The New Intimacy

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Everyone likes to think the’re kinky… Fetish: Are you In?

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Contributor: Lena Eden Lena Eden
(EdenFantasys)
Guys, I read that more than 36% Americans agree that using fetish toys is one of the best ways to push the boundaries in the bedroom and bolster intimacy.

Many people I talked to have, at some point or another, tried something a little "naughty." Bondage, spanking, sensory deprivation, reverse roleplay, electro-stimulation…



I’m really wondering if anybody out there still prefers vanilla, in this progressive age that we’re in?

So the aim of this poll is to find out how many of us are crazy about fetishes? Please vote and share your favs in comments below.
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Gunsmoke , Lovemybutt74 , CASpookygirl , LovelyGirl93 , LovesItHot , Mistress Lizzie , AJVB , symbiasin , SexyBigEars69 , PassionPleasure , LuLuRiot , WanderlustinGypsy , chidoll , sevennn , Thelovelysexxto1 , QueenOfPlay , hiddenmix006
17  (28%)
Stellar , Lena Eden , Swing Curious , Glitterlips , TheLovelyCouple , Thrash , QueenOfPain , Bibba , Cinnyree , Jodi*Prince , Trysexual , SoloRebel , merc41 , Critter , Bill79 , Dominica , hiseden2253 , LovingIt , Jess.McCleod , adam7274 , awesomery , Porygorish , PiercedDownunder , Soundside46 , La Bachatera , Asus013 , iovys , Kinkykat8 , Kevin Wilson , NinaH , Happy Campers , Holly Hox , VanillaFreeSex , QueenofEverything81 , Marv , nikywolfe , Maestro M , JessyCybele
38  (63%)
Dana79 , Orgasms & Pearls , BustyBirdy , Stormysmagick69 , CharmCity
5  (8%)
Total votes: 60
Poll is open
01/12/2018
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Contributor: Stellar Stellar
I believe that the boundaries are becoming less and less strict - light spanking or a blindfold were considered very "fetishy" in pop culture before, and now even the un-kinkiest of couples practice it from time to time.

For example, I would call my fiance and myself SUPER vanilla , but some bondage, sensory deprivation, spanking, and even choking is on our menu. So, maybe, yeah, we're IN fetish.
01/12/2018
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Growing up a BJ was considered kinky and anal sex was a huge taboo - trimming the bush was considered 'kinky' - no one had even heard of pegging.

Living through the changes has been fun - in fact the change of sex from romance to fun is probably the biggest and best change to make.

My question is - what's the next 'in' kink? Care to venture a guess?
01/12/2018
Contributor: Thrash Thrash
My s/o is a vanilla bean, as I rightfully call him. He grew up as a homeschooled christian boy who eventually became ever-so-slightly sullied after an account of lookin at "nakid ladies" on the latest nintendo DS. From figures like Goku, from Dragon Ball Z, I can see how he draws his inspiration from the idea of innocence. It suits him.

He cringes, even outright telling me so, that I am too blunt with what I want. A simple "please fuck me" gets him not exactly worked up, so I have to be delicate with how I approach him with mere brushes and subtle ass-to-groin rubs. Eventually, he is drawn and I'm taken just like that.

As for me, it's a different sort entirely. In a generation where we freely access the internet, it's not hard to explore. To be curious. Since I was uncomfortably young, I've listed kinks that I've always wanted to try. However, these are not fetishes-- because I never discovered if they got me off to the point of an obsession. The difference between kink is any abnormal sexual conduct whereas fetish is an obsession. It doesn't have to be sexual-- as long as it is satisfying. I'm a kinky person, but I hold no fetishes as of date.
01/16/2018
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by Thrash
My s/o is a vanilla bean, as I rightfully call him. He grew up as a homeschooled christian boy who eventually became ever-so-slightly sullied after an account of lookin at "nakid ladies" on the latest nintendo DS. From figures like Goku, ... more
Interesting and thoughtful story - you certainly have a fair minded attitude and patience. Both of which I think you will need.

However...

IMO you can't let your SO hide behind his fears. Again IMO - relationships have to evolve over time - and in terms of sex that means more adventurous and trying new things.

It took me 25 years to get my wife to try anal sex - and her only regret is that I did not push the issue much sooner. She loves it now and regrets the lost opportunities.

Good luck to you both - if you can get him to think of sex as play-time and not some ethereal romantic experience, you may be on your way to lots of fun!
01/16/2018
Contributor: Lena Eden Lena Eden
(EdenFantasys)
So, no vanilla guys among us?

We're pretty much into fetish play with my BF now. The last thing we've tried is shibari bondage coupled with sensory deprivation.

At the same time, we're still in love with vanilla sex, when we can feel that deepest connection between us and enjoy the velvet touch of our bodies.
01/17/2018
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by Lena Eden
So, no vanilla guys among us? We're pretty much into fetish play with my BF now. The last thing we've tried is shibari bondage coupled with sensory deprivation. At the same time, we're still in love with vanilla sex, when we can feel ... more
You go girl - starting as a relative young'n your moving along fast!

What's your favorite form of sensory depravation?

For me - I'm in love with the blindfold - which puzzles my wife a bit. I guess the mommy porn she listens to (audio books) is full of descriptions of the erotic aspects of eye-contact. But for me turning off my eyes enhances all of my other senses - and the anticipation that comes from those no-touch pauses which she is learning to manipulate.

You?
01/17/2018
Contributor: Lena Eden Lena Eden
(EdenFantasys)
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
You go girl - starting as a relative young'n your moving along fast!

What's your favorite form of sensory depravation?

For me - I'm in love with the blindfold - which puzzles my wife a bit. I guess the mommy porn she listens ... more
Just like you, I love blindfolding. Not knowing what he's gonna do next turns me on. The next thing I'd like to try is adding a ball gag to our play. The one reviewed by DancerKittyKat looks promising.

01/18/2018
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by Lena Eden
Just like you, I love blindfolding. Not knowing what he's gonna do next turns me on. The next thing I'd like to try is adding a ball gag to our play. The one reviewed by DancerKittyKat looks promising.

... more
I too am interested - but I'm already pretty quiet, so I'm not sure my reluctant Domme will be interested in trying a ball gag. I'll be interested to read about how - and why it works for you.
01/18/2018
Contributor: Cinnyree Cinnyree
My boyfriend is rarely into anything but vanilla sex. Our sex life is good enough that I on't need kinky stuff very often. Occassionally I really really crave it though.
01/18/2018
Contributor: Cinnyree Cinnyree
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
I too am interested - but I'm already pretty quiet, so I'm not sure my reluctant Domme will be interested in trying a ball gag. I'll be interested to read about how - and why it works for you.
Does one not drool all over themselves when using a ball gag? Am I the only one that would not be able to concentrate on anything if I was drooling?
I am open to new ideas but I have my crazy tendencies to account for
01/18/2018
Contributor: LovesItHot LovesItHot
We're in sensory deprivation too!

Though I don’t consider blindfolding alone as fetish play I really like it, it’s very arousing. What arouses me (and him)) even more is all kinds of bondage gear. And if to add spanking to it it’ll be the perfect hot night scenario.
01/19/2018
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by LovesItHot
We're in sensory deprivation too!

Though I don’t consider blindfolding alone as fetish play I really like it, it’s very arousing. What arouses me (and him)) even more is all kinds of bondage gear. And if to add spanking to it it’ll be the ... more
This is limited subject - most of what we have talked about other than blindfolds are not classified as sensory depravation.

We like restraints and spanking - but I don't see how that can be classified as sensory depravation. The spanking is sometimes referred to as 'impact play', cuffs, spreader bars, rope etc. are considered restraints. There is enhanced sensation - not depravation.

Advanced forms of sensory depravation would be to go from a blindfold to a full mask.

What else qualifies as sensory depravation?
01/19/2018
Contributor: Lena Eden Lena Eden
(EdenFantasys)
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
I too am interested - but I'm already pretty quiet, so I'm not sure my reluctant Domme will be interested in trying a ball gag. I'll be interested to read about how - and why it works for you.
Well, I can't stay completely silent during sex But it's not the reason why we add ball gag to our play. A ball gag deprives me of the ability to speak and brings an incredible sensation of being dominated.
01/23/2018
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by Lena Eden
Well, I can't stay completely silent during sex But it's not the reason why we add ball gag to our play. A ball gag deprives me of the ability to speak and brings an incredible sensation of being dominated.
I get it - my wife is quite loud when she's having an orgasm. When we have overnight company she says her orgasms are just not as good because she has to be quiet. A ball gag for her would be a meaningful change - but not in the right direction.

That said I'd like to try it for me. Because I am the sub, I would enjoy the power play on her part. I may just surprise her with one and see if she'll use it on me
01/23/2018
Contributor: OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
Quote:
Originally posted by Lena Eden
So, no vanilla guys among us? We're pretty much into fetish play with my BF now. The last thing we've tried is shibari bondage coupled with sensory deprivation. At the same time, we're still in love with vanilla sex, when we can feel ... more
I'm a vanilla gorilla. Really
01/24/2018
Contributor: SoloRebel SoloRebel
Quote:
Originally posted by Cinnyree
My boyfriend is rarely into anything but vanilla sex. Our sex life is good enough that I on't need kinky stuff very often. Occassionally I really really crave it though.
I can empathize. My wife is most the time vanilla with a once and a blue moon freak streak. I keep trying though! In the meantime, I just keep fulfilling my expanding kink boundries during my "me" time !
01/25/2018
Contributor: merc41 merc41
I believe those of us in a partnered relationship should be willing to explore all things sexual. Not scat or children. But everything else.Don't we have a responsibility to provide for our partners and our own pleasure by trying new things. How else are we going to find out if we like something.We should all be willing to push the boundries of pleasure. Sex to me is all about pleasure so why wouldn't you try new things. Ultimatly we all end up orgasming but what about the journey to orgasum.
01/30/2018
Contributor: Jess.McCleod Jess.McCleod
I'd say we're both pretty vanilla which keeps things from advancing pretty far since neither of us are really going to be the ones to initiate it. However, we've definitely peppered things in here and there when the mood strikes us. Personally I like to think I'm pretty open minded - there aren't many things I wouldn't try at least once if my significant other wanted to.
02/12/2018
Contributor: adam7274 adam7274
She is more vanilla, where as I am totally opposite. I like using toys all the time, even try to be a sissy sub hubby for her, but she gets turned off. We are going to try pegging this weekend. Hopefully she will open up more.
02/17/2018
Contributor: surreptitious surreptitious
(Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by merc41
I believe those of us in a partnered relationship should be willing to explore all things sexual. Not scat or children. But everything else.Don't we have a responsibility to provide for our partners and our own pleasure by trying new things. How ... more
Why would you draw the line on scat and not other things? Children/animals, I can understand, but scat is completely arbitrary. This argument really doesn't make any sense to me. For anyone reading this thread and worrying about their relationship, you have absolutely NO "responsibility"; to push through boundaries in a way that makes you uncomfortable in a healthy relationship. And the idea that anyone with a partner should be willing to explore everything is ludicrous.

Perhaps, merc41, you would benefit from being a bit more open-minded. Your viewpoint is VERY restricted in several ways. Not only are you forcing your views about sex on all partnered couples (which has been proven time and time again is a terrible decision), you've failed to consider that there are couples who don't even have sex. I personally love sex, but 99% of the time, I prefer not to orgasm during the act. So even you saying that "we all end up orgasming" is rather biased towards your own personal preferences (whether they are a majority or not), imo. Take a step back and appreciate that there are people of all kinds, and their relationships are equally valid.
02/20/2018
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by surreptitious
Why would you draw the line on scat and not other things? Children/animals, I can understand, but scat is completely arbitrary. This argument really doesn't make any sense to me. For anyone reading this thread and worrying about their ... more
You're making way to much of this! merc41 was expressing an opinion - not forcing their ideas on anyone. In fact it's your rant that I find offensive and judgmental.

As for 'responsibilities' and 'limits', my experience as a nearly 64 year old is that things change over time. What my wife would never have considered at one time, she now sees as quite 'normal'.

Much of that change in her has been due to my openness about things I'd like to try and my commitment to make sure everything we do try is consensual - even when there is a bit of reluctance on her part.

Over the years she has come to realize that my 'crazy ideas' have turned out great for her - so now there is no resistance to trying new things.

I guess my point is that there is nothing wrong with 'pushing the limits' as long as there is communication, love and respect.
02/20/2018
Contributor: OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears

hey !
02/20/2018
Contributor: AJVB AJVB
My husband and I have been together for 11 years. When we first got together we were vanilla all the time. As of recently, we have have bought a strap on and enjoy pegging. We also have some hog tie restraints.
02/22/2018
Contributor: OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
Quote:
Originally posted by AJVB
My husband and I have been together for 11 years. When we first got together we were vanilla all the time. As of recently, we have have bought a strap on and enjoy pegging. We also have some hog tie restraints.
We're been together a long time also. Like the two of you very very vanilla. Also into occasional pegging, but no restraints.
02/23/2018
Contributor: symbiasin symbiasin
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
You go girl - starting as a relative young'n your moving along fast!

What's your favorite form of sensory depravation?

For me - I'm in love with the blindfold - which puzzles my wife a bit. I guess the mommy porn she listens ... more
Gunsmoke, you just gave me an idea. My SO is not very fond of tying up, which is my main fetish, but if I use the blindfolds it can up the ante for me and in time he will get used to tying me up (the more rope the better). If you have ever taken the bdsm test, rope bunny comes in 2nd, behind brat on mine.
02/24/2018
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by symbiasin
Gunsmoke, you just gave me an idea. My SO is not very fond of tying up, which is my main fetish, but if I use the blindfolds it can up the ante for me and in time he will get used to tying me up (the more rope the better). If you have ever taken ... more
Symbiasin, glad to be of service. My wife is getting more and more bold with her Domme moves - especially when I have the blindfold on. It's like the blindfold is her license to experiment.

Rope work takes a lot of time and I imagine a fair amount of trial and error as he learns the ropes (groan - bad pun)! With your blindfold on he's free to try out new ideas without the embarrassment of making mistakes in front of an audience.

Keep us posted on his progress - and hopefully your fulfillment!
02/24/2018
Contributor: Porygorish Porygorish
Quote:
Originally posted by Lena Eden
Guys, I read that more than 36% Americans agree that using fetish toys is one of the best ways to push the boundaries in the bedroom and bolster intimacy. Many people I talked to have, at some point or another, tried something a little ... more
Tieing up and choking works well!
03/28/2018
Contributor: MistressJessilynn MistressJessilynn
My fiance and I lead a full BDSM relationship. We are 24/7.

She does what I say, WHEN I say. If she disobeys she is punished.
If she does not do what I like during sex, she is punished.
She is to respond "Yes Ma'am" or "yes mistress" when spoken to. She is to wear her collar, and walk on my right side.

Please note, all of this is 110% consensual.
I always take her safety and comfort into account.
04/04/2018
Contributor: PassionPleasure PassionPleasure
Quote:
Originally posted by Lena Eden
Guys, I read that more than 36% Americans agree that using fetish toys is one of the best ways to push the boundaries in the bedroom and bolster intimacy. Many people I talked to have, at some point or another, tried something a little ... more
My wife and I are into spanking. She is always the one getting spanked and her spankings range from her getting to maybe a three on her pain threshold to punishment spankings. We use a variety of implements from straps and belts to wooden paddles.
04/26/2019