Ohhhh...

That was neat!!! I really like the way you used italics to show thoughts. Personally, I find it cleaner than using quotes and adds more to the story. Kind of brings you into the characters head.

For the title... "First Time" has been done.

What about, "Maybe Never More Than Tonight", or "There's a first time and a last time" (can you tell I loved that last paragraph? The wording you use, "The reality of our situation is dawning on us. Both of us know that there may never be more than this night." I don't know, but it just got to me), "Everything can start on the dance floor", "Come to my room".

Just some ideas knocking about!!!

I tried to leave comments on your blog, but my program I use to surf freely on the net doesn't seem to really like those "entre what you see to avoid spam" thingies so I always fail them.

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I've been thinking about changing that requirement, but I hate spam. Maybe I'll take the Captcha off and approve messages. Hrmmmmmm.... decisions!

Yeah, I wasn't sure when I started the story if it was going to be the start of a new relationship or a one time thing. But I loved the last paragraph too. I typed it, sat with it for a long time trying to elaborate and realized, "it's done!"

I think using italics for thoughts is also clearer. It separates conversation from thoughts for me and makes it easier when I write.

The title, First Time has been done many, many, many, many times...

Going off your first suggestion: Just Tonight has a nice ring to it.

And thank you so much for the feedback! less

"I've been thinking about changing that requirement, but I hate spam. Maybe I'll take the Captcha off and approve messages. Hrmmmmmm.... decisions! " BBW

YES!!!!! PLEASE!!!! GOD YES!!!!!

I hate those things. Not only does my program hate them... but I cannot see them proper like.

I'm on Wordpress and I've taken the option to.... I have to approve each and every comment I get before it appears on my blog. I turned it off and allowed anyone who already had an approved comment to have freedom to comment... but that got out of hand. Especially being a foreigner living in China having blog posts that talk sometimes negatively about living here... I turned it off.

So yes! Please turn it off!!! I hate not being able to comment.

Yes. I am a comment whore. I love making comments if I can! less

I liked it. There was a good pacing and the back and forth with the minor power exchange was interesting. The reveals were well placed so they just added to the story without being a big AHA moment.

I liked the italicized thoughts, too. (I did that in my first story I wrote for Literotica, but had a LOT more thoughts so had to get rid of them so they could publish it )

Very nice read. Thanks for sharing. less