Hannah Harper came to me in a brightly colored box, featuring a clear window to display her beautiful face. The rest of the box shows a lot of fun things like: pictures of Ms. Hannah Harper herself (hiding her coochie and nipples of course! Don't want to appear obscene after all!), and an overview of the “goodies” that the doll includes. Foot pump, soft smooth anus made of Fanta-Flesh, painted toenails, and amidst all this visual stimuli there are a few inspiring quotes from Ms. Harper herself. No summary from me could ever do this justice, so I'll just post it verbatim:

"Wanna see what's hiding under these pretty little hands of mine? How 'bout a pair of perfectly round breasts, perky hard nipples, and a pussy and ass so soft they're just begging for you to come inside! Take me for a test drive and feel what it's like to experience a real British sex machine. I'm all yours to explore and do as you like...every inch of ME!" --xoxo Hannah

What a saucy minx, that Hannah Harper...

Pulling her free from the box, I found that Hannah Harper is a vinyl love doll, with a molded plastic head, hands and feet. Sticking out of a hole on her backside above her (gaping) Fanta-flesh anus was a silver bullet, that attached via a releasable jack to a power pack that takes three AA batteries, and puts out three levels of vibration. Included as well was a patch kit, a foot pump, and a pink cloth bag for storage.

Hannah Harper inflates quickly and easily with the help of the foot pump (which I prefer to use with my hands), to reveal a voluptuous and curvaceous Barbie doll shaped body. Her boobs, molded from a separate piece of vinyl, are huge and feature little fanta-flesh nipples. All of the seams in the inflatable portion of the body are visibly doubled over and glued, and did not strain in the slightest; despite my best efforts to get the doll to explode (hey, come on, I like to be thorough!).

The points where the vinyl body glues to the head and hands likewise, show no signs of weakening, and appear to be formed by gluing the plastic parts over a wide band of the vinyl; such that it looks like it tucks up neatly into the pieces. Hannah Harper's fanta-flesh pussy and ass are glued similarly tightly to their respective holes in the inflatable body.

Hannah Harper's arms are movable, again, creepily like a Barbie doll. They inflate via a tube that the shoulder socket rotates around. I know this because I managed to get an arm to come off (purely in the name of science, I assure you). Her hands, which feature painted finger nails, have completely separate fingers that bend decently easily. I was able to get her into a glove, but using her hand to finger myself didn't work out so well. Hannah Harper is more of a taker than a giver, if you know what I mean.

Her feet have painted toenails, but the toes are not distinct. I'd estimate her shoe-size to be... oh... five or so? Her head, which looks eerily like the Barbie doll styling heads that are so popular right now (aside: do they come from the same factory?), is just a molded head, with non-moving eyes, stringy plastic blond hair (in a sassy layered cut), and huge eyelashes.

Hannah's pussy and anus are the same, once you get past the external decorations. They are long, slender tubes filled with little tickling feelers, and they are not attached to each other. When the doll is inflated they end up squeezed together in approximately the same region, along with the vibrating bullet (which vibrates loud when used in the doll, but makes the whole region buzz). For cleanup, they can be completely inverted and washed with soap and water before being left to completely dry. The rest of the doll can be similarly cleaned, although I wouldn't recommend getting the hair too wet and/or tangled.

While I did not fuck the Hannah Harper doll myself, I did enjoy having a life sized Barbie doll to play with. I dressed her up in various pieces of lingerie I have, and I did her hair. It was fun. Eventually I was able to convince my husband to have at her while I watched.

Hannah Harper stands at 5'3-ish, so she's actually pretty big. Furthermore, her head and hands, being made of harder plastic, can wobble around pretty erratically if you get really physical; enough to warrant me worrying about losing a tooth somehow, as I watched my husband bang away at this person shaped balloon.

Because this love doll is person sized, it's awkward to get her into proper positioning. She's large enough to be cumbersome, but she's of course not able to do things like shift to the left or spread her legs, etc. She can however be folded in half quite easily, and her legs can be easily bent out of the way. Doing so, however, ruins a bit of the “this is a person” illusion.

Ultimately, we found that she was best when taken in the ass, from behind, using her boobs as handles. My husband reported that he enjoyed pinching her nipples as he manipulated her up and down. His verdict about the whole thing, however, is that it's just not worth the effort of pulling out an inflatable doll just to get off.

There's something to be said for simplicity in sex toys, and to me, this doll epitomizes how complicated it could get for a simple jerk-off session. After giving ol' Hannah a once over for review, my husband carefully cleaned, dried and folded her up for storage in the closet - where she sat. And sat. And sat. And sat. I felt bad for her one day, and blew her up manually (I couldn't find the pump), but I go bored of blowing about half way through and gave up. And now she just sits in the closet, in her little pink fabric bag (included in the kit) and reminds me of how complicated sex toys can really be.

Hannah is still a top quality sex doll, to be certain, but is she really that great for the effort involved in setting her up and putting her away after use? No.

I'm still happy to have a life-sized barbie doll on hand, but I can't help but wonder when she might next get to come out in play - will it be years? I kind of suspect it might...