The New Intimacy

Any help for a new dominatrix who is a bit too "young" and "cute"?

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Contributor: Nazaress Nazaress
I work at a cam site and a lot of my recent business has been with older men who wished to be subservient to me. I'm pretty much brand new with this as I'm used to being the one receiving the pain and even then, it's just minor stuff with my boyfriend. Oh, and obviously keep in mind that everything is online and will remain so when you give advice.

My problem is that I am only 22 and I'm not exactly what you'd call a "smoldering", "seductive", or "fearsome" kind of girl. I'm more of a cute-looking (occasionally sexy) girl who always has a smile on her face. I'm not exactly "bubbly" but I'm definitely not the type you imagine when you think "dominatrix". I've learned, though, that I can use this to my advantage, particularly when one slave commented that he was rather turned on by the idea of obeying someone who was so much younger than himself. So I was hoping that people could give me some good tips (appearance-, personality-, action-wise, etc.) on how to best play up my natural self and help me turn into something of a "deadly kitten" since I'm not really the wild cat type. Thank you!
04/14/2012
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Contributor: Nazaress Nazaress
Any help from anyone?
04/17/2012
Contributor: Big Dog Big Dog
You're too funny.

You're just going to have to practice being assertive. This made me laugh as my wife can't say NO! without smiling.

I'm sure there's some movies out there with strong women that you can roll model their assertiveness.

I've just gotta think about it. I'll be back
04/17/2012
Contributor: Nazaress Nazaress
Quote:
Originally posted by Big Dog
You're too funny.

You're just going to have to practice being assertive. This made me laugh as my wife can't say NO! without smiling.

I'm sure there's some movies out there with strong women that you can roll model ... more
Ha ha. I didn't know I was funny. Maybe it was the deadly kitten comment?

That's a good idea, looking for role models and the like. I'll keep that in mind and see if there isn't anyone from whom I can draw inspiration.
04/17/2012
Contributor: catsin catsin
Quote:
Originally posted by Nazaress
I work at a cam site and a lot of my recent business has been with older men who wished to be subservient to me. I'm pretty much brand new with this as I'm used to being the one receiving the pain and even then, it's just minor stuff with ... more
Honestly, the cuter you are the fiercer you'll have to be.

Like Big Dog says, ASSERTION and aggression.

For instance when a slave says "I'm turned on by someone younger", respond almost angrily "I'm not here to listen to you, shut up and get on your knees".

It's a lot of acting like you're in charge. Be forceful!!
04/17/2012
Contributor: Nazaress Nazaress
Quote:
Originally posted by catsin
Honestly, the cuter you are the fiercer you'll have to be.

Like Big Dog says, ASSERTION and aggression.

For instance when a slave says "I'm turned on by someone younger", respond almost angrily "I'm not here ... more
Oh, my! That's definitely a lot more aggressive than I've been. I'm going to have to start taking tips from my boyfriend, I think. Since it's the other way around with us, when he's in the mood for that kind of stuff and I start getting turned on by whatever he's doing to me, he'll punish me for it and say, "Did I say you could get turned on?". Things like that. So I see what you mean. I need to be more fierce and not let my "cute" looks make me less assertive. Thank you!
04/18/2012
Contributor: unfulfilled unfulfilled
I had to check this out. Good luck to you, I hope you're able to find what works for you.
04/18/2012
Contributor: sweetiejo sweetiejo
I know I am the same way. When my last boyfriend and I first got into playing mistress and sub it was hard for me. My nature is to not be assertive and out there, but I worked on it. I just did little things that made me more forceful. Like through the day be more assertive towards your guy, and little things like that build up on themselves. Start small using more harsh words, and working on a sharper tone can also be great first steps. The biggest thing I can say find something with it that gives you great pleasure I found that it became an alter ego with me.
04/18/2012
Contributor: sweetiejo sweetiejo
Oh and if you want to talk privately about ideas feel free to mail me on here hun.
04/18/2012
Contributor: Nazaress Nazaress
Quote:
Originally posted by sweetiejo
I know I am the same way. When my last boyfriend and I first got into playing mistress and sub it was hard for me. My nature is to not be assertive and out there, but I worked on it. I just did little things that made me more forceful. Like through ... more
Most of the time, I have it rather easy because I can't use sound a lot so I'm often typing my commands. The hard part is coming up with things to say and trying to have a "stern face". Since I'm still not good at that part yet, I just keep my smile as though I enjoy it. Which isn't to say I DON'T enjoy bossing them around; simply that it is hard to force oneself to keep a straight face when they're so new and nervous. Ha ha.

And I will keep that in mind. Thank you.

@ unfulfilled: Thank you! Me, too.
04/18/2012
Contributor: clockwork451 clockwork451
You can TOTALLY use that smile to your advantage. If you don some PVC lingerie and get a crop or something, that smile can add to a "I'm a little bit crazy, AND it total charge here" persona.
08/04/2012
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Ever heard of the Gothic Lolita? Whenever I hear "young and cute" with Domme, I immediately think of the Gothic Lolita - innocent, but obviously up to no good.
08/04/2012
Contributor: Phantom2291 Phantom2291
Quote:
Originally posted by Nazaress
I work at a cam site and a lot of my recent business has been with older men who wished to be subservient to me. I'm pretty much brand new with this as I'm used to being the one receiving the pain and even then, it's just minor stuff with ... more
Just have to act the part.
08/04/2012
Contributor: k3 k3
Best of luck! I struggle with my Dominant side as well... ><;
09/03/2012
Contributor: stlouisxxx stlouisxxx
For starters if you have a slapper you can strike your hand, or a desk to make a point. If the men are paying you to be dominant have them do things that humiliate or feminize them. Wear wet liquid black clothing, have them use unusual objects or fruit & veggies or ice. Maybe a glass of ice & a little water that they place their balls or penis in, or ice in their ass. have them jack with a banana peel. If they are real hairy have them shave. Have fun and make money
09/03/2012
Contributor: MistressDandelion MistressDandelion
You can simply try being the "Little pest" type of mistress. Acting like a bubbly, charming, innocent, fresh young girl but saying such harsh things..

Like: "Look at that tiny thing. Teehee. Where's my magnifier?" *Puts finger on lips*

Exploit the young and cute look you have.

I like to dress Lolita (EGL/Gothic lolita/Sweet Lolita,etc) in general, in normal life just like in bed, sometimes. This adds to the effect.
10/18/2012
Contributor: geekkink geekkink
A lot of the time it's the things you don't say. The way you carry yourself. Own everything, since your doing this for a cam site, these men are paying for a fantasy, so this is not information I am giving you for dealing with the community, as that is a whole other bag of crazy. Treat everything as a challenge, if they ask you how your doing, roll your eyes, they are not worth your time. You also need to learn to be foul... and you can indeed do all that while looking, and sounding cute.
10/19/2012
Contributor: KrissyNovacaine KrissyNovacaine
Confidence. That is the only thing that screams Dominant. Everything else is just flavor.
10/19/2012
Contributor: Innocent Mathias Innocent Mathias
good luck
11/25/2012
Contributor: davegreen davegreen
Quote:
Originally posted by Nazaress
I work at a cam site and a lot of my recent business has been with older men who wished to be subservient to me. I'm pretty much brand new with this as I'm used to being the one receiving the pain and even then, it's just minor stuff with ... more
This looks to be an old post but I have lots of thoughts that might be helpful to you. Most of all you need just 'go with what you got'. If you're naturally cute, bubbly, giggly, etc., that's a fantastic girly style from which to be dominant from. Don't try to be a 'bitch' or mean if that's not who you are. The best dommes are authentically themselves....and many dommes fall into the 'get on your, knees, pig" trap...in other words, saying and doing things that they think are 'dominant'. Remember true dominance is emotional and psychological--it's relational. So, relate as yourself and do the things that YOU want to do and make YOU happy. If the older man is truly submissive he'll want to please you no matter what, no matter how you act (at least that's how I am I would imagine that you might be comfortable in a more 'princess' like role with an older man. Pretend he is your 'sugar daddy' and willing to do anything to please you. Imagine he would be thrilled if you allowed him the amazing privilege of kissing your foot one time. Be a brat if that is in you, get him to spoil or pamper you if you like that. Talk about your boyfriend if you want. Be curious about his fantasies and fetishes if you are. If you just let it fly and be yourself in the context of him being submissive to you, then you are the perfect domme!
08/06/2013