Quote:
Originally posted by
Booktease
Right now we use a Vac-u-lock harness, and while that's pretty awesome sometimes, it doesn't allow for much skin to skin contact. Or, as you mentioned, flexbiity and body heat.
I think that I struggle a bit with the getting used to
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Right now we use a Vac-u-lock harness, and while that's pretty awesome sometimes, it doesn't allow for much skin to skin contact. Or, as you mentioned, flexbiity and body heat.
I think that I struggle a bit with the getting used to it, not giggling and fumbling. I am a pretty feminine person. I wear skirts and dresses almost all the time. I don't know that I could ever pull off (or feel comfortable with) a packing toy. But in the bedroom, I totally think strap-on sex is delightful and I love to be the wearer. I just haven't found a way to 'connect' with the toy.
(My inner self just said: 'Because you're still calling it a toy?')
Not to mention that the one we have right now is huge. Like whoa. I love the way it feels, but my partner feels like she's getting speared. And the other one we have is rubber. And not really very attractive. So its hard to connect with either of those.
I think there is a great disconnect in my head. Because I can't help but think, when I have it on: 'Just because I'm wearing this, doesn't mean I want one'. Because I don't really. I love what I've got beneath my skirt. But still.
I don't even know if half of this comment made sense. Hah.
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No worries, it makes total sense. Giggling and fumbling can be part of the fun, especially if you're the type that loves to laugh with partners in the bedroom (I know I am).
I know plenty of femmes who love to strap it on. I'm definitely not in the camp that says everyone who straps it on does so because they wish they had a flesh cock. I love my cunt and wouldn't trade it for the world. I was attracted to strap-ons because I wanted a way to penetrate my partner while still being face to face, to be able to kiss and touch them with my hands. Now that I've gotten deeply identified with having a cock, I would still choose the cocks I've got over one made of flesh because, while they don't have nerve endings (only downside), they never go down unexpectedly, never get diseases, they're there when I want them, gone when I don't, and they can be any size or shape I want. Plus they can't get anyone pregnant
So yeah, just because you are wearing one, does NOT mean you want a flesh one.
On calling it a toy... I use the word "toy" when speaking in general about dildos, because I know that not everyone wants to connect with their stuff the way I do. But when I talk about my stuff, it's always "my cock". Never "my toy". You might find a word that works better for you- dick, shlong, tool, prick, boner, pecker, package, unit, wang, chub, sausage, sword, staff... the list is endless. Using something that works for you and expresses your personality may help. Maybe something femme like... uh... stiletto? I'm no good at this...
Choosing stuff that really suits you and your preferences is also a really good idea to help connection. I know femmes who buy elaborate pink harnesses (check out
Aslan Leather for those) and shiney silver glittery dicks (like the
Leo). They look gorgeous. I invest alot of time and effort into getting stuff that fits my personality, and it's really gratifying to watch someone show love to something they heavily associate with who I am. This extends past cocks and sex toys too... watching someone shine my boots or sharpen my knives is also pleasurable. Those objects reflect me, so the care they are given reflects how that person feels about me.