels I'm not attracted to him anymore. I'm only 27 so im at a loss for myself atm.
07/23/2020
Contributor: Leil@ Leil@
(EdenFantasys)
Quote:
Originally posted by Purple Rain
I am the same way. me & mine have been together since 2012 & we once went thru this same obstacle. I eventually had to get real personal with my anatomy. How my body works along with research. In the end it made our bond stronger. ... more
Unless you take medicines that decrease sex drive or have a chronic illness, then the probable reason may be you have too much stress in your life, that's why your libido might go down. With all these stuff with covid and lockdown, it is not surprising to be strained and anxious.
07/23/2020
Contributor: To hung To hung
It's normal you two need to talk about this then go from there my girl I have to rub the head of my cock between her lips so I can get it in she squirt just by the way it's feeling win win otherwise I wouldn't be able to get it in
07/23/2020
Contributor: Nightstalkerlove Nightstalkerlove
I can only get my girlfriend to cum with oral or with my fingers but I always have to give her clit attention for her to cum. I have never had sex with a woman that could cum with only penetration.I wouldnt get upset if a woman couldnt cum just by penetration definitely.
07/30/2020
Contributor: GinaGeometry GinaGeometry
I feel really blessed having a support group like you guys. I guess I already knew that the more O zones you stimulate - the better the orgasm, it's kind of a "duh" moment, but being open with my base, talking to him has really got us into a better place.

I think I - and your kind posts - are beginning to get through to him.
07/31/2020
Contributor: GinaGeometry GinaGeometry
Quote:
Originally posted by JustinVisual
I've heard there are women who can get off with PIV sex only but never met any of them. All my partners needed clit stimulation for reaching orgasm, and I don't see any problem here. Every person is different and needs different kinds and ... more
We are going through a lot of stress, actually, and the sexy part of our lives has been kind of in the background.

But I feel like many couples are going through a tough time now.
07/31/2020
Contributor: Devilishmoon Devilishmoon
I used to be the same way could only get off by clit stimulation and my husband thought it was him. Which he is uncircumcised and also not the biggest which had nothing to do with it. Im here to tell you in my case size does NOT matter. He knows exactly what to do and believe it or not he's the best ive been with. But anyways back to the topic but it went on like that for 13 yrs also got to the point we was barely having sex. Well on verge of divorce we both realized we wanted to work it out. Well lets say when we got our sex life back and he went reading up on stuff i finally had multiple orgasms and finally came through vaginal. Now sex cant be any better. And im not saying thats what ur probelm is i was just sharing my story. But he made it his mission to make sure i am pleased first and to give me what no other man has done before. But maybe if he reads up on female orgasms he cab better understand it has nothing to do with him and he pleases you just fine....
08/03/2020
Contributor: OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
He's watched too much porn or something. Or had previous encounters where the gal told him he was on the smaller side. Men including mine are obsessed with size. That being said I have maybe cum a few times from him alone. And usually with a wand during doggie. I will say my biggest but not best were from a wand or or oral and dildoing.
Of course I prefer to just do it with him without toys.
08/04/2020
Contributor: Wickedly Yours Wickedly Yours
Quote:
Originally posted by GinaGeometry
Hello my beloved forum. I'm coming here once again, after almost 7 years, and I have something to talk to.

I need your advice - I don't know what to say or what to do. I've been together with him for several years now, and never ... more
I can only cum from clit stim from the most part. I’ve had great toys that are meant for g spot and it still wasn’t enough. I usually use my Gigi 2 when I’m having penetrative sex with my husband..it’s quiet and the sound doesn’t make him feel uncomfortable/intimida ted.
08/13/2020
Contributor: GrayFUN GrayFUN
Quote:
Originally posted by GinaGeometry
Hello my beloved forum. I'm coming here once again, after almost 7 years, and I have something to talk to.

I need your advice - I don't know what to say or what to do. I've been together with him for several years now, and never ... more
PLEASE READ, SUPER LONG, VERY SORRY, BUT IT'S WORTH THE READ

I answered for my wife who is exactly like you. I have never made her orgasm through penetration alone, we have been together for 13 years. I have accepted it as just a thing. There is a possibility I'm not doing it right, however my wife really enjoys intercourse with me. We just have fun and I do my best to really turn her on. I know sometimes she just enjoys the intimacy and other times I really get her wet. Men relate everything to porn, even if we have never watched it we get the idea. We want our women to grab us uncontrollably, or tear our cloths off, or tear their cloths off, or wear lingerie. I am not saying it's a you thing (because it's his issue - mine too but I know about it and talk to my wife regularly), but you might have to do something to change it up and intensify the experience. If you don't express your totally passionate desire for his body, he is going to pick up on that. That feeling is the root of his feeling of not being enough, which is going to make him think that you are going to go somewhere else for pleasure.

We (most men, me included - this is just a broad concept don't take it too literally) think if woman not giving a that guy blow job like it's the greatest thing in the world then she's giving some other guy a blow job like it's the greatest thing in the world. We want to be desired, so whatever you (both of you) do you gotta raise the intensity or passion level. Try anal play, try bondage with each other, try spanking each other, talk dirty to each other, go explore and have fun.

Good luck and if you made it this far, thanks.
09/03/2020
Contributor: Mr.Pitt Mr.Pitt
I voted on behalf of my wife. We have been together for 14 years and I have never made her cum from sex alone. Recently we stumbled across clit stimulators and she is having mind numbing orgasms. It is really fun to watch. Once I make her cum once I can get her to cum 3 or 4 times more before she can’t handle it. There are many things to do and it’s a process to enjoy. Simply sticking to one thing for an orgasm just isn’t how sex works for just about anyone. Increase foreplay, massages, role play, lingerie, oral, toys, sex. Do it all.
09/06/2020
Contributor: Thelovelysexxto1 Thelovelysexxto1
Quote:
Originally posted by GinaGeometry
Hello my beloved forum. I'm coming here once again, after almost 7 years, and I have something to talk to.

I need your advice - I don't know what to say or what to do. I've been together with him for several years now, and never ... more
Sometimes it is like that and men feel like they are not enough to make a woman orgasm. It happens. There are plenty of vibrating cockrings and clit simulators that you could get that vibrates and this has helped us like the fondler is prefect and it can put it on him and vibrates you. It is nothing about him just everyone does not have the same feelings and cannot cum the same way. I know the feels personally since I cum buy nipple and clit play.
09/07/2020
Contributor: Sunshine Smiles Sunshine Smiles
I have to say as you see most women are the same way and need clitoral stimulation to get off... I'm new here...I'm the same way... I got with this man 2 years ago and he was probably one of the first people who ever got me off so soon into our relationship. He took the time to show me attention and I was impressed. I even told him that I was used to doing it myself most of my life because the majority of men either don't know how or don't put the effort in it takes me to reach orgasm..... Fast forward a few months and we broke up for about a month. I slept with one guy one time and as soon as I did I knew it was a mistake..... When me and my bf got back together I told him the truth about it and the part about regretting it. Well the first few times when we were messing around he tried but gave up before I got off, even though I was close, which didn't bother me. Until now it's been over a year since he made any effort whatsoever to get me off. He barely touches me in any way to please me sexually though his appetite is still strong he wants blow jobs a lot and penetration. I have talked til I'm blue in the face telling him it's not cool that he's not willing to make an attempt to get me off too but expect me to. I have tried dressing up, I have tried doing it all really good to show him he's wanted, I have tried doing it all really bad and told him when I get some attention it will get better for him....... And I have definitely talked. He always tells me it's going to change it will get better that it just really fucked him up that I slept with someone else. Finally I'm like seriously imagine if I didn't do anything to please you sexually for over a year..... Really imagine...... He knows how to get me off he just really never ever tries and it hurts, it really does. When we do talk he blames me, I try to say it's not fair to punish me for over a year when we were broken up in the first place and if he wasn't going to forgive me he should say so. But he says he's not punishing me I'm messed up for thinking that he says if anything it's punishing him because he doesn't get it like he wants and I don't know it pisses me off when he says that because he gets it any time he asks or brings it up. I may not be in the most giving mood but I do it. Now it's been like a year and a half and I'm not even sure I would know how to act if he did try to get me off. He shows me he loves me outside of the bedroom in plenty of ways and I don't doubt his feelings for me really but how long am I supposed to go pleasing myself, Everytime I ask him that he just promises it will be different....
09/07/2020
Contributor: Lickingjoe Lickingjoe
Pretend my girl u “smart”....it’s not you!!!!
09/13/2020
Contributor: Spicymisunderstood Spicymisunderstood
So i though hormones in teens were bad smh my 30s are killing me and men wonder why we are bitchy well fuck me feed me and sexting would be nice if not like we arent dead?????? im stressed anyone feel this?
09/14/2020
Contributor: lawdog lawdog
Quote:
Originally posted by GinaGeometry
Hello my beloved forum. I'm coming here once again, after almost 7 years, and I have something to talk to.

I need your advice - I don't know what to say or what to do. I've been together with him for several years now, and never ... more
he needs to grow up and learn everyone is different ,what works for one woman doesn't work for the next,,,
10/04/2020
Contributor: lawdog lawdog
Quote:
Originally posted by Sunshine Smiles
I have to say as you see most women are the same way and need clitoral stimulation to get off... I'm new here...I'm the same way... I got with this man 2 years ago and he was probably one of the first people who ever got me off so soon into ... more
dump his ass,he hasn't forgiven you or he wouldn't be acting like a dickhead,,,he is keeping you around for convenience,,like he has never slept with anybody else,,I am a man,,I have been as bad as anyone,but I never let my lady down in bed,,,,and I never wanted a woman with no experience,,,he needs to grow the fuck up
10/04/2020